The day has arrived when you are ready to tell others that your marriage is over, but you dread telling your relatives and friends. You are filled with worry about what they will say or how they will treat you once you have announced your news. You love your in-laws and you may be worried you will never see them again.
Think about this…were you worried when you told them you were having a child? Were you worried when you told people you were moving or getting a new job? Well, this is one of those life changes that is happening to you. Your friends and family who love you will still love you. Your in-laws may have to take sides and that may happen. You can’t control outcomes, all you can tell is the truth, you are separating and/or getting a divorce. It happens. It is sad. It may even be a good thing.
Your telling the story, (why it happened) and others are receiving it, (I’d rather not know all about it) are two different worlds altogether. What is a momentous event for you may be a blip on someone else’s radar screen. While they be upset at first, they are not the ones living with the heartache that you are carrying around with you on a day to day basis. Depending on how tight you are with your in-laws or parents, they may have already seen signs that things aren’t so wonderful in your marriage department, so letting them in on the problem may be a relief to them on some level.
The bottom line is that this is your movie, its your life and whatever you wish to share about it is your decision. Our experience tells us that people don’t really like to hear unpleasant things, so your story should probably be short and matter-of-fact with friends and relatives and save the gory details for your counselor or best friend.
That way, the pollution problem won’t have to spread to too many areas. By containing your grief, you are actually helping yourself too. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to recite the sad details of the split, because you may re-injure yourself emotionally in the telling.
There are some therapists who believe it is healthier to talk it out until the pain begins to subside. Asking for help is really important at this stage, where your intuition is out of wack right now since you are in what the experts call the crisis stage. It’s the stage where you feel like a huge truck has run over you and you can barely pick yourself up. Or you may be feeling like you are in a fog. Whatever the case, having supportive friends around to talk to is a must.
DivorcedMoms is a great resource for newly divorced parents. Now that you have let the cat out of the bag, much of your work now is making sure the kids are okay.