“A gentleman does not boast about his junk.”
When I was growing up, I would go over to my Aunt Carol’s house, to sit and watch movies with her in the living room. She was a hopeless romantic, always selecting movies that tugged at your heart. Not really understanding, at a young age, why my Aunt was so sentimental and teary eyed over a silly movie.
Fast forward almost thirty years and it’s now me watching the sappy love stories. Any and every Nicholas Sparks movie will do. Despite my very realistic view on love, deep down inside, I am still a hopeless romantic.
Looking back, clearly Debra Winger was the darling of the 1980s and starred in all the romance movies. Still to this day, Terms of Endearment and An Officer and a Gentlemen, are some my all time favorite films from that decade. Perhaps, this was the little seed planted in my 8 year old brain, that blossomed into a romaticized and Hollywood-esque view on love.
Even further, maybe led to my affinity to cute military officers, when I entered adulthood. Subconsciously, seeking out my own officer and a gentlemen. Nothing is sexier than a man in uniform. Who doesn’t want a Richard Gere, in a crisp white uniform, to sweep you off your feet, like Debra Winger? I guess the Universe listened to my prayers, because later on I would marry a military officer. Be very careful what you wish for.
Favorite Movie Scene Ever!
Sadly, I began to realize not all officers are gentlemen. Hence, where I am in my life today, a former military wife and a divorced single mom. Life is definitely surreal and never turns out how you expected. After my marriage ended, I realized that our happy endings don’t alway mirror the movies. Yet, I am still happy with the outcome.
Before, I go any further, I want to make this crystal clear, as to not be misinterpreted. I am NOT saying ALL officers are NOT gentlemen. I am saying, thus far, NOT all of the officers I have dated are gentlemen. As a former military spouse, I have had the great fortune to share my life with wonderful military members and their families, who just happen to be officers. MOST of all my closest friends are active duty military service members. Many of which are men, who are OUTSTANDING (see I still remember the jargon) boyfriends, husbands and fathers.
Now let’s talk about the men in question, the officers who are NOT gentlemen. Yes, I am totally going there, because I have reached my satiation point of their douche baggery behavior. I have no qualms with calling them out on it directly and sharing it with all of you. Why? I will tell you why, because this nonsense needs to come to an end. I am waging a “war” on asshattery!
Hopefully, tonight, both my female and male readers, will walk away with some valuable dating advice. The DO’s and DONT’s of dating for a High Valued Woman.
Over the past few weeks, I have been dodging inappropriate comment bullets, from a certain officer, whom I befriended. Open to a new friendship, with a seemingly smart, nice, military officer, we have been communicating. Throughout my life, I have had several pen pals, even adopting a military soldier this past year, so this was nothing new to me. Instead of hand written letters, we communicated through texts.
I do my very best to give people the benefit of the doubt and not dismiss them so quickly. However, I am always keeping my eyes open for red flags and cautious with my communcation. Soon I sensed his intentions were not pure, but he had an agenda. Watch out for anyone who compliments your body or uses words like “sexy” or steers the conversation into the slightest sexual manner, because girlfriend, you have just met, Mr. Sexting Guy.
We have ALL met this guy before. You might even be this girl or guy. Well, I did not see this coming, because he presented himself as a gentlemen, but quickly showed his true intentions. All you need to do is watch someone’s actions. I let the first off comment slide, wondering if he is just really bad at talking with women. I was wrong, he just wanted to be a bad boy and see if I would play along.
I have learned in life, that people will treat you how you LET them treat you. If you have not established boundaries, guess what, you have given them permission to walk all over you. Oh, no BOO BOO… I do not let people treat me poorly and without proper respect. My mama didn’t raise no fool.
Listen, we all make mistakes. I haven’t always walked the most righteous path, but I made a decision this year, to make serious changes in my life. Including, setting healthy boundaries, putting my foot down and demanding respect. I will not find true love, if I continue keeping company with donkeys.
Mr. Officer That’s Not A Gentleman, made the foolish mistake of trying to be slick, of trying to sext with me. He will deny it, but I have the texts to prove. I ain’t no dummy and know exactly what he was trying to do.
Immediately, I shut that shit down. This is disgusting, SHUT.IT.DOWN. If someone makes you uncomfortable, disrepects you and goes against your values, it is your responsibility to tell them to stop. I barely know this man, but his words told me everything about him. I told him to cut the shit out, I wasn’t having it.
Shutting It Down
Anyone who talks about jerking off is a jerk off. Talking about your penis to a random stranger, is not normal conversation. It was the American author, famous for writing on etiqutte, Emily Post, who once said, “A gentleman does not boast about his junk.” Although, the definition of “junk” has changed, from Mrs. Post’s days, her message rings true.
So, ladies, know that if a guy you just met, is boasting about his “junk”, he is clearly not a gentleman. Who wants to be a part of a rude dude’s adolescent wet dream, so he can treat you like a free phone sex line? Oh, heeeelllll nooooo.
I don’t care if they say they are joking, it is so rude, disrespectful and I will immediately place him in the “he’s an asshole” bin. Over the past ten years, I have been working as a teacher. Do you know how many times I hear, “I was just kidding”, from my students? Most are not sorry, but they are sorry they got busted and was called out on their bad behavior. There is ALWAYS a shred of truth, hidden in a “just a joke”.
Sadly, he is not the first, but he is going to be the last, because I will not waste my energy or time.
Not What Emily Post Considered As Junk
Am I saying, you should NEVER participate in sexting? No. Never said that. Ain’t nothing wrong with flirting. However, don’t sex with a stranger though, unless you want to have his/her friends share your most sacred of sacred places. Maybe you want to end up on a pornographic website called My Slutty Ex Girlfriend dot com or have your vagina plastered all over the internet for eternity? Not so sexy now, is it?
Anything like this, should be reserved between a committed, monogomous, loving and trusting relationship. Even with that, you need to practice safe sexting, because you never know. Your sweet boyfriend today, may turn out be your nightmare boyfriend tomorrow.
Before you iBone, you better, think about the long term consequences. Think Tiger Woods, Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre.
What The F$*k???
How To Text A Girl With The Wing Girls
How do we put an end to this tomfoolery? Easy peasy. Don’t engage in it. As high valued womem, with so much more to offer, than just masturbation material, for a lonely wanker. Respect yourself to walk away. Let them know you are NOT going to have anything to do with it. Let him go find a skanky girl, with no self worth and low values, to degrade herself, for his sole pleasure.
Can you tell I am still borderline offended and pissed? Being treated this was, countless times, during my dating years, has chipped away at my heart. Truth be told, it makes me feel terrible, not desirable. It inches me closer to hating men, whenever this happens to me. I refuse to become bitter, when the world wants to steal the sweetness.
Skanky Is Not Sexy
Here’s the thing, I KNOW not every man is a total DICK and there are still some good guys wandering the world. So, I am going to value myself and wait it out. What a concept, waiting for love, to share your emotional and physical intimacy with?!?! I am a woman of high value, I am going to expect that in my partner as well.
Don’t mistake my stance, as being a prude, because I LOVE sex, but I am saving my heart and hoo ha for someone deserving of both. Call me a bitch for calling them out on their bullshit, but I could care less. I know who I am and I take pride in my choices.
It is about time, some men begin valuing themselves as well. Not just being a man, but aspire to be a gentleman.
Don’t Be A Dick
It is time for both the ladies and gentlemen to learn how to stay classy. YOU and your time are valuable, why waste it on asshats or skanksters? Here are a few rules to follow, if you want to date an individual who is high valued.
Always Stay Classy
What do you think about sexting?
What rules would you add for ladies and gentlemen?
With Much Aloha,