“If you are horrible to me, I am going to write a song about it, and you won’t like it.”
Guess what day it is?? It is my birthday!!! You better believe your sweet ass I am going have another amazing year, full of travel, CrossFitting, blogging, friendships and all the AMAZEBALLS you can fit in 365 days of my year 37.
I am going to be completely honest with you, my birthday wasn’t all that WOOT WOOT, earlier this morning. In fact, it was down right crappy, for about an hour. I had to hold back my frustration and tears, when I was teaching today.
Who doesn’t want to hear on their birthday, “let’s be friends” and “sorry if I have caused you pain”, from the same man who just confessed his feelings for you and sent a huge bouquet of heart shape balloons on Valentines Day to your work.
Damn. I actually really liked him too. I was hoping he would be different. Oh, well, fuck it. Definitely disappointed, but certainly not surprised. Lets add feeling sad, rejected, embarrassed and pissed off at myself, for opening my heart again.
Why Am I Not Surprised
I guess I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, because for the first time in years, I was honest and brave with my feelings.
Let’s talk about being completely confused. When did he go from infatuated to just friends? I am not even going to waste my time guessing, because it doesn’t even matter.
At the end of the day, I realized I am willing to be open with my heart and take a chance on love. That is worth something, right? Maybe this means, I am that much closer to finding real love, because I finally realize what qualities are important in love and what I won’t settle for.
Even with this setback, I am still faithful that God has a wonderful man, waiting for me.
After sharing with my close girlfriend, what had happened, she asked, “You going to blog this, right? You do know you are like the Taylor Swift of the blogging world.”
At first, this made me cringe, being compared to the country music star, who writes songs about all the men she has dated. Even one of my cute dates, last summer, would always jokingly whisper in my ear, “Are you gonna blog about this?”
Looking back, I guess I do write about all the men that I interact with in my life. Carrie Bradshaw in Sex in the City had Mr. Big, Sweet Cicily has Mr. CrossFit, Mr. CrossFit Crush, Mr. Separated, Mr. Sexy Marine, Mr. Hot Neighbor, Mr. Officer But Not A Gentlemen or Mr. (Fill In The Blank).
Maybe she is onto something. Maybe I am the Taylor Swift of the blogging world, sharing all the good and the bad, of my love life, in a blog post, as opposed to lyrics of a song. My intent is not to be hurtful or mean, but share my honest experiences and insight gained.
He was playing with my emotions, which is hurtful and reckless, so it is no wonder I am filled with anger, confusion and frustration.
However, despite this bump in the road, I wasn’t going to let it ruin my birthday. Seriously, do not allow your happiness to depend on other people’s actions. At the end of the day, I wished him all the best and asked if he respected my need for space.
As IF I Will Let This Ruin My Day
While all this was going on, my Facebook wall was filling up with over one hundred birthday wishes, from family and friends. People who actually care for my happiness and love me unconditionally. Yet, I let myself feel sad, over a man who really doesn’t care all too much about my feelings.
Count Your Blessings
In that moment, I realized I was going to focus on the people who mattered most in my life. Anyone worth a damn, will treat you with love and respect, otherwise, let them go. Don’t give 100% of your heart, to the 99% of men, who are only willing to give you 1% of theirs. Redistribute your affection, commitment and time, to yourself, your family and your friends, in order to feel “whole” once again.
What was your best birthday present ever?