I never thought I would, but I did it.
I created an online dating profile. “My friend’s cousin’s mom met her husband online,” a friend would tell me. I’ve heard the testimonials and I’ve seen the TV commercials. So being newly divorced, I thought this is how other people meet these days. And since I’m too busy to really go out, why not try it?
I never really got into the whole dating thing. I met my ex-husband when I was young, so I am far from experienced when it comes to “going out.”
So, enthusiastic to find Mr. Awesome, I picked up my phone, downloaded the app of a popular dating site, and began to create my online profile. I uploaded my best pictures (no duck face selfies, of course) and did my best to make sure I accurately highlighted all of my amazing attributes. This is going to be fun! I hit the submit button and TA DA! My profile was live!
Messages started coming in and I quickly realized this was going to be interesting…to say the least.
This is how some of the short-lived online interactions went down (and yes, I am spelling “your” and “to” the way it was sent to me):
Him: Damn girl your hot we should hookup sometime.
Me: Nope, I don’t think so.
Him: Why not, to young?
Me: Nope, because you can’t spell.
Another conversation with another gentleman and, I use that term loosely:
Him: So I have three questions for you:
1. Do you think your sexy?
2. If we hung out what would you wear?
3. What type of panties do you prefer?
1. Of course.
2. Probably sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt.
3. Granny panties all the way.
I’m pretty sure I’ve read it all. I never thought I would be asked the questions, “If you were a vegetable what would you be and why?” and “Would you rather date a hot guy with a small penis or an ugly guy with a large penis?” Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. I’m also certain I’ve seen my more than my fair share of shirtless bathroom mirror selfies. Abs are nice and all, but I don’t care to see you holding your phone in front of a mirror splattered with toothpaste and water spots. Oh, and let’s not forget about those duck face selfies! Not attractive on anyone but, especially not attractive on men.
I’ve been called “shawty”, “ma”, “sexy”, “pretty lady” (aww how sweet) and many other “terms of endearment”. I’ve also been propositioned for some three-way action. Yuck. Some conversations led to actual dates and many, I repeat many, absolutely did not.
Although I am making fun of my overall experience with online dating, I have had some positive experiences too. Among the circus sideshow, there are actually some really nice and respectful men out there. Although it didn’t “click” in the dating sense of the word, I’ve made some new friends and it got me out of the house to experience different places and meet new people.
If you’re going to try the online dating gig, just be careful! Fortunately, aside from just plain bad dates, I was never put in a dangerous situation. Watch out for red flags and listen to your gut!
- If they only put up one profile picture or none at all, don’t even waste your time! They are clearly hiding something!
- If they ask to meet up at your house or theirs on the first date, run! Always have your first date in a public location.
- Avoid putting your full name or other personal information such as your address, place of employment, birthday, etc. on your profile for the world to see.
- Do not put photos of your kids on your profile! There are too many weirdos out there who do not need to see your beautiful babies.
Also, try to do a little research before you go out. A little creepin’ prior to your date does not hurt and may save you from a dangerous or awkward situation. Google is a magical tool and can pull up anything!
For example, my friend happened to “Google” a man she was about to date only to find his face was plastered all over the Internet for aggravated robbery. I’ve also pulled up mug shots before and gracefully said no thanks.
Online dating was an interesting experience for me. It may work for some, but it is definitely not my cup of tea. If you do try it, be careful and have fun! But I think I will stick to meeting people the old fashioned way.
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