It is easy to let feelings about a divorce run one’s life. The hard part is saying “enough is enough” and letting go. When people stay entrenched in the past they can become bitter over their divorce. Having one’s divorce be their focal point can decrease life’s pleasures. Do you feel that your divorce has ruined your life? There are ways to get out of this rut.
Take responsibility for your actions that led to divorce. Really think about how you contributed to the demise of your marriage. Gain clarity that you both were at fault. I am able to feel neutral about my ex now, only after seeing how neither of us was blameless in the breakdown of our marriage. If I decide to tie the knot again, I will be in a much better place. Understanding what not to do again is important, as well as what works in a relationship.
You are in the pilot’s seat and have control of your emotions, livelihood and other aspects of your life. No one can ruin your life, only your reactions to people and events can do this. It is fine to say, “Yes, he’s a jerk” but realize that you are no longer married and he is not in your sphere. Move on without him and leave the divorce behind. Why give up control and feel that someone else has the power to ruin your happiness? No one can make you happy or take it away. Same with events. A divorce is a big bump in the road, but choose not to let it ruin your existence.
If you feel stuck, then meet with a divorce coach or therapist. Cognitive therapy especially gives concrete strategies to move past faulty thinking. Consider joining a women in transition group to see how they overcame horrendous obstacles and lead fulfilling lives. These women can inspire and support you. Make some new friends.
If you feel that divorce ruined your life, analyze in which specific areas. Are you lonely? Then join some organizations or increase your social network, such as through MeetUp.com. If feeling unlovable then adopt a pet who will adore you and give unconditional love. Perhaps divorce catapulted you into the workforce unprepared. Taking some classes at the local community college can be a boost in the job market. They often have career guidance and a special program for those over fifty. The trick is to see what you think is being ruined by divorce and making some adjustments.
When we are stressed, we forget to have fun and laugh. Get those feel good endorphins on a regular basis. Go to comedies and out with the girls for a few laughs. Having levity instead of taking life so seriously gives me a reality check. I took my sons to Disneyland right after my husband left me and that was just what my sons and I required.
Sometimes having an adventure out of our familiar environment can get us back on track. One divorced friend climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Others have taken up running and are in marathons. This spring my sons and I went to India for a life changing experience.
There is something to “misery likes company.” If one is hanging around glum people who feel divorce ruined their lives or they feel unhappy in general, then one is along for the ride. Emotions, positive or negative are contagious, so distance yourself from these disenchanted ones. Surround yourself with upbeat, joyful folks who view life as happy with plenty of opportunities. This will rub off on you for a more positive outlook on life.
Is your divorce keeping you down?
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