Dangerous waters we’re in my friends. This topic can be so situational as to not warrant an opinion without context. That said, I have a simple piece of advice.
But first, let’s build our own context, in a broader sense:
I have found that single women, when asked to describe men in the general sense, often will lay out the following adjectives:
- Sex Driven
These words, while mostly negative, are nonetheless common responses. The average time it takes for two people to have sex is four dates or 23 days. This is after going on a first date or deciding they were interested in exploring a potential relationship with each other. Reading these bullets as they unfold tells us two distinct things: (1) Women don’t trust men’s intentions; and (2) Women have sex with men fairly quickly after deciding to pursue something with them. Translation: We’re having sex with people we don’t really know, and with very little time spent understanding who they are beyond the bravado and words commonly associated with those first few dates
Now, I am not here to judge but instead to tie some thoughts and realities together. So here it is: If you had sex with him and he dumped you right after and you have skeptical views of men in general and you didn’t know him beyond the bravado, it’s very possible you were used. What’s more, when you tell your friends what happened, their default view will be that you were used. Why? Because that’s the common theory. And my friends, theories and stereotypes happen for a reason.
Please hang me out to dry now. I’m giving you an over generalized view that is very anti-male leaning and has little to no context to your exact situation. Right? To which I say, why else would you have been dumped in the very near time to when you had sex?
- Were you bad in the bedroom? Maybe. But I doubt it, and my rationale has nothing to do with you specifically. Instead, it’s tied to the bigger reality that when it comes to the bedroom, sex and pleasure are much simpler for men than they are for women. They don’t need, demand or get frustrated by a lot of things in that regard.
- Did other things occur in the relationship right at that same time that made him reinvestigate his desire to be with you in the long term? Uh, not likely but if it did, then why did he go ahead and have sex with you?
- Did he have a different opinion of your status? Translation: Perhaps, in his mind, he wasn’t using you for sex and it was you that had an unrealistic view of your relationship together.
- Did he contract a rare liver disorder that has left him with 69 days to live? We may be onto something here!
Okay, so I don’t want to make light of the situation. Instead, I want to put this whole thought process into perspective. Two things happen when someone leaves after you’ve had sex with them: (1) They move on; and (2) You wonder. And wonder. And wonder some more. And over wonder.
Don’t over think it. Instead:
- Think about your perspective on the male species and where it stems from. Your history with them? History’s history of them?
- Think about your history with this person that you had sex with before they dumped you.
- Think about when you had that conversation about status and commitment. Where did you think it was going and where did they tell you their head and heart were?
At the end of the day, you’ll discover that it all ties together and we go back to the piece of advice I alluded to at the beginning: Go with your gut! Your gut will be guided by those things we already discussed.
- When Your Ex Wants To Have Sex, What Should You Do?
- Sex: To Have Or Not Have, When Is Too Soon?
- 5 Benefits Of Having A “Friend With Benefits”
- Are Friends With Benefits Friends?