I once had a friend whose relationship with her husband was the envy of every woman I knew. They were best friends, rarely fought, had similar interests, and yet they still made time for their own hobbies and friends. It seemed to everyone on the outside that they were perfect.
It wasn’t until after a few glasses of wine at a mutual friend’s bachelorette party one night that she said something that really surprised me. As it turns out, even though they had been married for a year (after dating for two), she had never been happy with their sex life. Not because of any medical conditions or emotional factors; she just physically wasn’t satisfied.
What shocked me even more was her response when I asked her what she had tried to do about it. This beautiful, intelligent woman said to me with a confused look on her face, “What did I do about it? I don’t know. Nothing really. I mean what can you really do about something like that?”
After my initial shock from her response wore off, I explained that there’s a lot you can do. A lot.
So if you find yourself in a similar situation, where your man is perfect but the sex life is lacking, take a look at this advice before you waste too many years on sex that doesn’t make your toes curl.
Take the Reins
There’s no excuse for a bad sex life if you’re always passive in the bedroom. As much as you think your man should be intuitive to your needs, that’s just not the way that people work.
If you’re not comfortable verbally communicating with your partner about what you want, then show them. Guide their hands, set the pace yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask them to participate certain positions. And if you’re at all concerned that your new-found confidence in the bedroom will make your partner think differently of you, well, you’re probably right. But it won’t be a negative opinion. According to a study by Psychology Today, 60% of men wish that their partner would take more control between the sheets.
Talk About It
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship right? Well surprise surprise, having an open and honest conversation with your partner can be beneficial to your sex life. Sure, bringing it up may be bit awkward at first, but if handled the right way it can lead to a more satisfying experience for you both.
The Wall Street Journal says that a discussion is crucial for effectively communicating your vulnerabilities and values to your partner. Maybe there’s one thing in particular that you don’t like that they do, or one thing that you really enjoy. Whatever it is, expressing these opinions ahead of time will pave the way for future experiences.
But there’s a second conversation that you should have if you really want to see results, and that’s the one you’ll engage in when your clothes are off. Yes, even during the act, you may have to be a bit more vocal than usual. Talking and patiently explaining what feels good and what doesn’t the first few times probably won’t seem hot and spontaneous, but a few sessions spent learning and explaining what one another wants is a lot better than a lifetime without orgasms.
Introduce a Toy
When it comes to introducing a toy to your relationship, Adam and Eve notes that this can be a great way to increase the pleasure experienced by you and your partner during sex. Admittedly, however, this one can be a bit tricky. It’s likely that you’ll have to field a few questions about size inadequacies and reassure your man’s ego in the process. You may even have to engage in a conversation explaining that sexual experimentation and being adventurous are both perfectly healthy behaviors, and that indulging in them doesn’t make you sexually promiscuous in the slightest.
Just remember to tread lightly. Seeming over-eager can be intimidating to someone who is shy about the idea. But if they’re not warming up at all, don’t force it. You wouldn’t want them pressuring you into something you were uncomfortable with, so make sure you provide them the same courtesy.
When everything else is perfect, it’s hard to not focus on the one thing that isn’t. But you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting a sex life that’s as satisfying as your relationship. With the help of these suggestions, you’re sure to be happy with your man both in and out of the bedroom.