You’re over 40, divorced and confident you know how to play the “dating game.” Your mature, you’ve learned a lot of life lessons and you’ve got your shit together. Whatever dating again throws your way, you can handle. Or, can you?
I didn’t think dating could hard now that I am in my 40’s, know the games and thought I had the ability to spot the players and was very comfortable with myself (soul, body, and mind). I was wrong, though, trust me it is hard and I have the horror stories to prove it.
A couple tips to my fellow daters, who have recently entered this maelstrom called dating. Now that we are more mature and have dealt with our baggage, we feel liberated, strong and ready to take on the world, don’t we?
But, then we start dating and HE comes along. There are many different HEs that are both mind blowing and puzzling when dating.
Below are four types of HEs I’ve run into and think you should look out for too.
1. The Playa
Always keep your “Playa” radar on. When it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck – accept it, it’s a duck. Guys who are into “sleep and creep” or playa-mode will show up as such from day one. Somewhere in his chats and come-ons he will give his true self away, trust your instinct and walk away. Quickly and unscathed. A guy in this mode will normally make all and every conversation about his ego, his looks, and his libido. He will definitely make you feel wanted but for all the wrong reasons. And he will only make you feel wanted until he’s had you. Be careful and on the lookout for the early signs.
2. The “Needy” Guy
He loves attention, and he loves it so much that he wants it often and all the time. He sulks silently when he can see you’ve read his texts but didn’t respond, he then bombards you with texts along the lines of, “Am I not important enough” or “Have your feelings for me faded?” I had the misfortune of attracting one of these recently, luckily we only had a text relationship and I was able to cut him off at the jugular pre-meeting. However, I only blocked him after I gave him some sound advice on dating a divorced mom with kids. Trust me, ladies, as much as you hate the “Playa”, the “Needy” guy or gal can be even worse.
3. The “Emotional Desert-Trooper”
He comes very close to perfect. He says the right things at the right times, he respects (no he worships boundaries and privacy) and he is not invasive at all. When you see him, you have fun, when he is gone…you miss him but you do not feel the need to say it. He certainly won’t say it either. Why? Because this man is wandering about in what I call an Emotional Desert. A dry, dusty, hot but very empty place. He will never admit to having fun with you, he will never admit to even liking you. He will show it though but us women need the words. We thrive on the words. When you find yourself yearning to stay in the Emotional Desert with him, chances are, you are going to have to build a heart of steel for yourself somewhere as this man, delightful as he is will take his time to tell you exactly how he feels about you. You either need to decide to live with that or to move on and find a happier, less barren relationship.
4. The Parasite
The “Parasite” is lovely, he winds you up and takes you down in a matter of seconds, he makes you feel delicious on the inside and the outside. He charms and delights you and your kids and makes you feel as if you’ve met your forever man. But wait: listen closely to what he is saying. Often you will hear things like:
“I forgot to withdraw cash, can you get the bill?”
“While you’re at the store, pick me up a pack of socks, I will reimburse you.”
“Do you mind paying for our flight, I need to transfer money from my savings account to my current account, and will do an EFT to you later.”
It’s not always about money, though. His needs extend well beyond financial, he will drain you of your cash, your energy and sometimes even your self-respect. The “Parasite” has no dreams or ambition and often hones in on independent, divorced moms balancing kids and career but owning a nice house and car. He will say whatever is necessary to get out of his bachelor pad and into your lovely townhouse. But on a more serious note, he will use every charming trick under the sun to get what he wants.
As much as dating can be fun, post-divorce, it’s a scary world out there. The above are just a few examples of what divorced women, and the universal truth about this is that these men are really out there. Everywhere and anywhere. Enjoy dating, but stay safe, for yourself and more importantly, for your kids.