The quietest of days can swirl themselves up into a frenzy, spitting out message after message and sign after sign, bombarding me from all sides, until I brace myself against the winds, arms outstretched, head dropped and say, I am listening. No. Really. This time I’m going all Frazier on you and listening. Wednesday and Thursday were just that – a constant last ditch effort by the Universe to get me to listen.
I’m listening and I’m brave. And I believe. I believe I am in the perfect place at the perfect time in the perfect set of circumstances for my journey, for my life goals to be fulfilled. Perfectly and as planned. So I will stop holding on and bravely trek onward.
Today I am letting go.
(I’m crying so hard my glasses fogged up and my dog left the room.)
The past several weeks have been a series of ups and downs (shocker), which I can handle. But brewing beneath the surface was this feeling that I didn’t deserve to be settled, that anxiety and angst were going to be part of my world forever. Or at least until the dudes move out on their own and my co-parenting with The Genius ends for all practical purposes. The hits I was taking were part of the game plan. They gave me a free pass to be pissed. And that felt pretty good because it motivated me to push ahead. But pushing ahead angry only left me falling behind, not present, and knowing that I wasn’t living by my boundaries.
Which made me feel like crap. Which means I attract crap. But I’m not in the market for crap. So I ought to start acting like it.
Then I received this comment from Mr. Simplicity on Wednesday. It’s so important I had to include it in its entirety:
“I don’t usually go thru the comments on your blog, but for some reason I did this morning. Not your current post but 2 back – and then (and I never do this either) I ended up clicking thru to the “momastery.com” blog that someone mentioned in a comment. I randomly scrolled down in the comments from THAT post, and this quote literally jumped off the page at me:
“Let go or be dragged.”
You know I am a huge quote nerd, but I had never heard this one. And it really hit me because I love to ride motorcycles, jump horses over fences, ride wave-runners, go water-skiing (anything fast) – and in everyone of those situations, if you stumble or fall, the key is “LET GO!” or risk being dragged, turned, tumbled, bruised, knocked unconscious or worse.
It sucks that you have to deal with all this stuff you are dealing with. And deal with it you WILL.
But in reading this morning’s post it felt like you were doing all of this while ALSO carrying a 50 pound bag of sand on your back – in which contains “The Genius,” what he did, how he did it, how he’s living now, what he said/says, how he treated/treats you, etc. All of this is a “drag” on you moving forward.
You HAVE to move forward – but you do NOT have to carry that bag of sand. No – this is not about forgiveness, any more than I have to forgive the boat that is dragging my uncoordinated butt around the lake as I fall. It’s just about letting go of the rope, so that I don’t get any more messed up than I am. Letting go is not for the boat – it’s for ME. Dig? The boat does not care whether I let go or not – it will just keep going and going and going.
I know this easier for me to say than for you to do, but…
“Let go or be dragged.””
Can we please all stand and applaud the total fabulousness that is Mr. Simplicity.
When he says, “I don’t usually go thru the comments on your blog,…” and “(and I never do this either)”, he’s not trying to say, Just so you know, I don’t spend my whole day tooling around HGM clicking here and there and everywhere. I am a dude, you know.
He’s saying, I was lead to this quote because you need to hear it. The world-at-large has been trying to drum this message through your thick, Swedish skull, but you have been denying it a home in your heart. You have taken all the right steps on the surface but inside you’re still holding on to the rope.
And being dragged.
And fighting valiantly to remain who I have been even though who I am now is who I need to be. And she is way cooler, stronger, more vibrant than she has ever been.
“You HAVE to move forward – but you do NOT have to carry that bag of sand.”
And if I choose to carry that bag of sand then it’s as if I’m telling the Universe, Don’t work so hard on my behalf, I’m committed to doing this the hard way. To which it replies:
Good luck with that, moron. We’ll just put away all these magical encounters and remarkable experiences for another lifetime, maybe even another soul.
