There’s a saying that I despise, No good deed goes unpunished. It’s simply not true. Two weeks ago I felt that communication between The Genius and me had deteriorated to such a degree that we needed professional help to get things back on track.
Let’s talk to Dr. K.
It took a bit of prodding, but we booked a session and it was punishing. My aim was to calmly communicate my concerns about some co-parenting issues and get professional guidance as to whether or not my concerns were valid, and then try to come to an understanding with some guidelines about our co-parenting arrangement. I was shut down by The Genius at sentence five as I attempted to express my feelings. I was wrong on all accounts, there was a reason for everything, and I’m a bad housekeeper.
Hence, it was a long day. I’m processing like Twitter’s backroom. You know what the results of that will be when I post tomorrow night. Forgive me for this short entry. I went all out today to remain centered and try to shed the stress. For the most part it was a success. There’s was lots of play with the boys, a trip to the library, laundry, grocery shopping, dog food pick-up and even a 40 minute swim for me. If not for that swim, I would have churned way too hard and burned out my motor. It had a much more positive impact on me than the session, that’s indisputable.
I’ll get through this, and all the upheaval that is sure to continue. I know that. But I expect more. I almost bailed on a date with Mr. Delicious to head in to the city for Fleet Week. I’m a plane geek. Specifically super fast fighter jets and stealth bombers. I detest why they were designed, but I revere them nonetheless. I wanted to go, but after today’s session I just felt like cocooning. But then I realized that I felt that way because being around The Genius makes me want to shut down. Not just for him, but in general.
I can’t honor that. That’s not who I am. I expect more. I’m alive. I love Fleet Week – the ships, the planes, the water, seeing the route I swam from Alcatraz. As if that’s not enough, I get to spend the day taking in all those sights with a really nice guy who’s just beautiful, and sweet. Someone I want to get to know better.
I’m really hoping to do it without dark circles under my eyes.
This tuckered out girl, physically and emotionally, is going to finish some chores and get some beauty sleep. I will be back at the keys tomorrow night. Between now and then? Well, you know that not a moment goes by that I’m not fully in this thing. Thank you for being in here with me.
Love yourself,
Cleo
“…and burned out my motor.”
Yeah, that’s the danger with this divorce thing.
Keep the throttle close. Don’t overdo it. You’ll find the right cruising altitude soon.
M.
A,
And keep my feet on the rudder! I have to remain strong and persevere, even when I feel stressed and man-handled. I have made that choice and now must walk the walk. Or fly the plane. But not ride the Unicycle. I would severely injure myself. Love hearing from you, A. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo, again amazing how you recognize the bad habits of focusing on the negative and what brings you down and choosing not to go there. That is my personal battle, my inner Mt. Whitney or more likely Mt. Everest. No..my inner Mt. Everest is not playing the “What if” game, that really sucks time and energy away from me. Seeing how you are able to articulate these situations and see them in black and white on the page (or screen in this case) has inspired me to try writing a journal again. Maybe by writing out my choices and feelings as you have, I can better see what my options are and choose to focus on more positive feelings and being centered.
Also, I’ve been wondering since you’ve written about it how this weeks book writing has gone? I hope you’ve had a wonderful first week with your book.
M,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for your interest in my progress on the book. I am working on the outline and am pleased with how the story is developing. I’m really delighted by how the experiences in my life right now are providing me with an opportunity to create a story that will resonate with us all. I’m going to have to work harder than ever to accomplish my goal and must remind myself continuously that I am capable of succeeding. I have many reasons to be motivated. The trick is to not allow fear to be one of them.
Writing will surely help you to see how easy it is to spin negative or positive. We can go either way. You and I both know that it’s way more fun and productive to be optimistic! It’s a choice. Made by the heart to insure a positive frame of mind. Thank you for reminding me that the choice to remain positive and optimistic is one I must make every day, several times a day, but will eventually become a way of life.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Way to be graceful and true to yourself. I saw J.R. Martinez speak yesterday and the message was choose optimism, to overcome fear and adapt to what you cannot change. This blog shows how you do that, one day at a time. Enjoy your day and your journey. Thanks for sharing!
D,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Optimism is the oxygen of life. I had a fantastic day watching the Blue Angels with Mr. Delicious. The stress of divorce bubbles within, but I’m calming it by focusing on creating my own magic. I believe I will be loved and supported as I work towards fulfilling my dreams.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I love this: “Optimism is the oxygen of life.” As well as the part about you creating your own magic. If everyone realized the power, the opportunity, in creating their own magic — well, what a wonderful, empowered, creative society we’d be.
Hugs to you for your awesomesauce self.
M,
Thank you, my dear. Feeling more awesome today. Will post tonight. I’ve been through so many emotions in the last 48 hours I should have had my passport with me.
Lover yourself,
Cleo
Hang in there Cleo. It’s not easy. Honestly if you were totally feeling rocking fab after being belittled by your almost ex, and dealing with the end of a 2o year relationship… I’d think something was wrong;) I mean of course you ARE fabulous but it’s ok not to feel fabulous all the time … life cycles .. You are burning off the toxins from this relationship and sometimes the smoke gets in those wise eyes as you move to the new life.
Hugs,
Caitlin
C,
Thank you so much for your words of support. While there have been bright spots, I’ve been too easily emotionally swayed by the muck. I’ll give these feelings their due and move them along. The smoke is definitely going to clear, beginning tonight. Thanks for being here, C.
Love yourself,
Cleo