Why & What To Do If Your Ex Abandons The Kids
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By Aaron Kaplan, Featured Columnist - November 16, 2014


In most divorces where people have children, the parents fight to make sure that they are each able to see their kids as much as possible. As difficult as it may be to have to share parenting responsibilities with your ex, the reality is that compromise is necessary in order for everyone to win.

A parenting plan is usually made, and then approved as far as parenting time, and the children are encouraged so that they can adjust to it. Yet not everyone wants to have a role in the lives of their children after a divorce.

As difficult as this may be to understand, it is the truth. There are many reasons why a person doesn't want to have anything to do with their children after a divorce. They may feel that it is their family that is holding them back so they want to close the door on that chapter of their lives so that they can start over on their own. Others have too many personal issues to take care of, which prevents them from taking care of anyone but themselves. That has to be respected even though it can be difficult.

In other instances, the parent who leaves doesn't feel like it will be in the best interest of the children to be with them. They want what is best for them and they feel that is with the other parent. Some people have the misconception that it is only men who walk away from their children. Yet many women choose to do it as well.

Sadly, another scenario is that the parent is going to be with someone else. Their new partner may not be ready for a family or want children around at all. It is disconcerting to think a person would choose a lover over their flesh and blood but it does happen. All of these scenarios ensure the children are with someone who does want them though and that is the positive side of the issue.

Children can be severely affected by these types of scenario. They can definitely blame themselves for their parent's absence from their lives. Sometimes they will also blame the parent they are with  for the other parent running off. This is a discussion you need to have with your children. You will need to decide how honest you want to be with them.

While you don't want to be making excuses for the parent, you don't want to damage your child's self esteem either. It is better to say that they are consumed right now with getting their own life on track than to say they don't want to be with you because their new girlfriend doesn't like children.

It can be difficult when your ex does not want to see the children after a divorce. You can choose to find out why that is the case if you desire. Some people are happy with the arrangement and so they don't pursue it. They may still be paying child support even though they don't take an active role in the life of the children, and have the impression that paying child support is enough.

Keep in mind, how you handle the situation is gong to affect your children. Make sure they understand that it isn't their fault their parent doesn't want to see them at this time. While it isn't fair that this responsibility falls on your shoulders you need to take care of it for the sake of your children. They can choose to attempt to work out a relationship with their absent parent when they are an adult if they want to pursue it.

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