The thought of that happening brings me to tears. I need those encounters and remarkable experiences. I like playing life this way – seeing the signs, believing in them, being fearless and brave, trusting in my intuition, valuing this opportunity, this gift of life so much so that I am unwilling to short my experience. I do not want to discount one single sign. Not one message sent, no matter how quietly it’s whispered. And I don’t want to waste a moment on anyone or anything that isn’t completely down with the way I need to move forward.
“No – this is not about forgiveness…Letting go is not for the boat – it’s for ME. Dig?”
I’ve been unwilling to let go because somehow I have equated that with sending the message to The Genius and whomever else listens that his deceit and betrayal were no big deal, happens all the time. All is forgiven. Look at us all co-parenting and stuff, and him being able to sleep at night.
I did forgive the affair – I get points for that right? Sweet. Because I am so not forgiving the purchase of this house. Oh, no. I’m holding on to that puppy. That was acid thrown in my eyes as they were too busy crying tears of betrayal to slam shut. I’m going to wear it like a corset cinched by a giant and double-knotted. Just try and get this thing off me.
Can somebody loosen this rope around my neck? It’s getting awfully hard to breath in here.
I knew I was doing something that didn’t feel good, yet I couldn’t stop. Until I read the comment from Mr. Simplicity. And then, while strolling the streets of Petaluma, a few hours after reading his words, I hear the little dude say in conversation with his brother, You really have to be good, being bad to yourself will kill you.
He’s five.
He said it for my benefit alone. I don’t feel he was aware that words were coming out of his mouth. You can tell when a child is a messenger. It’s plain as day.
I was being bad to myself in a couple ways that were truly handcuffing the Universe and had me flipping end over end as I tried to hold on to the rope. Negative thoughts, negative behaviors, staying in negative situations. It had to end.
I had to stop being afraid of what is ahead for me and realize that holding on to the rope tied to the past was choking me. For about a week now, I could feel the Universe stamping its feet in displeasure at my thoughts and at choices I was making. We were at odds. So, it should come as no surprise that healthy and magical encounters were few and far between. I could feel people hovering on the fringes of my space, being held back because I couldn’t be rewarded unless I changed my ways.
I felt guilty. I haven’t felt guilty in a long time. I’ve been living a straight up, honest existence. But holding on to that rope because I felt tethered (falsely grounded) by it was so bad for me, yet I continued to clutch it in my hands.
By nightfall Wednesday I was starting to see how I was sabotaging myself. Each acknowledgement I made was met by a new comment from a kitten sending love and support and ideas and wishes for a return to kick-ass happiness and serenity for me. When I awoke Thursday I was feeling stronger.
My heart was now deprogramming my mind.
It has to be this way. I have to let go. The Genius can’t be a large, medium or even small focus of my energy anymore. I can’t waste energy steeling myself every time I know our paths will cross. I can’t go out of my way to involve him in what the boys and I are doing. I can’t punish him. I can’t be the one that shows him his dark side. I can’t long for a productive co-parenting relationship with him. I can’t count on him. I can’t trust him. We will never be friends. It really is time to move on. Nothing that goes on in my life from this day forward has anything to do with him. Not with what he’s done, what he will do, what he refuses to do.
Yes, he’s the father of two amazing, loving, smart, joyous boys. I am a co-parent with him for the next 13 years. I have every right to speak up when it comes to parenting these children. There are some issues to deal with, and I will address them without hesitation. But all I need to do is insure that my children are safe and secure and loved by me, and if I run into any issues I pick up the phone and call my attorney. If we have an issue at school the school can deal with us independently. I don’t have to be the one to try and teach, or come to a common ground, or ease our road ahead as co-parents. I’m done with that.
It doesn’t work. Progress is not made. And it doesn’t feel good.
But now we get down to the really sneaky part. A tiny little thread can decapitate me. In letting go, I must not harbor any negative feelings toward The Genius and I must not desire to affect change with The Genius.
In the healthiest way ever, I must let go of the rope. And then look around in the light for any tiny little threads. Then, I must take a candle to them, singe them and watch them vanish.
