It’s hard to see the bullying, controlling, and manipulative behavior when you are in a marriage.
But after a divorce you see it all too clear. You see the true reasons that your marriage fell apart. I would like to share 15 ways that I was bullied by my ex at the end of our marriage and throughout our divorce proceedings.
1. He punched his fist through a cabinet door then came toward me and said “you better be glad you are holding the baby right now.” A week after this happened, I secretly met with a judge to discuss how to safely get out of my marriage because I would not allow this to ever happen again.
2. He would take my cell phone away from me whenever he was mad so that I couldn’t call for help or have any contact with the outside world.
3. He removed a pistol from the gun cabinet, along with some ammo, and stated “I’m leaving and taking the kids with me.” I did what I had to do in this situation…I begged him to stay and told him everything he wanted to hear.
4. He stated one time that if I left him, he would wreck his motorcycle and kill himself so the kids wouldn’t have to suffer through a divorce. I’m thinking I should’ve taken him up on this offer.
5. I went and stayed one weekend with my best friend, the first time in 9 years, and left the kids at home with him. He called my friend and asked her why I wasn’t answering my phone and if I was really with her. This happened while we were eating supper at On the Border. Psycho much?
6. While we were still living together, he woke me up at 3:00 am because he was getting ready for work and couldn’t find his other black sock. I told him it was in the dryer and he said “I looked and can’t find it. Get up and find it for me.”
7. He kept the kids for two nights while my father was in the hospital and then tried using that against me during our divorce, stating that he had to keep them because I wasn’t emotionally stable enough. Hello!? My father just died you dick!
8. He called me on the day I buried my father and screamed at me because the funeral program wasn’t how he thought it should’ve been.
9. He told me that if I would agree to 50/50 custody, then he would be nice and drop the custody suit. My response? “Call my lawyer.”
10. If I made him mad the week prior to his weekend visitation with the kids, then he wouldn’t answer the phone and let me talk to them while they were there.
11. After he left he harassed me constantly through text messages wanting to know what I was doing and if I was seeing anyone.
12. He sent me a text message one night while he had the kids that read “you better sleep with a gun tonight.” Then denied that he meant it in a bad way, that he was just worried about me being alone.
13. He sent me a text message whining about how much it was going to cost him to take me through a custody battle and that his lawyer wanted $10,000 up front. He wanted sympathy!! Are you freaking kidding me?!?
14. We had to meet at my lawyer’s office and give depositions. He sent me a text before I arrived that said, “you better not lie.”
15. He told me that he wouldn’t pay more than $500 per month for child support for our two kids and said that I better not fight him on this or he would take the kids away from me. Guess what? He’s paying more.
In the eyes of a narcissistic, controlling bully, nothing is fair unless it goes exactly how they want it to. When I called him and told him to come and get his things out of the house, it wasn’t fair that I got to keep the TV and the couches. It wasn’t fair because he wanted them. It wasn’t fair that I got to keep the washer and dryer to wash the kids’ clothes in because he wanted them. But I remained strong and told him that the judge would decide who gets what out of the house and nothing was leaving until the divorce was final. “But that’s not fair.”
Everything was unfair to him. What he was unable to grasp was what the girls and I were going through. I guess it was fair that he could just up and walk out. It was fair that when he left I was a stay-at-home mom with no income whatsoever. It was fair because in his eyes, I’m the one that did everything wrong. And you know what? That’s ok! I no longer have to worry about what he thinks or how he feels. That’s his problem and it will never be my problem again.