The day my husband served me with divorce papers I took that envelope to the temple and prayed. I was numb, and despite knowing I was getting served, I was in shock. I took it to the temple to pray on it and bless my life moving forward. I tried to talk to him after he served me. I tried to get him to reconsider. We brought two babies into this world, two preemie twins that had spent the first month of their lives in the hospital getting strong enough to come home. These two miracles that despite being born early were healthy and something we had done together.
How could he not look at them and understand and appreciate what’s really important in life?
Soon after he served me there was a religious event and I told him to think about it for a few days and give me his answer on the day of that event. The night before the event there was a celebration at the temple and I stayed at the temple and prayed for hours. I left the temple at 2am. I took off my engagement ring and wedding band and kept them on the ground of temple the whole time. I wanted them blessed. The next day he gave me his answer. He wanted to go through with the divorce.
My faith helped me survive that first year:
In that first year, we were still living together. Every chance I got I spent time at the temple. When it was his evening with the kids I would try and go there and sit for a couple of hours or attend a religious event they were having. I would come home and continue to listen to religious hymns. In fact, that was pretty much the only music I would listen to. Nothing else made sense, nothing else was worth my time. If I wasn’t at work or busy with the kids, I was at the temple or listening to religious hymns. I started doing a lot of spiritual reading as well. I tried anything and everything to give me strength to move forward and accept what happened. I prayed for my children and for peace in my life. Something I had not known for over 3 years.
My faith helped me see my situation for what it really was:
I remember the following year, that same religious event came around again, and again I spent my evening at the temple. But this time it was different. This time I had moved out, I was in my own safe home, I had started a new job and did not feel as lost and numb and shocked as I had the year before. I continued to pray for my children, my future, and for peace and happiness. I prayed for the strength to deal with my ex and all the difficulties he was putting me through.
But I also thanked God for getting me through that first year. I thanked Him for my children, and the ability and strength He gave me to take care of them alone. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I thanked Him for getting me out of an abusive home and for keeping me safe and for having a roof over my head, food on the table, and a job that I was enjoying, which would hopefully be a start to a new career as I now needed a more lucrative career than the one I had.
My faith helped me move to a place of acceptance:
Today, I continue to go to the temple on a regular basis to “refuel.” I continue to pray for the same things and thank God for the same things. I am now acutely aware of his presence in my everyday life and know that whatever happens is for the good, so even when things don’t go my way, I stay calm and accept it.
I observe many of the fasts during the year to continue to bring me closer to God. I do my duty as a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a co-worker. I teach my kids the importance of being a good person and that God is inside you an around you, and to try your best to do the right thing
I take my kids to the temple too as often as I can. I have taught them prayers. Prayers that were passed down to me as a child from my mother which were passed down to her from her mother, and new prayers I recently learned.
I have taught my kids hymns and the meaning of our various Hindu celebrations. They also get very excited when those special days occur. I have taught them to thank God for everything that we have and to pray to God for what they want. I have taught them to turn to God in their time of need and in their pain. I have taught them that God loves them.
The biggest blessing that has come out of my divorce was the ability to be a role model for my children when times are bad. They have seen through me, bad things happen in life and people that you love may hurt you, but with God in their heart and in their mind, they can make it through anything.
My faith gets tested from time to time. I do get tired of the constant struggle and wonder when my prayers will be answered, and if God is listening to me at all. Having faith means that you that have to believe and trust even during those times, especially during those times when it looks hopeless. It is the only way I can truly get through those rough moments.
It is with prayer that I get through every day. I start my morning every day listening to religious hymns and pray that my day goes well and that He give me the strength to face whatever the day brings. Today I am stronger than I have ever been and I know my strength comes from God. I am not afraid anymore. I know that after going through a divorce, I can get through anything.