In spite of the marital problems you may have dealt with, you developed a sense of comfort with him. Letting him deal with things like taking out the trash, mowing the yard, paying the bills, and filing the taxes became a way of life. A habit.
He’s gone. The divorce is final. At first, you think, I’ve got this! You take over the mowing or hire a teenager to do it. Taking out the trash is simple enough. Learning to balance the checkbook gets easier every time you do it, and you start to feel less codependent each day.
You and the kids are adjusting and getting through each day without any major fiascos. Then you’re watching TV one evening and a commercial comes on, advertising a tax preparation website.
HE always took care of the taxes. What are you going to do? You can’t afford an accountant. Tax prep businesses charge several hundred dollars, money you need in order to pay your rent or feed the kids.
Should you ask HIM for advice?
Oh, Hell No!
You’re unsure what to do. Scared. Nervous. What to do?
The answer is actually pretty simple. Get your W-2s and tax receipts together. Then follow these steps:
- Put your big girl panties on and pull up a chair to the computer.
- Go to this website: www.turbotax.intuit.com/taxfreedom
- See if you qualify to file for free. Even if you don’t qualify, you should still be able to file your taxes A LOT cheaper than those tax prep chain stores or an accountant.
- Don’t worry. You can do this. Just. Let. Go.
- Sign up for an account. Type in your info. The website will walk you through it step by step. Then it checks for errors several times.
Because of so many ID theft problems over the last several years, they will require you to enter your driver’s license info before your electronic tax returns are submitted to the IRS. It’s their way of making sure you’re really you.
You can do this.
When you’re almost done, you can choose direct deposit or to have a check mailed to you. I recommend direct deposit because of mail theft, plus it’s so much faster. After finally hitting the submit button and the screen verifies that your tax return had been transmitted, you let out a sigh of relief.
You did it without a man!
The next time something comes up that your ex-husband used to take care of, you will be able to handle it.
A new jar of pickles that won’t open? No big deal. Closing your eyes, you take all your frustration and focus it and your strength into your hands.
Mind over matter.
Maybe your son needs help with math. Not your strong suit. You take a deep breath, load Google and use it to help you both get through his homework.
Super Mom Strikes Again!
The pilot light on the furnace goes out.
You can either spend money you can’t spare hiring someone to light it for you, suck it up and call the ex for help (so he can make you feel stupid), or you can carefully read the instructions on the heater and learn how to do it, yourself.
No matter what the issue is, you can learn to do it, ask a friend for help, or at least hire someone to fix the problem if there’s no other choice. The point is, every time you take care of a problem without having to ask your ex for help, your codependency on him will lessen.
You will grow stronger as your confidence builds. Even if you depend on your ex for alimony and/or child support, you can still be independent by learning to do things without his help.
It is a new world. Every new generation of women grows more independent and becomes less codependent. As you become stronger and more self-sufficient, that smug smile on your ex’s face begins to fade. He realizes you don’t need him in order to live your life.
You’re a strong woman, who can do this. Learning to stop lingering, move forward and not backward has been a long road. You did it, though.
Yes, you did.
You go girl!
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