As more and more single mothers start re-entering the dating arena after either a divorce, death of a spouse, or a breakup of a previous relationship, there can be some tricky situations that they may have to maneuver. Dating can involve some pretty large hoops to jump through unless you’ve got live in help or a relatives willing to babysit your kids for you. Actually, babysitting is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to coordinating all of the things that need to be taken care of before you can enjoy a night out on the town with a date.
However, in spite of all the preparation for a date, single women continue to have a very successful social life that also includes dating. The first thing to remember is that any man who may be around your children at any point in time is someone that you need to be very sure about. You need to be certain that he is safe and that he doesn’t have any sort of criminal or other questionable history.
It’s also a good idea to find out, not only how he feels about kids in general, but also how he feels about you having kids and raising them as a single mother before you start dating him. These things are very important and should be thoroughly inquired about and discussed before ever going out on that first date.
The last thing you want is to bring someone into your life and that of your children who has a less than stellar background, does not want to be around kids, or doesn’t understand and support the realities of your life as a single mother.
A problem that many single moms face when dating is dealing with a child that doesn’t want to share their mom with someone new. Now, obviously, you don’t want to upset your child who is already dealing with the fallout from a divorce or death of a father.
You need to set clear boundaries. It is important for your child to understand that you are more than just a mom, your identity encompasses so much more. You deserve to pursue your hobbies, interests, develop relationships, and have a life of your own in the same way your kids have their own set of interests, hobbies, and relationships. You also deserve to have some privacy of your own to get out and have some adult fun.
You might want to communicate to your children that you will always be there for them, but that there is also a part of your life that belongs only to you. If all else fails and these problems escalate, you probably want to consider having your child speak with a counselor.
Last, but not least, if it begins to look as if a certain relationship may be heading down a path to something more serious and permanent, start incorporating your child into your dating life. Once you feel that someone may become a serious part of your life, he needs to spend time with your children so that they can become better acquainted. You might want to consider doing this well ahead of time before making any serious decisions such as moving in together or getting married. If your child and the man in your life get along well, the transition will be so much easier because they will have had time to get to know one another and wonít be strangers.
As you can see, it’s much simpler to adjust to dating life as a single mom than you may have thought it would be. So get out there and have fun!