Dead end relationships are a lot like boy band songs. You know something’s wrong but you keep hanging tough. Sooner or later, constant complacency is just a foregone conclusion and the shape of your heart becomes an anvil. And, you may end up saying bye bye bye but you won’t be able to give a good love autopsy. Instead, you’ll say something like, ‘story of my life, I just can’t seem to find the right one.’
Well, let me help you out. Here are the Top 10 ways to know you’re in a dead end relationship.
10. You fight about the same things over and over. It’s natural to have disagreements in relationships. It’s also healthy to want to resolve them. An evolved couple interested in a future together will remember lessons learned from past issues and try not to repeat them. If, on the other hand, either half of the couple become indifferent or angry about where things are, they will poke. It will become their modus operandi to bring past issues up and stoke the fire. Even if they don’t bring it up but it’s something that arises, they will conveniently forget the past resolutions and stoke it.
9. You think about it a lot. Simply put, if enough things pile up and you’re constantly in the mindset that it’s a dead end relationship, than it’s a dead end relationship. The good things are overshadowed by the constant thoughts about the dead ends.
8. You have become indifferent about the fights. If you’re tired of the fights to the point that you don’t care how they end, it’s a dead end relationship. They require effort, an active heart and an open mind. I’ve seen a number of people just throw their hands up when it comes to arguments with their significant other. They’ve become numb to the issues and they refuse to go at it again. When this occurs, there is no fire, passion or purpose. It’s two ships in the night, one of them captain-less and careening out of control.
7. You think about it a lot. Yes, it bears repeating. When your default inquiry is about where things stand, why you two always fight, or why you’re still there, it’s a dead end relationship.
6. You can think of more bad things than good things. If you have more bad memories than good memories and you can think of more negative traits about your partner or your relationship dynamics, it’s a dead-end relationship. Relationships that have a positive light in front of them have more sunshine than rain. And when it rains, the thought of the sun can dampen it, even if it actually pours. But when it rains and you don’t see the light ahead and your partner’s positivity, energy, support or love cannot be a temporary umbrella, well, you know what that means.
5. You think about it a lot. This is becoming repetitive eh? Good, ’twas my intention.
4. You frequently want to go out to get away. It is unfortunate but common for an unhappy partner to break away with friends or any other distraction (stay late at work, find 26 leaf clovers in a busy highway, etc.). This, of course, as an alternative to being around their partner or engaging them with concerns. When you’ve decided it’s easier to just break away, the relationship is, in fact, in a dead end.
3. You think about it a lot. Hi. Since I’ve repeated this intentionally for effect, I can spend this space with a public service announcement on relationships. “This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. This is only a test. Had this been a real announcement, I would’ve mercilessly pestered you to think about how bad it must be that you chronically think about how bad your relationship is. Then I would ask you to ask yourself what you should do about it besides just thinking about it a lot. Just a thought of course. End of test”.
2. Sex is absent or resembles a highway pile up: depressing with casualties. We don’t have the personal touch and thus we don’t have the intimate touch. Like Sinead O’Connor after the black turtleneck video, it has just vanished. And no, it’s not sex when it’s two people on top of each other just thrusting and rolling over. Say it with me: D-E-A-D E-N-D!
1. You’re okay with whatever the outcome is. Easily the easiest answer to the question of whether a relationship is in a dead-end state. If any outcome is a satisfying outcome, it’s relationship D.O.A. In this, one (or both) partner has decided that the relationship isn’t worth the effort, energy or attention of assessing, discussing and resuscitating. They will stay, go or anything in between. “I don’t care if we break up, I just want to stop fighting!” Yep, we’ve all heard that before.
Now about those boy band references. If anyone can name the four boy bands and associated songs I referenced, you will get an autographed 5 Seconds of Summer CD. Well, if I can track them down and talk them into signing one. Of course, I’d also have to be willing to pry it from the cold dead hands of my 13 year-old daughter. Other than that, it should be fine.