Webster’s defines infidelity as unfaithfulness to the marriage vow or contract; a violation of the marriage contract by adultery. If you have ever been the victim of a cheating husband, you know it is much more.
Infidelity is the breaking of trust that has negative consequences in every area of your life. The first step in surviving a husband’s infidelity is being able to rationalize and understand the actions that have caused so much harm.
There are two types of infidelity, sexual infidelity, and emotional infidelity:
Sexual Infidelity:
Sexual infidelity, as its name suggests, refers to sexual activities that are engaged in with someone other than one’s spouse. Activities that constitute sexual infidelity include all forms of physical intimacy, from kissing to sexual intercourse.
Emotional Infidelity:
Emotional infidelity refers to becoming emotionally involved with someone other than one’s spouse. Dr. Seth Meyers, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, describes emotional infidelity as “behavior that one partner engages in that fosters emotional intimacy in the here-and-now and sometimes promotes the possibility of sexual intimacy in the future.”
It all sounds fairly simple, huh? Either your husband did the hanky panky with someone else or he has put someone else’s emotional needs before your emotional needs. If you’ve been on the receiving end of either, the need to understand runs a bit deeper, doesn’t it?
It has been my experience, after coaching many women who were victims of infidelity, that the roots of the infidelity can generally be traced back to one of three underlying causes.
What Drives Men To Cheat
Fear:
Men who suffer emotional injuries during childhood are more likely to cheat on a spouse. Emotional childhood injuries may cause a fear of intimacy, a fear of commitment, and a fear of being unworthy of love.
If your husband has had problems with attaching himself to you intimately, was commitment-phobic, and suffers from low self-esteem, these traits probably played a role in his infidelity.
Loneliness:
Some men cheat because of the sense of loneliness they feel in the marriage. Usually, this type of man is not able to fully engage with his wife. He doesn’t fully participate in the relationship and is a sitting duck for any woman who can give him the companionship he feels is missing in his marriage.
Anger:
Are you married to a conflict avoider — a man who thinks that any show of disappointment by you is an affront to the relationship?
According to Emily M. Brown, author of Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity, the conflict avoider is “terrified to be anything but nice for fear that conflict will lead to abandonment.” They don’t have a way to stand up to their spouse where there are marital problems, so the problems go unresolved and the marriage erodes.
This guy acts as if he is happy, everything is coming up roses and all the while, he is seething with anger inside. He is angry because you poked fun at his bald spot. We all know that a woman who truly loves her husband would never poke fun or so he believes.
He is angry because you failed to pick up his dry cleaning. You will be the last to know how angry he is, though, because of his skewed belief that his marriage is perfect and perfection means putting a lid on anger.
He doesn’t even realize how angry he is until he meets a woman who would never poke fun at his bald spot and never forget to pick up his dry cleaning. Not until she got comfortable in the relationship, anyway. Once she becomes comfortable and turns into a normal human being, he can go back to repressing anger again.
Whatever drives a man to cheat, be it fear, loneliness, or anger, it is important to know that the decision to cheat was his. Infidelity has nothing to do with a shortcoming on the part of his wife.
There are many things a wife can do to improve the quality of her marriage.
There is absolutely nothing she can do that will guarantee with 100 percent certainty that her husband will never cheat.
She can know though with 100 percent certainty that if he does cheat it is about him and whatever issues he is dealing with.
“Whatever drives a man to cheat, be it fear, loneliness, or anger, it is important to know that the decision to cheat was his. Infidelity has nothing to do with a shortcoming on the part of his wife.” – This site’s article on why men cheat.
It could be that he provides bad sex, cheated on you, is boring, doesn’t appreciate you enough, etc… – This article on why women do.
So women can’t drive a man to cheat in any way and men always drive women away. Nice to know.
Your critique of the article is spot on. Everyone knows only men cheat, or create problems in marriage / relationship. NOT.
I can tell you why my lover cheats on his wife. She belittles him. She ignores him. She turns their teenage children against him. She denies him intimacy. He is very ill and she doesn’t have an ounce of compassion for him. She can’t wait for him to expire, she will become a well-off widow.
I provide him with friendship. Love. Sex. He knows he’s a man when he’s with me. I give him reason to go on…. to live. When he passes, all he will leave me will be beautiful memories of us. A love that was meant to be, because the woman he chose to marry is a hateful, selfish, lying and cheating wretch. I give him comfort. He is a good man.
Selene, you are a special kind of moron. He is sleeping with you and supporting her. Why? Because he is emotionally attached to her. You are nothing but some on the side to him. If not, he’d divorce her and make an honest woman out of you. Honey, it’s her and his family he loves. You are just someone he screws.
Honest woman? How does marriage make one honest? I’m not interested in marrying him, I’m proud to be independent. We’re friends with benefits. I’m completely content with what we have. Why does this bother you?
If you are married to him and not cheating with him, you become an honest woman. At this time, you are as dishonest and dishonorable as a woman can be. Your friend with benefits has a wife. That doesn’t make you independent, it makes you dependent on something that belongs to someone else. Why does your contentment over sleeping with another woman’s husband bother me? Because it should, because I have morals, because, because, because. There are many, many reasons to be bothered by your actions. Probably the main one though is I have something you don’t…a moral compass.
His words to you right? Well he cheats and lies ..what ha e you got so special he wont lie to you..
@selene
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[email protected] is the best and assured person to run to for anything you need to fish out and any bone you wanna pick.i guaranty you.god bless you sir
This article is very poorly written, the reason i say this is that it implies that the reason men cheat is because of some childhood damage? I would have expected something a little more accurate or at least in the ballpark. So what i Will do is tell you exactly why men cheat.
1. Lack of appreciation, if a man does not feel appreciated for his efforts its only a matter of time before he seeks it elsewhere this does not make him a piece of slime or whatever derogatory comments can be drummed up, he is simply human and all humans like to be appreciated it is a basic human need.
2. Lack of sex or having to deal with sex being used as a weapon. If you love a person sex should never be used as a weapon nor should it be witheld again another need not being met.
3. Ego, self eesteem boost. In some cases a man may feel that if he does this he still “has it” especially if his wife has let herself go since the marriage doesn’t make it any more “right” just stating a fact
4.wife has let herself go, men are visual creatures and need something nice to look at, doesnt have to be a “supermodel” but at least be presentable /sexy
55. Lack of respect, if a man feels his wife is constantly belittling him and barraging him with a continual assault of vitriol its only a matter of time before he seeks satisfaction elsewhere (emotional, physical and psychological )
So there you have it those are the most common real reasons349
2.