So last night I did. And I flew back in a blue-green spray of sea water, with seals and dolphins bounding and cutting this way and that, welcoming me to their fluid world. I hit the water on my back and skipped like a flat rock side-armed by a fearless boy. The boat raced ahead as fast as I fell away.
It’s done.
In letting go of the rope, The Genius has become the distant hum of an engine, miles away on an open sea. White noise.
May he be well.
The events that led me to where I am today are in the past. They’ve served their purpose. Now the spotlight is on me. Which is vastly different from saying It’s all on me. I’m delighted to hand over this house to whomever is meant to care for it with their full passion. This house deserves that. I’m excited to see where I end up. I am beyond thrilled to purge for the final time as I pack to move. And because I have let go, I know that I will manifest the perfect place for the boys and I to live.
As I was burning the last threads, the Universe was working hard on my behalf to show me that my letting go would be rewarded. While watching the San Francisco Giants play the style of baseball I love the most – small ball – an email was sent, an offer so thoughtful and generous made, one that I accepted. An offer from a man who may one day share his story with me, with us. In the interim he offered to share his expertise as a real estate attorney. Right behind him was a handful of you taking your time to come up with ways to create revenue, sell a house, make some joy.
You kittens really are an exceptional bunch of furballs.
I am so excited to show you that your support, time, love, efforts on my behalf are all so very worth it. Because I’m not going to waste another moment holding on. I need both hands free so I can fly and high five you along the way.
Till Tuesday, if I can stay away that long…
It will be a magical weekend, so please join me on Twitter.
You bring me such joy. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
“Let go, or be dragged”. Sounds like Mr. Simplicity is a genius – a true one. This will be my new mantra as I navigate the waters of betrayal. While still living with my “The Genius”. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done but my son deserves the old college try. So I’m trying. And it’s trying. I’ve spent the past seven months trying to figure him out until I realized that, once again, my focus and energy was all about him. Still. I don’t want to be dragged anymore. I refuse to be. Your blog has helped open my eyes to not only who my husband really is (and always has been) but also to the possibilities of life, and the gifts that reside in those possibilities. I want to thank you for reaching out, sharing your life and making a difference with women like me.
S,
You are so very welcome. I am thrilled to know that my words have helped you. And yes, Mr. S is truly an amazing guy. I remember the day when I cold-called him like it was yesterday. Which is stunning, because I cold-called a lot of people who ultimately became very good clients of mine, but it is only his call that I remember, nearly start to finish. It’s those signs now that I love to pick up on in the moment.
Co-habitating with The Genius post Pocket Call was the very definition of hell for me. (Sorry, Mom!) Pure hell. Taking care of myself physically was really important during that time. I hope you are able to get some time to break a sweat; work out, take a sauna, hot shower even…it almost doesn’t matter – although the physical activity is key – as long as during that time, in whatever the setting, you are focusing on being gentle and loving with yourself. Your son deserves to see his Mom take excellent care of herself.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for your kind words. Stay close…
Love yourself,
Cleo
Bravo! Now this is the Cleo I’ve come to expect.
M,
I took a bow for you. Thank you. It feels so very wonderful right now. I’m excited and I sense you are, too!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Mr. Simplicity’s quote finding was a boon to me as well…I find myself repeating that line several times a day, as I too am struggling with letting go of a sense of unfairness about financial aspects of my divorce (my ex got the house — basically for free — that I paid the majority of a large down payment on. He gets to live inside my life savings now). I feel this struggle is, for me, a huge piece of the puzzle in my personal growth. Not that I need to overcome it, necessarily, because I feel the unfairness issue has manifested itself in various ways over the course of my life and will likely continue to do so (it’s clearly a “trigger” for me), but I do need to integrate it, understand it, and thereby tame its effects on me as a person, if that makes any sense.
Kudos to you for recognizing and deciding to sever the dysfunctional cords that bind you to TG. It takes a lot of conscious effort, that’s for sure — I’m working every day on doing that with my ex (and finding that repetition of Mr. Simplicity’s quote also helps enormously in that area!). Because we have a child together, I feel that there will always be a single thread connecting us, but that thread will get thinner and thinner over time, and I won’t feel its uncomfortable pull nearly as much or as often as I do now. As a wise person once told me, the opposite of love isn’t hate or anger; it’s indifference. Viva la indifference!
