Relationships aren’t easy.
I mean, we can’t just go with the flow, do what we feel like and think that it’s going to be okay. And while this approach is much better than overthinking anything our partner says or does, we still miss out on a lot that’s going on under the surface.
Obviously, we didn’t keep our eyes open for the details the last time. And because we already had a relationship that didn’t work out, we should try something else now.
It might be making more compromises, not judging, not comparing the person to anyone else, opening ourselves up earlier, or else. It takes two to have a sustainable relationship. We can’t just let things happen and hope for the best.
The new year is a great chance to stop doing some things that make us a bad partner for anyone we meet.
So let’s see what ruins a relationship in order for us to be sure we don’t do it:
Want to put an end to a new relationship quickly? Start blaming the other person for anything that happens or doesn’t happen.
That’s a mental pattern too many of us are used to, but if you haven’t noticed, it prevents us from forming a meaningful relationship and letting it last.
It’s time to take responsibility for the things in your life that you aren’t happy with. The other person has nothing to do with it, so don’t make him feel guilty.
Also, accept the situations that are out of your control. Sometimes, it is what it is and you just have to learn to live with it. Be it for your man’s relatives that criticize you way too much, for a bad habit your loved one can’t seem to break, or anything else that you find impossible to accept.
That’s one of the compromises you will make, and only you know if it’s worth it. But whatever it is that you feel like blaming him for, know that he is doing his best, but people have limits too. So be more compassionate. Stop blaming, start accepting.
2. Never share your feelings directly
A sure way to ensure that things don’t work with the person you’re interested in, is to never talk openly about your issues.
Women who refuse to say things directly, to express their opinion no matter how harsh it might be, and instead try to guess what the other person is thinking, build a mental prison there’s no escape from.
Don’t let that happen in your current or next relationship. Start with honesty, and keep the communication smooth no matter what.
3. Show no interest in your partner’s goals and dreams.
That might be something you unintentionally did in your last relationship. But it shows disrespect and looks as if you’re only interested in your own life.
Treating someone this way, not showing genuine interest in how his day goes or what he wants to do with his future, not supporting even his wildest dreams and being there for him, leads to a failed relationship.
He’ll simply move on and find a person who encourages his vision.
It might have been the other way around in the past too. If the man next to you didn’t believe in you to such an extent that you stopped taking action to transform your life or reach a big goal, then you started feeling miserable, like a failure, and even hopeless.
This is bad for both of you, and everyone else around you. Anyone has the right to dream big, aim higher and be surrounded by people who support him in his endeavors.
So don’t settle down for anything less, and make sure you show interest in your partner’s life and future and believe he can do anything if he works hard and stays consistent.
4. Try to change him.
I’ve recently realized that if you want to change something about a person, it’s a sign that you shouldn’t enter his life for anything more than a friendship.
Why? Because you can’t start a relationship focused solely on what you don’t like about this person, you can’t dedicate the next few weeks, months or years of your life together to trying to make him become the version of himself that you think is best.
It’s just not fair. And it means that even if you succeed, he won’t be the same person you fell in love with.
Stop trying to change people. Start looking for the one whose faults and past you’re okay with and appreciate him for the person he is.
5. Expect too much
To ruin a relationship fast, have expectations so high that no one will be able to answer them. When you’ve already found a partner, expect so much from him that he’ll feel like what he does is never enough and will just give up on the whole thing.
Don’t like this picture?
It’s what you get when expectations are involved.
In order to make things work, though, let go of that. Meet new people, see what they’re all about, accept it, enjoy their company, and see where that can go from there.
6. Stop working on yourself
Found a lover? Great, now you don’t need to take care of your well-being, learn new skills, meet new people, stay fit, excel at work, or set bigger goals.
Just kidding. That’s exactly what you need to do to keep growing as an individual. Unfortunately, many women’s scenario is what I described above.
Self-improvement is a never-ending process. You can always strive for more. That itself is what will make you get to know yourself better, become more confident, and get better at understanding other people.
So, now that you know what it takes to ruin a relationship, what will you try not to do the next time you meet someone promising?