Being separated from a long-term marriage is scary. You don’t immediately think about dating. At least I didn’t.
As time passed, I started looking at guys and thought, “Wow he’s cute. Wonder if he’s single.”
When it came to dating, I had heard of a guy code but never a girl code. I definitely felt strange about dating an ex brother or something like that. But that girl code thing? That was all new to me.
I would soon find out all about it.
I am part of a a large organization for the state of South Carolina. In my position I am affiliated with and, friends with a lot of the police officers. One of them runs a program where he asks for volunteers to drink so that training officers can test them for DUI’s. I volunteered at one a few months back.
We had to arrive early in the morning and there were a couple of officers there I didn’t know who would explain what we needed to do. They didn’t say who they were and they didn’t have on the name badges they normally wear. One looked very familiar and was very handsome.
As the day progressed, I finally realized and knew who he was. There had been an incident in the city months before during which an officer was killed. This officer was injured. He looked great, and as he started talking I introduced myself as part of the organization.
He and I talked during the class. I was the one person who didn’t have to drink that day.
I knew he had briefly dated my friend after the incident. They were not together long. Though I couldn’t get much information from my friend while they were together, I knew they were never serious, that they had split, and that he was not happy about it.
I never once brought her up during our conversation. The right time never seemed to present itself.
I gave him my business card. He asked if he could text me and I agreed. He was a police officer and with a different police agency, I thought we could expand my organization’s classes to his county so I was on board with getting to know him better.
He texted me his name and number so I would have his number and I confirmed I had him in my contacts. Then, as the day went on, the texts from him became a lot more personal. He told me I was very attractive and he was attracted to me. He said in one he wanted to take me out. Being out of the dating game for a while, I naively agreed.
There were BIG red flags and bells and whistles all over the place. And I knew this was a line I was not about to cross.
I wanted to tell him. Really I did. But, before I got a chance, my daughter arrived to take me home. I figured it was not the right time or place anyhow.
When I told my daughter what had happened, she told me right away not to see him, that seeing someone my friend dated violated the “girl code.”
A few days later he texted and asked how I was doing. We texted a few times back and forth. I felt like telling him I was friends with a girl he dated was something that needed to be done, just not through a text.
I finally texted him and asked him if he was home and if I could call him. He said yes.
My heart was racing as he answered. We talked for a few minutes and then I broke it to him. I told him I know “L” and she is my friend. There was dead silence on the other end of the phone.
Finally he said, “Oh, you know her?”
I told him I was surprised he didn’t see her picture come up when my daughter called.
I explained that not only are we friends, we are like sisters.
I told him I was uncomfortable talking to him behind her back. I also requested he respect me for being honest, and if I were forced to choose between him and her, I would choose her.
He didn’t say much, and then said she didn’t need to know we were talking.
He continued to text.
I ignored his texts until, finally, I met up with my friend. When I spoke with her, I left out the part where he asked me out.
She told me he is strange. Not to mention, he has a kid who is six. That led me to think about the boundaries I had set with the men I date, one of which includes my date having no children under the age of 18.
In that moment I refused to settle.
He continued to text my phone until he finally took the hint.
A few weeks later, all my kids arrived and we went to my friend’s house to swim. She told me she had met the guy for lunch and they talked about dating again. She declined because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.
I breathed a sigh of relief, happy I had, somewhat, abided by the girl code.
- Love Triangle Or Bermuda Triangle? Depends On Who You Ask
- Don’t Beat Yourself Up about Making Contact
- Should You Date A Man With Unresolved Divorce Issues?
- Dating after Divorce