“I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all.”
I am going to let you in on a little secret. Despite what my life may appear like on my Facebook wall, conveyed in my blog writings, or how I carry myself in person, I can be incredibly hard on myself. It is true, I don’t always remember to take the advice I share with my loved ones.
Recently, someone commented on how “put together” I am as a person. I politely thanked them and reassured the individual that I do have flaws, make mistakes, and my life is a continual work in progress. At times, I experience moments of disappointment, insecurity, perceived failure, and self-doubt. I am human.
What could I possible be so hard on myself about, you might as yourself? I will name a few. I have nothing to hide. In fact, it is rather liberating to purge the very things that are holding me back. Sharing my life story is a form of catharsis. You might even hear your own voice in my thoughts and feelings that are penned in my writing. Perhaps, give you insight between black and white. I promise you that this will not be a sad story, there is a lesson to be shared.
Over the course of the year, I have noticeably gained 15 pounds. Despite consistent running, the scale is at a stand still. None of my pants fit. On my frame it is neither healthy and I am not comfortable with my size. Looking at pictures makes me cringe. No one likes to admit it. It makes me wonder, who else might feel this way.
Another area I am trying to understand about myself is why I have placed so much energy in finding the love of a man. To the point that I find myself considering settling for less than I deserve or wondering why in the hell does it even matter. Why does it even matter? In my head it is absolutely ridiculous.
Seriously, why am I so hard on myself? Why are we ALL so hard on ourselves? Why are we so serious? Beating yourself up is futile. It does not make you feel any better and it is non productive. Take a moment and look at yourself in the mirror. Why are you hardest on the person you should be loving the most?
No matter what my size I may be, I know that I am beautiful both on the inside and outside. Face it, there will always be someone taller, thinner, curvier, or sexier than the next person. We are all wrapped up in different packages. Guaranteed, some of the most aesthetically beautiful people in the world, have their share of body issues. At the end of the day, what matters most is the gift you hold inside.
As far as my quest for love? It will happen when the time is right. Honestly, it is rather refreshing taking a break from dating. Eventually I will be the target of Cupid’s arrow. Done with the seriousness of it all. I want to have fun! My love tank is full to the brim from my son, family, and friends. I forget to appreciate what I already possess in my life. Too damn busy envying other peoples’ lives. The irony in it is that they just might be envying our lives.
Today was a great example of God helping me not take life so seriously. After Sunday service, my girlfriend and I were walking back the car. As we were sharing a serious conversation about life, I stepped in a pile of dog poop. It was everywhere! We were dying of laughter! I forgot what we were talking about moments before. Tears were streaming down our faces. Just picture my poor friend trying to salvage my slippas on the side of the road and me puking in the church parking lot bushes, while we are laughing our heads off.
The moral of my story is that sometimes in life you might step in a big pile of $%#@ or you may feel like $#%^ one day. It’s ok to laugh and not take it so seriously, because it is only life after all.