By Sandy Weiner for Good Men Project
A divorced client was concerned that she was going to be single for the Holidays. She asked if I knew of a singles-friendly restaurant where she could have Christmas dinner. I suggested she do a Google search for singles-friendly restaurants or check out meetup.com for a group for singles who might be eating together for the holidays.
The Holidays can be a challenging time, especially if you’re single. From the outside looking in, it can seem like everyone’s living a Norman Rockwell-esque life, and you feel like you don’t fit in.
Whether you were alone for Thanksgiving here in the United States, or you’re concerned about being single for Christmas and Chanukah, how can you approach the Holidays without getting down?
Try changing your perspective. A positive mindset can help you weather any challenge.
Instead of focusing on what ‘s bad about being single for the holidays, focus on what you’re grateful for. I asked my private Facebook group of single women between the ages of 40 and 80 from all over the world their why they’re grateful to be single for the Holidays. Here’s what they said…
60 Reasons To Be Grateful That You’re Single for the Holidays…and Beyond
1. I have a world of possibility in front of me.
2. I don’t have to deal with the stress of being in a bad marriage.
3. I can spend all of the important holidays with my family (not his).
4. I feel lighter with less burden of making someone else happy before I make myself happy.
5. I can live a spontaneous life.
6. I have the time and space to be me.
7. I have freedom in my schedule.
8. Grateful for the time to learn about relationships, beginning with my relationship with myself.
9. I don’t have to walk on eggshells.
10. I have developed some wonderful new friendships.
11. I can spend more time with my family and grandchildren. I got a motorcycle, a Harley. It’s something I always wanted to do, and the first thing I did when I got divorced!
12. Grateful to have a roof over my head.
13. Grateful to have food on my table.
14. Grateful to have everything I need.
15. Grateful to have a job and good friends.
16. I am getting excellent sleep because nobody is snoring near me.
17. Because of my extra sleep, I am more energetic during the day.
18. I have time to exercise.
19. I can come and go as I please.
20. I can spend my money as I want.
21. No usual Holiday fights.
22. I go out when I want for as long I want.
23 I am grateful for who I am because I am Love.
24. I am grateful for the current state of affairs in the country because I now stand more than ever for women’s rights!
25. I am grateful for taking charge of my life because I get this one life and want to live it by design.
26. I am grateful for the men I get to date because I get to know myself some more through them.
27. I am grateful for my future partner, because he will bring out the best in me, and we will kick a*s in this world together.
28. Grateful that I’m not with the wrong person.
29. No tip-toeing around when I start my day at 4:40 AM
30. Last minute change of mind on plans does not involve someone else.
31. I’m not responsible for cooking the holiday meals for the first time in forever.
32. I’m no longer being abused.
33. I’m free to make new friendships.
34. I can watch what I want on TV or blast my favorite music.
35. I am taking care of me—finally!
36. I have peace of mind!
37. I eat what I want when I want.
38. I get to create the life I want
39. I can embrace my authentic self without fear of criticism.
40. I can take time to be truly thankful without being too busy.
41. I’m more open to great adventures.
42. I choose how I want to spend the holidays.
43. Being single has taught me that I can problem-solve and fix things just like any man.
44. I’ve gained insight as to what I want and what don’t want in my next relationship.
45. When I divorced, I “lost” the family I spent most holidays with. A good friend adopted me into her Thanksgiving holiday at her relatives’ home. I get to have all the fun parts of Thanksgiving without the family drama! I know the people well enough to be comfortable and welcome after going for five years, but I’m not involved in their problems.
46. I get the whole bed.
47. No in-laws!
48. I can eat cheese and crackers for dinner if I want to.
49. I found this group, and know I’m not the only woman out there facing the weird and wacky dating scene.
50. I don’t have to mention to anyone that half-gallon of ice cream is mine.
51. I can shamelessly flirt with handsome single men if I feel so inclined.
52. I get to show my daughter that having a relationship is a choice, not a necessity.
53. I get to have a Tofurkey without being made fun of.
54. Grateful to be alive and have time to grow, and discover what makes me happy. Freedom to take care of myself without needing approval from anyone.
55. I get to explore new interests that I find enjoyable.
56. I’m grateful I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not.
57. I like my messy bedroom. I don’t have to pretend I’m neat.
58. Focus on my needs and my daughters, peace and quiet, enjoying the holidays without drama, reveling in spiritual silence and getting some much-needed sleep!
59. I’m grateful that I am not being shouted at anymore, that I don’t have to have a freshly cooked meal on the table every night, that I am not being criticized over how I hang up the laundry (yes, he really did that), that there will never be another soccer match showing on my TV, that I can sleep through the night without being disturbed from his snoring and getting up to pee.
60. I’m also really grateful that I am capable, intelligent, have great kids, and am enjoying my life to the fullest, with or without a man.
How’s that for a positive spin on being single? Many of these women are grateful to be out of a toxic relationship, while others are enjoying this time of reinvention, discovering what they love and who they are at this stage in life.
What I love most about this exercise is the perspective shift, which helps you focus on what’s good instead of what’s wrong in your life. I understand that it can sometimes be frustrating and lonely to be single, especially around the holidays. But ‘single’ is not a disease to be cured. With the right focus, it can be a time of celebration and joy.