There is a stage in every divorce where no matter how amicable or tumultuous it might have been, your ex-partner takes the bold step of getting remarried.
It is important to note that others might welcome him back to the fold, now that he has entered the VIP realm of married couples. You, on the other hand, might feel you’ve been consigned to the past its sell-by date shelf. Keep in mind that this is purely a state of mind, and the quicker this shifts, the sooner you will be able to negotiate your well-being with ease and prose.
The reality is that married couples seem to feel more comfortable around others within the same status, perhaps through their ups and downs, they can reach comfort in the fact that there are other couples just as miserable as they are. The last thing they wish to see is a radiant, confident and self-assured divorced woman who is at the pinnacle of her life and is immersing in her new found freedom.
You, on the other hand, might feel as if you need to reflect, heal and take your time, meeting a partner which should be born out of self-esteem and confidence, not need and desperation. The reality is that due to differences in our gender, men seem to remarry first, it’s part of their constitution, you, however, might need something totally different.
So how do you appear nonchalant in the face of your ex’s remarriage?
Appear nonchalant even if it really hurts – This is not the best time to wear your heart on your sleeve, pick your close friends who you can go to offload your feelings to. When people ask you (with a sideward glance of pity) if you are actually okay, look them in the eyes and respond calmly with a positive statement without going overboard.
1) Don’t make underhand comments – If friends want to involve you in comments about the situation or want to ask for information, just say you have nothing to say, trust me the less said the better.
2) Behave with dignity – regardless of what your ex might have communicated to his new partner about why you split up (and how much of it is made up), continue to behave with dignity around all parties.
3) remember that when the news comes out, people will be watching how you look, and your overall demeanor, whatever your feelings, step out looking good.
5) let people see that you are okay no matter what.
Ignore any attempts by your ex-spouse to push your buttons and go about life as usual.
If you find yourself feeling as if your ex-spouse is purposely rubbing the new marriage in your face or reveling in how miserable he or she thinks the new marriage makes you feel, remind yourself of how childish that is of him or her, and be the bigger person. Eventually, your ex-spouse will get tired of trying to push your buttons and stop.
Smile and say hello to your ex’s new spouse.
Be polite and cordial if you ever find yourself face to face with them. There is no need to say anything else or to partake in superficial chit-chat The key is to be polite and not rude, even if you’re feeling absolutely miserable inside.
This is not about being inauthentic, but generally, others only want to hear your difficult times only so that they can tell others about it, the question is, do you want to people to see you as a victim or a victor, it’s your choice. be authentic with the people who matter to you and who will be there no matter what, for others, there is no need to discuss every intimate feeling you have. be your authentic self by bringing out the best of you.