N,
Makes sense? Whoa. Yes. Hugely. Every single one of your words. As recently as five minutes ago I repeated, Let go!, as I attempted to understand how someone can say, “You’ve had nine months to get over this. Move on.” Oh, gee…thanks for the big chunk of time to come to grips with your 15 years of lies. You are too kind.
Sometimes I try to respond in my brain to that madness, but now I find myself saying, Let go! I will never, ever, ever have a positive affect on The Genius, so if I don’t stop trying I am a fool. A fool because I am wasting precious planet time on someone who doesn’t deserve it.
There are so amazing cool people on this planet – you being one of them – who deserve my time, my affection, my loyalty, my love. I’m going where the greatest positive impact can be made.
THIS is so key for me! “…the opposite of love isn’t hate or anger; it’s indifference. Viva la indifference!” Thank you for sharing it. I have been repeating this as well since first reading your comment. You rock. Thank you for being here.
Love yourself,
Cleo
You, my dear, are a rockstar. This is my favorite, I think, of all your posts. And I realized that I was not helping you let go of the rope by constantly belittling your ex in practically every comment I’ve made. So I will let go of that rope as well even though it wasn’t mine to begin with. I was holding onto that rope because I know how it feels and maybe I haven’t let go of my own rope completely yet either. Something for me to work on right alongside you.
In any event, you have a herd of kittens ready and willing to help you with whatever you need. As the owner of eight cats and foster mom of six (yes, we actually have 14 cats in our house right now), I know a bit about the feline character. And your herd is here to help you.
Hugs from NC.
P.S. I have good experience in staging homes to sell so reach out if you want any help.
Meow.
K,
I am cracking up right now! There are SO many hilarious ways to read your comment. THIS IS WHY I so wish I could also do audio replies. I would read your comment back to you with my own inflection and we would be doubled over, crying with laughter.
This sentence KILLS me! I am crying with laughter, barely able to type…but here it is: “So I will let go of that rope as well even though it wasn’t mine to begin with.”
And then I’d say, Thank you. For your kindness, support and time. I truly appreciate the time you spend here with me.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I’m glad I made you laugh. I feel rather stupid, however, that I don’t ‘get’ the joke or even one of the many hilarious ways to read my comment. I wasn’t trying to be funny (but, again, glad I made you laugh). I think I may just have to stick to lurking until those audio replies are available.
K,
Please don’t just lurk! It’s the Seinfeld in me. I imagined Elaine saying, I’m holding on and it’s not even my rope! ON that day I was super glad you made me laugh. I’m valuing laughter these days as much as honesty. I await more brilliance from you, K. And I’ll be sure to let you know how much I adore your presence here at HGM. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Your herd, rather.
You know when you hear somethig, or read something, and in your very core you know it is TRUE. Not just true, but fundamentally, personally, specifically true- that it is exactly what you need to hear in exactly the moment you need to hear it? When you feel the almost physical shift of knowing something major that you just didn’t ‘get’ before? Well, of course you do- because you just had that reaction to ‘Let go or be dragged.”
“I’ve been unwilling to let go because somehow I have equated that with sending the message to The Genius and whomever else listens that his deceit and betrayal were no big deal, happens all the time. All is forgiven. Look at us all co-parenting and stuff, and him being able to sleep at night.”
My divorce was final on Monday, and I expected to be undone this week. I woke up Tueday morning expecting a wave of sorrow that never came. I lay there, calmly, and thought to myself- what do I NOT have today that I did have yesterday? The answer was absolutely nothing. Anything lost was lost long ago. I have spent this week feeling good. Happy, even. And I realize that I have actually been fighting that. I have been dredging up all the awful things he did, making myself think about his HDC, having imaginary confrontations in my head. I read what you wrote and realized why I was deliberately courting sorrow. I didn’t want to ‘let him off the hook.’ Like if I am happy, and well, and moving toward something new for myself, then he’ll be able to tell himself that what he did wasn’t so bad. ‘See- she’s okay!’ And I didn’t want him to have that. At what cost, though?
