Some couples divorce for good reason, some throw in the towel before considering the impact of divorce.
Over the years, in my work as a Divorce Coach, I’ve kept a log of all the reasons my clients gave me for contemplating or, getting a divorce. One thing I’ve learned is, no two divorces are alike and there are countless reasons couples divorce.
Countless things difficult to live with for some but, acceptable for others. For example, I have a friend whose mother-in-law is a monumental pill. She goes out of her way to make my friend’s life miserable. Carrie, my friend, has a remarkable way of not letting it impact her or her marriage. The last thing Carrie would consider because of her nasty mother-in-law would be divorce.
For others though, negative influence from a family member sends them screaming for the nearest exit. If that is the case, then who am I to judge. We all have our limits and, according to no-fault divorce laws we all have a right to divorce.
When two people get married, they aren’t thinking that the marriage will end in divorce. But then hard times hit and sometimes they find themselves thinking either casually or seriously about divorce. But most people haven’t really thought carefully about the impact of divorce on themselves or what it will mean for their beliefs about marriage and commitment.
When, if ever, is it justified for a couple to divorce?
How hard and how long should people try to work things out? Does it make a difference if they have children? Does it matter how old the children are? There are many things to consider, but many people haven’t clarified the answers to these questions before they jump into the divorce process.
Like I said before, we all have a right to divorce but we also owe it to ourselves, no matter the reason, to consider the implications. I do want to clarify, if your marriage is abusive in any way or your spouse is addicted, then that is reason enough to leave.
31 Reasons Couples Divorce: Do You See Your Marriage Here?
1. Infidelity or lack of trust in the marriage.
3. Lack of communication.
4. Conflicts about money and debt and spending.
5. Jealousy of others or family members.
6. Domestic violence in the form of physical, emotional or verbal abuse.
7. Lack of support: emotional, financial, physical.
8. Sexual incompatibility or withholding sex to punish a spouse.
9. A change in sexual preference or identity.
10. Lack of an intimate bond with a spouse.
11. Lack of passion in the marriage.
12. Boredom or, “unhappiness.”
13. Religious and cultural differences.
14. Conflicts about parenting and children rearing.
15. Alcohol abuse.
16. Drug abuse.
17. Compulsive gambling.
18. Difference in priorities: financial, career, political.
19. Workaholics: one spouse puts their work before the marriage.
20. Spending more time with friends than with spouse.
21. Spouse’s disability: the burden of long-term care of an ill spouse.
22. Unrealistic expectations.
23. Controlling behavior.
24. Poor self-esteem in one or the other spouses.
25. Constant criticism from a spouse.
26. Rage, anger and verbal abuse issues.
27. Negative family or friend influences.
28. Not spending enough time together.
29. Unfinished business from a previous relationship or childhood
30. Incompatible personalities: Having different interests and personalities.
31. Personality disorder: Narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder.
Do you see your marriage or reason on the list? Have you made an effort to fix the reason you are thinking about divorce? Some on the list aren’t solvable, there is no way out of the situation other than divorce. Some, however, can be solved and worked through. And, I’ve always been a firm believer that if someone wants a divorce they should be willing to work their way out of a marriage and not just throw in the towel.
Let me leave you with this, it is interesting to note, according to research, that a significant number of divorced individuals, maybe as much as 50 percent, report that they wished they or their ex-spouse had tried harder to work through their differences. It is better to put forth effort into solving a marital problem than to live out the rest of your life with regret over a divorce you thought you wanted.