5 Ways to Regain Happiness When Dealing With Adversity
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By Mark Banschick, Featured Columnist - September 17, 2013 - Updated October 04, 2013


Life is not easy for any of us. Divorce can mean extreme adversity and upheaval. We have to deal with the bad and accept that it’s not fair. Learn your lessons and make whatever changes are required. It really is that simple!

Here are 5 ways regain happiness in face of hardship:

1. Sense of Personal Mission

Your life counts. It is a blessing that you are here. So, what is your mission? Are you part of the problem or part of the solution? Do you give to your friends, help yourself grow, find a way to provide a helping hand. Do you make more love happen in this cold world? By having an awareness of who you are and having direction in your life, you can be a force for good.

There’s joy in living your life as it’s meant to be lived.

2. Staying Healthy – Psychologically, Spiritually and Physically

Do you take good care of yourself? The great 1st century sage, Hillel, was attributed to having said; “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I’m only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”  It is not loving to allow others to take advantage of you. There is a joy in knowing that you are protecting yourself and that you are proactive in taking care of your health as well.

We can’t help others if we truly neglect ourselves.

3. Embrace the Good

Yes, you have been hurt; maybe badly. There is no good answer in this world for suffering. It’s the human condition and some suffer much more than others. Just note that it’s one thing to be a victim; it’s quite another to become a victim of your victimhood. You are still a person with dignity. Grab whatever good is around you. Embrace it. A neighbor who cares; a brother who comes through, a beautiful day that warms your heart. There is joy out there, even if you have to dig deep.

I often tell my patients, grab the good, because bad will surely find you.

4. Accept Things

You must learn to accept.  This does not mean to deny or forget that bad things happen, or that others have wronged you. You need to make peace with the bad in your life. To forgive does not mean to forget. Acceptance means to protect yourself as well as let go of the victim position that can poison your life. Don’t allow an abusive ex husband to hurt you. Get the protection that you require. Vote against a government or municipality that failed you. Distance yourself from people who let you down when you needed them the most. But, let go of toxic anger that only will make you sick.

There is a sweet joy in being freed from hate.

5. The Art of Forgiveness

Sometimes you have to grieve a lot in order to forgive. You go through emotional stages; denial, bargaining, anger, depression and then acceptance. You choose to forgive in order to live life fresh and realistically. Once you learn to forgive the people and events that have occurred, liberate yourself by opening up to the goodness of the world. Whether it was natural disaster, a divorce, a troubled child or a bad illness, it’s necessary to mourn the unfair nature of the universe and come out of it with your dignity intact;

Pain can lead to wisdom, and this is a meaningful sort of joy.

And, don’t forget to seize the joy.

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