My husband told me 8 months ago that he wanted a divorce. The marriage was not at its best but I had no idea the problems had reached the point of divorce. I was and still am devastated over this divorce. I love my husband and wanted my marriage to last.
I can’t seem to get over what has happened and move on. He hasn’t had any problem. He has a new girlfriend. Every time he uploads new photos of them to his Facebook page I have to see them. I even ran into them at the coffee house we used to go to on a regular basis. I can’t seem to get away from him! He says he wants to be friends. He calls out of the blue to chit-chat, texts messages me, drops by my offices if he is on that side of town.
What can I do to put an end to his “in your face” behavior?
First let me say how sorry I am about your situation. I’ve been there and know too well that feeling of misery. I’m not at all surprised that you can’t get over him and move on. I think you may be playing a role in your own misery though. You say that every time he uploads photos of him and his new girlfriend you “have to see them.” Why do you have to see them?
Why are you still friends with him on Facebook? You two divorced months ago and I’m thinking it may be time for you to break up with him! He isn’t your friend so unfriend him on Facebook. That will keep you from “having” to see anything he does there.
I’m sure it is hard to let go of the curiosity, the desire to know what he is doing or to hang onto any small connection with him. The curiosity and need for a connection is keeping you stuck and feeding your misery. So, sign into facebook, and for your own sake delete him from your list of friends.
As for the coffee house, it may be time for you to find a new coffee house to visit. Stay away from places if you believe there is a chance you will run into him. Just because he dials your number doesn’t mean you have to answer. Let him call, if you don’t answer he will get the message and you’ll stop hearing from him. Don’t respond to his text messages either! The less you see of him or hear from him the sooner you will heal your pain and move on with your life. So, stop playing games, stop putting yourself in situations that only prolong how you are feeling.
Put a no contact rule in place!
In the future:
- Do Not text him or respond to texts from him,
- Do Not call him or take calls from him,
- Do Not tweet, twitter or twat with him,
- Do Not go to places the two of you used to go,
- Do Not hook up with him, sex with a man who left you is a big NO NO,
- Do Not visit websites or forums you know he posts to,
- Do Not give into any curiosity you have about him,
- Do Not ask friends and family about him,
- Do Not let your need to have a connection with him cause you misery
Surround yourself with a good support system made up of friends and family. If need be get into therapy and talk your feelings through with someone trained to help you process what is happening.
Emotional pain can get in the way of us making positive choices for ourselves. Don’t let how you are feeling determine what you do. Behaviors driven by emotional pain come back to bite and cause regret. Letting go and moving on is not easy but doing so is in your best interest and right now you have to be the one concerned about what is in your best interest. Get rid of the things that remind you of husband, and when you are ready put away – even sell – your diamond engagement ring. Make room for the new things life will bring. Life goes on, I promise you that but, only if you are able to get him out of your way.