However, there is a big difference in how I see and feel about things now, versus this time last year. I’ve barely moved out of our marital home, adjusted to a new life, balanced everything under the sun…from finances, work schedule, kids, and social life. Don’t get me wrong I still am balancing the crap out of those, only now I have less anxiety and fear from the thought of them.
I’ve come to a place in my heart and mind that I am the woman I now want to be. Independent, intelligent, a great mother, one who is in full control of her life and well being. I am fully capable of paying my own rent, working full time, caring for four children and having a good social circle to keep me occupied on days that I don’t have the kids.
I am dead set on planning for my future. I am engaged with my children unlike before and I am driven to succeed to make a better life for us all. I have never felt this motivated to make something out of my new found freedom and my life, regardless of what’s going on in the background. The big picture is what’s important. It’s me, my kids and our future.
Being empowered and determined has left no room for fear, doubt or, people who need not be a part of my journey. I know exactly what I want and who I want to share this life with. So if I do find that person who is lucky enough to be invited to this party, I will definitely let you all know!
So here are the things that I no longer have to worry about:
1. I don’t have to worry about making any man/husband happy. If a man doesn’t want to put in the time and effort to make me happy, he is not worth my time and attention. I need an equal and not a filler.
2. I don’t have to worry about money, I earn money for a living and I know exactly how much I need, how much I make and how much I can splurge on a pair of good jeans or boots. It’s so empowering to pay for things I know I deserve and worked my ass off for and, no man to tell you that you “spend way too much on shopping”. Budgeting is the key!
3. I don’t have to worry about my future, I’ve created a plan and I am making it possible, and in the end I have no one else to blame but myself if I don’t meet my goals. I’ve come this far and I am better than I was a year ago, things can only get better.
4. I don’t have to worry about the kids. I am focused on providing them all they need, and giving them endless love, hugs and kisses to make up for the separation/divorce. As long as I know I am doing the best I can, I know my kids will be OK. We will all be OK.
5. I don’t have to worry about finding true love. I have everlasting and unconditional love with four beautiful creatures I call my kids. They make my heart melt every single day. This is good enough for me.
6. I don’t have to worry about being alone. I have learned to accept life as a divorced mom. I can hear my thoughts, appreciate them and say it out loud without any judgements from another person. Someday I will again allow a man into my life. I just have to make sure he is worth the time and effort.
7. I don’t have to worry about all the shit I worried about a year ago and what’s kept me in my marriage for far longer than I wanted to because I simply don’t have to anymore. At the end of the day I can stand on my own two feet. It’s been one hell of a ride since last year, but I am stronger because of it. I wanted myself and my life back. I have that today. I am done with the bullshit. Say this ten times a day till you don’t have to say it anymore…”I’m done with the bullshit.” Be happy.