“I know it’s wrong but I just can’t face them with this.”
“I just don’t want to see them get hurt”
“It’s not my business”
“I’m not getting in the middle of it”
So much to say on the topic. What about you? Do you think it is someone’s duty to break the news to their friend that they are being cheated on? What if you were being cheated on, would you want to know? For my money, this is a very black and white issue for lots of reasons.
Here Are My Top 5 Reasons You Must Tell Your Friend if She is Being Cheated On:
5. The longer together, the harder to deal: The longer we are with someone, the harder it is to break up, no matter the reason. Imagine trying to gather the courage or composure to tell your friend they are being cheated on. Now imagine your courage gathering coinciding with your friend gathering more affection and love for someone you know to be cheating on them. By the time you tell them, they may be so invested that they could be in disbelief, denial or love. By then, their love could easily make them blind to the situation and its impact on them. Is that healthy?
4. The wonder and trust issue: When someone finds out they’ve been cheated on, they need support and they need it in the worst way. But how did they find out? Did you know and didn’t share it with them? Do they think or know that you knew? How will that affect their trust in you? How will you feel knowing that you knew but said nothing? And most of all, how could that affect your relationship going forward?
3. They’re being embarrassed and disrespected every day: Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. The ego is shot. The trust is shot. The heart is broken. And if there was any indication that anyone knew or will find out going forward, there will be embarrassment. This is especially true if the cheating happened over a long period of time. “You mean you didn’t know?” “Oh, I thought the signs were obvious…” Okay, friend of someone being cheated on. Do you want to be in this position? Do you want to be disrespected for any longer than you have to be? Do you want everyone to know you were being cheated on but you? Yay, I didn’t think so.
2. The sooner they know, the sooner the healing begins: I wrote earlier about the longer the wait the harder the breakup becomes. What’s also true is that the healing process only begins when someone finds out. Yes, there will be heartache and it will suck but then things can start to get better. You know your friend deserves to be happy and you know they would not be happy if they knew they were being cheated on. But, what you also know is that any chance at lifelong happiness only comes from dealing with the cheating and moving on. They can’t deal if they don’t know.
1. You’re their friend. That’s what friends do. Save the simplest for last. You’re their friend. You know they don’t want or deserve to be played, lead on or lied to. When it comes right down to it, you know each and every one of these things are happening to them. They rely on you and you on them, through thick and thin. As Dionne Warwick sang so beautifully, that’s what friends are for.
Yes, my black and white thought about this is that you must tell a friend when you know they are being cheated on. It’s not easy but it’s the only answer to the question. Now let’s go back to the four common responses I mentioned at the beginning:
“I know it’s wrong but I just can’t face them with this”: If not you, who? If not how, when?
“I just don’t want to see them get hurt”: So you would prefer to see them be played, lead on or lied to?
“It’s not my business”: So what is a friend’s business to another friend if not to be honest with them and supportive of them and their deserved happiness?
“I’m not getting in the middle of it”: Okay, so you’re a surface friend that doesn’t want the headache of what may come from disclosing this to your friend? As long as we got clear on that…
Folks, this is one of my more preachy articles but some things just need to be said
Would you tell a friend he or she is being cheated on?
- Should You Tell On A Cheater? I Wish Someone Had Told Me
- Hush, Little Cheater, I Won’t Say A Word…
- Technology And Divorce: Finding Out His Secrets
- Is He Cheating Or Am I Crazy? Entry #4
One way around this dilemna is to tell the person doing the cheating to come clean to their partner. You tell them they have 2 weeks (more or less) to do it or you will go to your friend to let them know. That way, everyone keeps their dignity and honesty comes through..
If I found out a friend of mine knew that my husband was cheating and didn’t tell me, I’d be FURIOUS! And I would absolutely tell a friend of mine the same thing. If they don’t believe me, then so be it. It’s off my chest and out of my hands, and no longer my problem.
And furious you should be. I’m glad my article pumped you up.