I divorced my youngest daughter’s father many years ago. He drank and crashed my car drunk with our daughter in it. That crash was published in our local newspaper. So it is not anything I made up. I never looked back once we got divorced. I didn’t want him back. All I ever wanted was for him to be a father to my youngest daughter. That is nothing any mother wouldn’t want for her child. So why would a woman he married think I wanted him back? She is dead wrong and always has been.
He told me all about her after they met. She seemed really nice. She took on my daughter as if she were her own. My youngest daughter enjoyed going to their house to visit. His wife actually stepped up and was the one who kept the every other weekend visitation. I felt safe sending my daughter with her. They eventually married. His wife would take my daughter to get her hair cut, they would have a girls day and she even bought her a new winter coat. I felt good knowing that not only did my ex find a great person, she was good to my daughter.
A tragic event happened to the two of them that I would not wish on anyone, even an enemy. My daughter was there to witness that event. After that things drastically changed with her and our relationship with my daughter.
Things between us grew so bad, that my daughter would cry when she had to go over there when her dad wasn’t there. She even told me that his wife hated her. They never allowed her to bring home anything she got from that side of the family for birthdays or Christmas. They ended up having another child, a son. My daughter barely knows him.
As my daughter grew she became more sociable and had friends. The weekends she was supposed to go to her father’s at times she may have had things planned. I tried to work with them to rearrange the schedules. Eventually she hired a lawyer and sent nasty letters to me regarding my daughter. She accused me of things I didn’t do and I have emails proving it. The letter told me never to come to their house and I laughed. I didn’t even know where they lived at that point and had no desire to ever find them. There was no reason for her behavior especially towards my daughter. The last straw was a weekend I took my daughter to the house and she was the only one there. She acted as though it was such an effort for her to get off the couch to open the door for my daughter. I took my daughter and that was the last time I made her go over there. I am all about blending families but when my child is crying because she is treated as an outcast, I will not tolerate it especially when I witnessed it myself.
We moved in 2009 to another state (with her father’s signed approval) and it has been a blessing. He is her husband and I don’t want any part of it. My daughter is still his child and whatever relationship becomes of that she needs to do what I do and stay out of it. My daughter is very close to his family, like her grandmother and uncles and she loves them. His wife chose to take herself away from that family. She has even blocked my daughters phone so she has no contact with her dad. Her reasoning-the phone is in her name. Like that matters? This is my daughter and he is her father. She doesn’t see how it affects my daughter when all she wants to do is say Happy Father’s Day or talk to her dad on her birthday. His wife took control over it all. She accused me of being controlling. Your damn right I was. When it comes to the fact the man you married drinks too much, put my daughter in a car and almost killed her, can you blame me? I would not wish what happened to my daughter on her or anyone else. I would expect her as a parent to understand why I did what I did. Apprantely her idea of protecting her kid is very different than mine. I did not interfere with her family as she indicates to anyone who will listen. If she thinks my deciding when to protect my daughter is interferance then so be it.
People have told me she posts things on FB that are derogatorily about me. She has been blocked from my FB since the day I created my page and any other social media I have. I have no reason to care or want to know what she or anyone affiliated with her is doing. That includes my ex husband. In fact I don’t even claim I was married to him. She blasts all over her Facebook about her personal life.
Yes I am divorced and I am not perfect and not claiming I didn’t make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has issues in their lives. I chose to not post about her on any of my social media. To me she is not worth mentioning. I didn’t ask for her to be in my life. She thinks I am embarrassed about my stories, I am not. It is my life and I am a journalist. Writing is therapy for me. I would be more embarrassed if I was one of her friends seeing that she continues to post about me, 18 years later! She is not in my life and I intend to keep it that way.
For her: I feel sorry for you in so many ways. You just can’t let go of the past. I washed my hands of the drama of you many years ago. You need not worry about what I am doing, what my daughter is doing or try to run me or my kids into the ground with your sarcasm. I moved to another state, I forgot about you. I don’t call you or your husband, I don’t bother you. Obviously you have something deeply going on after all these years to continue posting about me. Be happy in your marriage raise your son and worry not about someone who lives over 600 miles away from you. You and I had conversations about the man you married, you called me. What you chose to do with that information was your decision. I hope you never have to deal with someone like you when it comes to your child. I am divorced, I am happy, I have three wonderful daughters and grand babies and I live by the beach. I chose not to stay in a miserable relationship. Know this, I never think about you, your son or your husband ever. Please do me and my daughter the same. Thank you.
There is a song you need to listen to it’s called “Let It Go.”
One more thing:
From the South, Bless your heart.