“It took me a really long time to get here, but I’m here.”
Have you ever felt like the Universe is giving you hints? As if the man upstairs, is nudging you, into a new direction. Signs, in bright neon colors, flashing directly at you, providing you a glimpse into what is to come. Whether it was a comment made, something you saw or a gut feeling, the message was crystal clear.
Every Monday, my assistant and I catch up on what is going on in our lives. It’s like Tuesdays With Morrie, but Mondays With Michiyo. What we did over the weekend, how our kids have been and what is going on in the news/sports. However, my love life, always seems to sneak in there.
Michiyo has been with me ever since I became single, so she has heard and seen it all. Everything from my 50 First Dates to my years dating Mr. Separated. She even shares her experiences and insights on love. I love her and trust her implicitly. We always joke, that Michiyo is my happiest and longest relationship. Her advice is sound and she does not beat around the bush. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don’t. When I don’t, I later realize I should have listened to Michiyo.
On this past Monday, Michiyo looked at me and said, “I think you should start dating again.” Michiyo never says that. She knows that I have been taking a complete break from dating for three months now. After my last experience, I have had no desire to put myself out there. Honestly, this is the LONGEST “manbatical” I have ever taken.
With work, graduate school, Jack’s soccer, CrossFit, moving the blog over to Divorced Moms, etc., I just haven’t had the energy to get back into the dating world. Sadly, I have mainly been throwing myself into everything else, but what I actually write about…L.O.V.E… I have been avoiding it. In fact, I turned down several dates, from some very eligible cute bachelors.
Even my best friend, Boston Rob, and I talked this week, with him giving me a hard time about my “manbaticals”. He thinks it is ridiculous and I just need to get back in the game. If you recall, Rob is my friend who shared with me that dating is like baseball. It’s all about numbers. You cannot get wins, if you are not swinging.
After speaking to my best friend, I realized he was right, it was time for me to get back up to bat. I certainly was not going to find love hanging out in the dug out.
Even a fella recently told me that I was CHOOSING to be single. I didn’t argue this fact, because he was correct. I have chosen to not trust, to not give or receive love and not share my life for fear of being hurt again.
I don’t want to spend my life holding myself back and keeping others at a distance. I want to be open with my heart.
Throwing Myself Into My Writing
I don’t regret taking all these months to regroup and reorganize my heart and head. Clearly, I was having a losing season, taking a break was necessary. All men and women benefit from dating breaks. Focusing on other aspects of your life (career, family, fitness, hobbies, etc.), takes the pressure off of being single. Single? Taken? Who cares.. solo time allows you to FINALLY get that it really does not matter, because you AWESOME!
It took me 36 years to finally understand this truth about myself. Taking a break from dating gave me the chance to date myself. Taking a break from dating allowed me to fall in love with myself for the first time.
Finally Getting It
Now that I have my loved ones asking me, “Are you dating anybody”, the men are coming out of the woodworks. Mind you, all my online dating profiles are deleted, yet men from everywhere have entered my life, interested in dating me.
Here’s the THING, when you realize your worth, others see this as well. Confidence has a magnetic pull. Now I have been wondering, what do I make of all of this. I definitely do not want to go back to my old dating patterns, dating a billion guys, for the sake of dating.
Like a ton of bricks, it hit me, I am ready to love. I am ready to share my heart. It took me nearly five years, but I am finally here.
I won’t lie. It is a risk to love. We never know if it will work out. It is easy for me to act as if it doesn’t matter. It’s safe. No one can hurt me, if I don’t let anyone into my heart.
However, my protective wall, has left me lonely. How could I love someone, if I don’t even give them a fighting chance to love me?
I don’t to be this way anymore. I take risks in every other aspects of my life. It is time I take a risk on love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does?
Although, I am still choosing not to return to online dating, I have decided to put myself back out there again. It feels right in my heart. So, I am going to take a chance on love. After time away from men, I am looking forward again to going on actual dates, sharing conversation, laughter, fun, flirting with the opposite sex.
I miss feeling butterflies in my stomach, flowers, letters, daydreaming about kisses, holding hands, glances from across the room, etc. I miss romance. I miss connection. I miss SEX!!! If you are reading this, don’t take that as, I am going to jump your bones, if you ask me out. I realize now, that emotional connection comes first before physical connection. Now THAT is the kind of loving worth waiting for.
50 First Dates
Will I actually reach 50 First Dates? OH GOD. I hope not. I think I am on number 42 as of now. However, at least I will have fun stories and experiences. Dating is supposed to be fun, so I am going to make the most of my single season. Dinner dates get old, I think I need to spice it up with this next dating season. Maybe some salsa dancing, rock climbing, paddle boarding, etc. I definitely have fun to look forward to.
To all of you, who have given up on dating and love, please do not lose faith. Your dating and relationship history may have not been great, but this doesn’t mean you throw in the towel. You dust yourself off, get back up and keep fighting for love, because it is worth it. We are created to love.
Know that you are deserving of a great love and thank God everyday that it is on it’s way to you. Leave your heartbreaks in the past, in order for the heart that is meant to love you to be a part of your future.
Wishing you all the best in your search for love this new year.
Good Experience… Closed This “Window” In My Life
I Can Write A Profile A Mother$##$%!
What All My Friends Think My Dating Life Is Like
What It REALLY Looks Like
Why Didn’t I Invent This?
Ready For Love
Did you ever want to give up on love?
Did you find love?