I am not going to do that any more. Life is short, and I have already given over way too much time and power and energy to someone who has absolutely no regard for my happiness or well being. He’s got that covered, and doesn’t need my help. Thank you so much for being willing to lay yourself open the way you have- I wonder if you know how much you are helping the rest of us traveling down similar paths? I think you are amazing.
L,
ProFOUND! Deliberately courting sorrow so as not to let him off the hook. Well said, m’lady. That really resonated with me. I’ve been deliberately courting joy, but this is a dual world. Where there’s joy there’s sorrow waiting for an crack in the door to creep back in and set up camp. I’ve been taking note of how easily self-destructive habits, negative feelings and the woe is me can slip in unnoticed, feeding fears and halting progress.
It’s remarkable. It can be alarming. But it’s also necessary so we may exercise the new muscles we have – those that grow on joy and love and optimism.
Thank you for your kind words. L, I don’t think I’ll ever fully know how HGM has helped others unless I’m standing in a room with you all. But if that were to happen I’d be hard pressed to speak through the tears. You all have changed my life. Forever. In ways that are so beautiful that I can’t put it into words. Tears… Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
Someone just posted this on Facebook- and while it is the work of my favorite poet, it is one I’d not read before. I immediately thought of you. And the kittens.
The Uses of Sorrow
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
Mary Oliver
Yes.
Laura
L,
Yes. Lately it has felt more like a burden than a gift, but when I pause and look deep inside me I see that I am changed for the better and much better positioned for a life filled with joy and surrounded by people who are honest and respect the gift of life. Who respect each other. Who choose to live a life based on values, ethics and morals.
I’m not willing to settle for less. Thanks for the reminder that I don’t have to.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Some gifts are prettier than others, for sure. But. What I keep saying to myself is this- what’s worse than finding out at 40 that your marriage is a joke? Finding out at 45. Or 50. Or 55. Or never. Because as awful and burdensome as this process hase been- and it has been wretched- at least I know what life I am living now.
And you are exactly right, you don’t need to settle for anything less than a joy filled life, surrounded by people with integrity who truly love you. Real love. The verb. Not greeting card, sentimental, no “there” there love. And you will have it. I know this.
I used to look at the day I found out about the infidelity as the worst day of my life- but it wasn’t. It was a day filled with grace. It took me a long time to get to a place where I could see that, but here I am.
L,
Such beautiful words that teach us to see with our hearts and not our minds.
“…at least I know what life I am living now.” And it’s a beautiful one, free of deceit.
Thank you, L.
Love yourself,
Cleo
That’s great that Mr. Realtor found you! I certainly hope you have the BEST divorce lawyer. Thanks for all the laughs, tears, and inspiring words!
L,
Real estate lawyer with a real estate license. And clearly a heart of gold. I’m sure I don’t have thebest lawyer, but I believe that it will work out fairly in the end. You are so welcome, L. I’m grateful you’re here. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
C
Thank you for your post tonight. It has resonated all the way to my toes! My divorce from big liar was finalized on Monday. It has created so many anxieties in me that sleep is hard to come by. While I am scraping by, he is flying around with “girl friend of the week” in his personal plane. May lightening strike, not the plane, but really near it to scare them to death!
We share custody of two beautiful girls. While big liar was a lousy friend and husband I hope he can keep his priorities right and focus on our girls…..we shall see.
In the end his affair isn’t what sealed the coffin on our marriage, it was that I found out that he kept all of his financial earnings separate and in his name only….. So for 15 years while I thought we were partners in everything….it turns out we were just two ships that honked in the fog…. I came into this marriage with nothing but I am leaving with half -custody of two amazing and witty girls….that is priceless. Thanks for helping me LET GO!!!
KD
K,
You’re welcome! In turn I thank Mr, Simplicity. I’m so grateful that the post came at a time when the words worked for you. That’s a good feeling for us both. Oh, but the anxiety. I know how unsettling that can feel. That at any moment circumstances could change and a whole new game plan on the fly would be needed. Anxiety is in the top 3 of all energy zapping emotions. It’s a buzz kill.
