I’m a little bummed my flight was on the opening night of Tyler Perry’s new movie The Single Mom’s Club. I have been waiting on pins and needles to see this movie about a group of single moms. Finally, a big screen movie that speaks to my life.
Tyler Perry had me at, “If people only knew what single moms goes through.” AMEN. Seriously. No one gets it, until they are doing completely all on their own.
The Single Mom’s Club
It has been over five years since I became a single mom. It’s been a long road filled with bumps, twists, dead ends, pit stops, great views, surprises and miles of hands on experiences.
Oftentimes, it can be lonely and you wonder to yourself, “Does anyone else feel the same way I do?” For the longest time, it felt as if I was the only single mom I knew in my circle.
I was wrong. We aren’t alone. We belong to a sisterhood of strong women, who didn’t expect life to be suddenly single, but continued to do what we had to do, to put a roof over heads, food on the table and raise their babies to grow up right.
Honestly, I never thought I would become a single mom, having to worry about high rent, coparenting, dating again or wondering if I was doing what was right. Now I cannot imagine not being a single mom.
Aside from constant companionship and financial security, I don’t long to walk down the aisle or feel in a rush to find husband number two.
Remarriage is the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, I don’t know if I really believe in marriage or have the desire to be married. I am just being completely forthright with where my thoughts and feelings are at this point in my life.
Let me explain, before you are quick to judge my personal views. I am not questioning anyone else’s marriage, only sharing my own life experience. If you are happily married, then I am sincerely happy for you.
Whether you realize it or not, you are the exception and incredibly blessed. There are good marriages out there. Maybe one day I will be a part of one. You never know what is around the corner.
Marriage can be a beautiful and wonderful experience. However, I know I never really experienced either of these in my own marriage. We were going through the motions, living a lie, twenty/thirty somethings playing house.
Not exactly the easiest thing to admit. Especially, if you had spent almost twenty years with someone who had supposedly loved.
Even to this day, I struggle with love, marriage and divorce. I am being kind and patient with myself during this growing experience.
I am still healing from hurt. Betrayal runs deep and led me to seriously question whether any man and/or woman is capable of fidelity.
I stopped believing in “The One” a very long time ago. I started believing in opportunities to love a multitude of souls throughout our loves.
I can love. I know I can. I want to love.
Maybe I am scared of letting go of my freedom? Maybe I don’t want to risk it all, only to find myself divorced again? Maybe I am still formulating what I want in a partnership? I still don’t have the answers.
When you write for a divorce website and are open with every part of your life, many people confide to you, their feelings, inner thoughts and secrets. Despite what they share with the world, I know their truths.
Even the perfect marriages that appear of Facecbook, may tell another story in reality. Which makes me question marriage even more.
Why does this nagging desire to find the love of a good man still persist? Why is it so difficult to shake off?
Like today, when I was driving in the car, singing along to Frozen’s “Love Is An Open Door”, I was really wishing I had a fella who would sing in the car with me. Someone who is as ridiculously silly as me, loves to laugh and we can be big dorks together.
I just want to find a good, faithful, fun, loving man who will sing stupid songs in the car with me. C’mom universe! I promise I will open the door to my heart and let love in.
Do other single moms feel this too, like why am I still single and my ex is happily remarried? How does this make sense? It is five years later and I still have no one. Where are you???
Turns out, I am not the only one thinking these exact same thoughts. A great reason to have a support system of other single moms who GET IT. We all need a Single Moms Club! Over the years, I have developed my own club, our members span from Hawaii to Jaxsonville to Charlottesville.
A few weeks ago, prior to my trip, I ran into one of my CrossFit girlfriends, at a local Kailua, popular breakfast place.
As I was spelling my name to the host, to be added to the list, I heard from behind me, “Is that you Cicily?”
It was my wonderful super single mama/CrossFitting girlfriend, Tatiana, with her beautiful boys, sitting on a bench.
Many months ago, Coach Gilbert, introduced me to Tatiana on Facebook, as another single mom at our CrossFit box.
Soon after, we had our first WOD together. While we were lifting weights, all our boys were playing on the sidelines, curiously watching the strong women in their lives. Not to mention, with iPads in hand too, a single mom’s secret weapon, for mommy workout time.
We were instantly connected, through our love of CrossFit and raising little boys as single moms.
Whether she realizes it or not, watching her with her TWO boys, inspired me even more as a single CrossFit mom. If she can do it, I could do it too!
After, chatting it up on the bench, Tatiana invited me to join her and her sons at breakfast. It was the loveliest breakfast I had in a very long time.
We were meant to meet that morning. Usually, I would go to the closer breakfast place, downstairs from my house, but instead I chose to walk a couple blocks down to Mokes instead.
While this was going on in my head, Tatiana shared that both her boys practices were cancelled after the rain. After her youngest one convinced mommy for his favorite Mickey Mouse pancakes, she headed with the boys to Mokes too.
It was fate . . . It was God’s perfect timing to bring two single mommy’s together, when we needed it most.
We shared everything from going to college as a single parent, dating, student loans, money, CrossFit, kids sports, faith, God, our dreams, our struggles and we even prayed over pancakes.
Everything that I have been feeling, she felt the same way too. I needed to know I am not the only one.
There are going to be times where you are thinking, “This is not fair! I didn’t sign up for this!” Understand, you are not alone. You are in good company. You are in a sisterhood of strong women.
Whether you a former single mom or current single, we all belong to the Single Moms Club. We get it. We offer support without hesitation. We need to be there for each other.
Throughout my journey, many of our sisters, have guided me, offered a helping hand and always assured me that I would always have someone to count on.
One of the reasons why, I chose to write for Divorced Moms, is to share my experiences as a single mom, with hopes of shedding some helpful insight and offering support to current and future single moms, as my way of paying it forward to the world.
We are bound together by sisterhood! A toast to the Single Mom’s Club!
Who is in your Single Mom Club?
How long have you been a single mom?
Are you a remarried single mom?