Lately, for whatever reason, I have had a few conversations with various people from different areas of my life – work, school, social – about “getting out there” more and keeping an open mind about the type of guy I am looking for. I finally wrapped my head around having to be okay with the concept of “stepfather and stepkids.” Believe me, coming from the Indian culture, that is a tough pill to swallow.
It got me thinking though. Am I being too picky or should I stay true to who I am and what I feel will make me happy? I went on a date some time back with someone I was introduced to through a trusted person, so not a random meeting. He fit the profile I was looking for, so I agreed to get “fixed up.” We started communicating initially through email and that went very well, so we decided to meet. I was blown away. He came to pick me up, with a rose for me, and chocolates for my kids. My heart melted.
We had a great time at dinner, great conversation, and had a lot in common. I felt something I have not felt in years. I felt like I could talk to him about everything under the sun! Something I felt that was lacking in my marriage. It made me realize my heart is open again and I can move on. It didn’t work out, but meeting him made me recognize that this is my comfort zone and I am happy and comfortable with what I am looking for. It felt “right.”
While I have to just accept it didn’t work out, I still often wonder why. We had such a good time. What went wrong? Did I do or say something? I am new to this, so is there something I am missing? I also have to realize that I am going to be dating guys that also have baggage. Maybe he wasn’t ready? For both parties involved, it can be complicated. What should we be willing to accept and compromise on, and what should we not? The scary part is we have no guarantee. We didn’t before, and it didn’t work out, so it’s natural to want to know whether we are doing the right thing this time. Not only that, but there are the kids to think about, too, and what/who is right for them.
Having your marriage end makes you wonder if what you thought you needed or wanted was in fact right. Now, do I even know what’s right for me? I thought I did before. It also begs the question, should I stick with what my heart is telling me I want and hope that he is out there? And if I do date outside of my comfort zone? Am I doing it because I am being pushed? And if I don’t, do I feel guilty about not doing enough? Am I changing my parameters because of the fear that I won’t find what I am looking for, and then in that case, am I settling? I know there are certain things I will not compromise on. But do I need to start thinking in terms of things I need to keep an open mind about? Things I wasn’t open to first time around?
I keep my kids at the forefront and have to think of what would be good for them. It makes dating a very different game than before. It was hard enough for me first time around. I am hoping being a little older and wiser now it might actually be easier. Wishful thinking? Only time will tell.
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