Women are incredible at taking care of everyone’s needs. Whether it’s a sick kid, needy friend, or aging parents – we’re there to heal, listen, and support. But in the midst of caring for everyone, our own needs go unmet.
Sometimes we’re aware of our feelings of sadness and frustration that our desires are unfulfilled, but often we’re simply so busy getting everything done that we don’t even tune into what our spirit is trying to tell us – that something is missing. I’ve had some women tell me that they choose to stay so busy because they’re afraid to examine their lives and face the emptiness they’re feeling.
At some point, we finally come up for air, look around, and realize that our lives are nothing like we had imagined them to be. It’s as if the curtain is pulled back and we think, How the hell did I get here?!
Do you feel that something is missing, but you’re afraid to even consider what it might be?
The good news is that we don’t have to forego our happiness and personal dreams for anyone – not even our kids. I can’t think of a more important lesson to teach our kids than living life to its fullest and following their passion.
This isn’t living selfishly but living self-fulfilled.
In my coaching practice, I work with women to get back on track to living the life they intended – confidently, courageously, and joyfully.
Here are the first steps to finding self-fulfillment and happiness after divorce:
1. Turn on your personal GPS. The Universe always provides us with answers, but often we either ignore them out of fear or don’t hear them because of all of the “chatter” in our brain. Women’s intuition is a very real and powerful force. It’s our personal GPS and will most certainly get us to where we want to go. In order to do this, we need to tune inwards, and the best way to do that is…
2. Meditate (Yes, you can!). It’s almost impossible for us to disconnect and simply sit in silence. In fact, it probably feels uncomfortable. We constantly have our “to-do” list running through our heads.
If you regularly practice meditation, that’s great, but I have many women tell me they’ve tried meditating but can’t. I tell them it’s because they’re trying rather than simply being. Try this exercise:
- Find 10 minutes where you’re alone in your house or, if you can’t do that, go park somewhere and sit in your car.
- Close your eyes and breathe in for a count of four, hold it for a count of four, and breathe out for a count of four.
- Keep repeating this breathing and, as you do, focus on your breath as the air enters your lungs and leaves your nose.
- If thoughts enter your mind, don’t fight them but acknowledge them, and then allow them to drift away like a cloud in the sky.
3. Start planning. You didn’t get to this place in your life overnight and you’re certainly not going to reinvent yourself overnight either. This is where I work with my clients on the “3 Fs” – Focus, Filter, and Forget.
Focus – Create vision boards with photos and written journal entries of exactly what you want in your life – a new job, a new home, a new partner – with as many specifics as possible. Write out your perfect day from the moment you get up in the morning. What do you smell? Where are you – near a beach, a city, the country? What is the temperature outside? What do you eat? Where do you work – a large corporation, in a home office, in a small shop? How are you dressed?
Filter – Begin filtering out friends and family members who are not supportive of your dreams or just emanate negative energy. Don’t engage in conversations about your plans with them, as they will surely find ways to discourage you. Usually these people are unhappy themselves, and, as they say, misery loves company. Instead, surround yourself with people who will encourage you on your journey.
Forget – Let go of bad habits that will keep you from reaching your goals. This could include unhealthy eating habits, drinking too much, or smoking. It also could be the habit of volunteering for projects that you really don’t want to participate in. If your partner enjoys going to sporting events and that’s simply not your thing, politely decline. If friends constantly go out to expensive restaurants and you really can’t afford it, take a pass and suggest some free activities instead. The goal is to start living more authentically.