Women often have a reputation of over-sharing. Let’s face it; most of us like to talk. Communication is our strong point and it’s very important, to be honest with a new partner. Trust is the glue to a loving, happy relationship. And with that being said, some things, particularly from our dating history, doesn’t always need to be discussed, or even mentioned at all.
A nice test is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Is there something you would want to know if the tables were turned? Every couple is different; every relationship has a different degree of openness. It’s just something you’ll have to agree upon.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing something from your past, or if you have the slightest inkling that your partner may not appreciate learning about it, then it’s best to stay quiet. You’ll have to decide what should be put on the table, where to draw the line, and what to keep private.
If you’re feeling indecisive about sharing the details of your dating history with your new partner, here are 3 reasons you really shouldn’t after all:
1. Sharing your dating history could spark unnecessary jealousy.
There are certain things from your past you shouldn’t share for obvious reasons. For example, how awesome the sex was with an ex-partner or how he had to order special condoms. Your past relationship may have been great, but it ended for a reason.
A new partner doesn’t want to hear about the same ex all the time, or even at all. (In fact, your best friend doesn’t even want to hear about that.) Don’t make them feel inferior or give the impression that you want your ex back. Don’t make them feel like they have to measure up to your ex.
And also, it’s rude, and probably a sign that you’re not yet equipped for a healthy, mature relationship.
2. Sharing your dating history smudges a clean slate.
We call it a “new relationship” because it is new. That’s the magic of it. It’s an opportunity to start fresh; to avoid the same mistakes you made in the past. We all have the ability to change. And most of us have the desire to improve ourselves. You can use this new relationship as a second (or perhaps, a third or fourth) chance to get it right.
It’s OK to keep some information private, as long as your partner is not affected. If your ex-partner has threatened you or your new partner in some way, that’s something you shouldn’t hide. Or if you and your ex have a close relationship, beyond custody of the kids, don’t keep that a secret. (Your partner will decide if they’re comfortable with that.) Or if you have had an STD, you need to be up front.
Remember, it’s still not OK to lie. And it’s not OK to omit any information that’s detrimental to your partner’s well-being. If your partner wants to know about something that does not fall under either of these categories, and you don’t feel comfortable sharing, don’t. Just be honest about not wanting to answer. Most likely, they will respect your privacy.
3. Over-sharing about your dating history might prevent you from moving on.
You shouldn’t be in a new relationship if you find yourself constantly talking about an old one, even if you only talk about it to your girlfriends. Clearly, you haven’t moved on yet.
If you’re in a new relationship, that means you’re now responsible for someone else’s feelings. If you are not 100% emotionally available yet, you should work that out on your own.
Over-sharing about your past will transport you back in time and make you and your new partner think too much about something that is already over. If you find yourself over-sharing about your past, it’s a sign that you have not let go. If this is the case, then you’re probably not ready for a new relationship.