In October 2011, my parents finally ended their mistake of a marriage. As we (myself, mom, and siblings) loaded the 'getaway car' with the last of our belongings, I looked at my mom with a deep sense of respect because she was finally making the decision to leave which was good for her. It was hard, that I knew, but what was worse was the many years she stayed married to my father.
It was 20 years of total misery which finally rubbed off on five of us (her children) leaving us enraged and bitter. I jokingly asked her once why she stayed for 20 years and didn't leave earlier. Her reply was: “I stayed because of you, my children.” If only she known we wanted her to leave it would have saved us many, many years of hurt, she would have salvaged her sanity and ours earlier.
Finally leaving was a bold step, but no one knew the tough path that lay ahead. The coming road was in no way sugar and spice. It was rock and steel. Many months of questioning herself, doubting her value and regretting ever being married.
She remembered opportunities she forfeited because she was married that didn't 'quite fit with her husband' and she cried bitterly knowing certain areas of her life would have been greatly improved had she accepted them. Having been through a lot in the past 20 years, it is safe to say that my mom was drained and probably didn't see any value in herself...but not for long. What I’m about to share with you were the little things I showed her that gave her an instant turnaround.
1. Do a Deep Cleansing of Words That Don’t Truly Define You
If you have been in a relationship with someone who derives some sick satisfaction out of picking on you, then definitely, hurtful things must have been said. Things that tear into your soul and begin to make you doubt your worth. Words that kill faster than bullets which come from the one who is supposed to love you. “You are good for nothing, You are worthless, You will amount to nothing because there is nothing good in you, You ugly bitch.” If you’ve heard these words or, similar words they’ve seeped into your soul, became a part of you and you have unconsciously begun to believe them...STOP!
You need a deep cleansing. It is time to purge your soul of these words and banish them forever. To every hurtful thing that may have been said to you, speak to them fearlessly and say: “Get out! You have no place here.” Do this until these demeaning words cease to define you.
2. Fill Yourself With Words That Truly Define You
When you pour out the ugly words, you replace them with new words. The same way, when you kick out the old mindset, you unleash a new one. From the deepest parts of your soul, who do you want to be? It does not matter what people call you, what matters is what you call yourself. As a matter of fact, the only person with the power to define you is you. So, what's it gonna be sweetheart? What do you call yourself?
3. Redefine Who You Are with Affirmations.
I have realized that the best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to counter them with positive words. It's time to use the power of affirmations. Every time you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, unleash your positive thoughts about yourself and drown out the negative. For example: if you have begun to believe that you are worthless, keep saying to yourself, “I am valuable. There is no one like me in all the earth. I am amazing and fabulous. Yes, I am important.” Do this every day until this affirmation has successfully replaced the negative thoughts and you believe it completely. Guess what? It now defines you!
This process might take a while (depending on how scarred you are) but you owe it to yourself to transform your life. If my mom, who is in her 50s can do this, so can you. I look forward to your victory.