“Why wasn’t I enough?”
These are the words that make me cringe. They make me grit my teeth. They break my heart. I have yet to hear these words from a woman who deserved to say them. These are the words of a woman scorned by her man who decided another woman (or path, whatever) was the way to the future.
Let me say this to you loud and clear…
Him Leaving Was NEVER ABOUT YOU Not BEING ENOUGH!!!
Yes, it more than sucks that the man you call “husband” would consider anyone or anything else over you but honestly, if you think about it, do YOU really want to be with someone that is thinking about someone else? Do YOU really want to waste your time with someone who isn’t happy being with you? Do YOU really want someone to fake a life with you?
Yeah, I know. It’s marriage and it is supposed to be forever because that was the agreement. You made a commitment. You devoted your life. You made the promise. Therefore he was supposed to do the same. And yet, he didn’t.
Why? Why didn’t he?
I know there are so many of you that are wondering why the man of your dreams, your husband, your life partner, the father of your children left you behind.
So, the suck-y thing about his decision is you may never know the real “why”.
What sucks more? He probably can’t tell you because, in the end, he doesn’t know.
Eff that, right? I know. He should know, right? You are due an explanation. You are owed the reason behind his actions. It is only fair that you be given an explanation!
Is it, ladies? Is it? Is life that fair and right and justified that we all know why we do what we do when we do it? I would be lying if I could give you a reason for everything I have ever done AFTER I did it. Sometimes, things seemed like a good idea at the time and then hindsight kicks in and I am bustling to kick my own arse for being stupid or I am wondering what the hell I was thinking.
Quite honestly, you have to get over being left!
If you are still pining after a relationship that someone else flushed down the toilet you might consider the contents of the toilet. Maybe what you had in the relationship was worth spending eternity in. Maybe you value commitment over happiness. Maybe there is a lot going on in that toilet that you didn’t see. And then again, maybe it wasn’t a wasted flush. Bottom line, someone didn’t want you – why in the hell do you want him???
Moreover, why even ask about being enough? You are not designed to be “enough” for another. You are not structured to be the filling putty for another human being. You are a person. You are an individual. You are YOU. Consider yourself as something more than someone’s “better half”!!! You are NOT a better half or a worse half! You are a full wonderful, beautiful, incredible you.
I don’t even know you and I believe that about you!
So, do you and me a favor? Don’t limit yourself as “enough”. You are not just “enough”. You are more, so much more than a better or worse half. You are better than the “ole ball and chain”. You are more than just a wife. You are an individual – a special creation that no one else in the world could possibly be! Maybe he didn’t see it and that is just fine! The right one will. The guy that wants you to be you will. The guy that believes you doing you is the best thing about you is the right one.
The one that walks out on you has issues…just saying.
Do not, by any means, define your life as an extension of another, ever. You are not an extension to a guy – you are a compliment to him as much as he is a compliment to you! You two are not “one” – you two are a powerhouse! Be proud of you and only allow a man into your life that is just as proud because if he isn’t you end up asking yourself…”Why wasn’t I enough?”
And then you might just tear yourself apart unnecessarily.
Get your ass into gear, be you and take nothing less from a man that doesn’t strive for you to be you. It’s not about being enough – it’s about being you.
You can do it! Be you.
This article is coming at the perfect time for me as I have been having a low all weekend, first one is in so long and that is the one thing that keeps going over and over again in my mind….why wasn’t I enough….then as horrible as it sounds I look at the woman he had an affair with and married and she is just so unattractive and homely looking which makes it worse because I had this image of her in my head that she was this attractive, fun-lovign person but from what I have been told she is far from fun-loving. So then that makes me question myself in what was I lacking. What I don’t understand is that I am so much happier (normally) without him, I have full-life, great friends, great job, amazing daughters and yet I still feel empty.
Kris,
That feeling of emptiness may not be coming from not having a man or that husband person in your life. That feeling may be a part of you that is missing – which may explain why you attempted to compare yourself to the new wife. There is no comparison when it comes to relationships – though many of us will attempt to use the “other women” as a means of feeling better (or worse) about ourselves. When she doesn’t measure up to the image you have in your head it may not be her you need to pay attention to. Spend that time and thought into the real investment in your life: You
We can have those down weekends, for me, it makes the good ones that much more enjoyable. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Get back into gear and take care of you – those you listed in your comment are counting on you to be you. More importantly, you need to be you for you.
I am with you,
Tara
Kris: This is all normal, the ups and downs after finding out your ex was cheating and by the way, men typically cheat with lesser people-less attractive, not as smart or successful. (Men like feeling superior, so to go low with cheating partners is a way.) Read “Runaway Husbands”…..it’s many women talking about their experiences and you realize quickly men lack any uniqueness in their deceptive ways. You will have bad days, bad weeks and weekends, but the good news is that it will hurt less and for shorter periods as time goes on. Remember that you’re going through a lot-falling out of love, loneliness, maybe single parenting, humiliation, grief……. Best wishes Kris.