I like witty. Witty is in the top 3 of all insanely attractive traits of all times.
When I read this – he is flying around with “girl friend of the week” in his personal plane – I pictured them flying around in circles. Immediately. I laughed for a while about that.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being here. You’ve made it, K. Nicely done. Celebrate you. If you haven’t taken yourself on a date, I suggest you make a reservation at home or away, but soon. Really soon.
Love yourself,
Cleo
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
So I googled quotes on letting go and stumbled across that little nugget above. After reading it the song “Magic Carpet Ride” popped into my head (random?). Enjoy your newly cleansed, genius free life, I know all of us kittens are stoked. Yippa!
D,
Fabulous quote. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I am stoked, too. It’s not like the flip of a switch, but I feel so much freer. I’m comfortable embracing the many changes coming, and know that doing so with optimism is going to result in some magical encounters and experiences. I’m really ready.
…I need to come up with my own celebratory scream. I’m thinking Ee-OWW!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Cleo,
I’ve been following your story for a while now with great interest, but never felt moved to comment. But when I read this post, something immediately jumped out at me, and I need to say something to you now. I’m a big fan, and I’m bringing this up with love in my heart:
Let go of this blog.
Now, hear me out:
“His Giant Mistake” has been built on the foundation of his betrayal. Even its name recalls that event. It’s like he’s steeped into the very fabric of the story, looming over every encounter or experience you share with us. I can’t read about your experiences swimming from Alcatraz, or your encounter with the boy who lost a finger, without first thinking about “His Giant Mistake.”
Maybe letting go means striking out into fresh territory, changing the name of the blog. Or better yet, maybe start a new one to make a complete break with it. Keep it around – the stories here are part of your journey, and part of where you came from. You can’t know where you are going if you don’t know where you’ve been. But if you really want to let go of the past, I think letting go of this blog and starting anew somewhere else would help cement that letting go. And it would let all of us let it go as well.
Fair Winds and Following Seas,
Craig
C,
I SO wish we were at a wine bar going back and forth on this! I know it is sent with love. Thank you for that.
I see your point. And part of me wishes I could change the name at the right time. But then, like today, I open my email and see twenty stories of people who just found out that their spouse cheated on them. They are back at Post One where the title resonates. They are raw, shredded open, crying so many tears. I want them to be able to start at the beginning, right where I did when this blog was born, and walk in all our footsteps.
I need to let go of the desire for moral victories with The Genius (I let go of him when I found out it was four years and I’ve never wanted to touch him again – literally or figuratively.), but the past year’s journey is something that I don’t want to let go of ever. Every aspect of it – the great and the awful – are so key to who I am today. And I love this chick.
So, patience my dear. One day you will get your wish in some form. And perhaps one day I’ll get mine. You pick the wine bar.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo,
I am so glad you decided to let go of the rope. Congratulations! I also wanted to share with you that your blog is the second time in a week that I heard the quote “Let go or be dragged.” I guess the Universe has a message there for me too, so thank you so much for sharing. Love when that happens.
A big part of my healing work has been to let go of people, places, situations, memories, or resentments that I was carrying around like my own 50-lb. bag of sand. One thing that has been very helpful for me is to create rituals that send the signal to the Universe that I am really, truly releasing these things and inviting something else in their place. It might be writing down all my resentments, burning them, and releasing the ashes into a body of water. I’ve even written things down, torn the paper into tiny pieces, and flushed them down the toilet where they belong
A very important teacher once told me that nature abhors a vacuum, so when you let go of the gunk, make sure you consciously choose what you want to take the place of it. Because if you don’t, something unconscious might just rush on in to fill that space. Maybe it’s light, or love, or warmth, or whatever else you need right now, but envision it filling the space you have freed in your body and your heart by releasing your energetic attachment to The Genius. It will fill up that space and prevent the gunk from ever trying to come back.
Also, I can SO relate to the desire to try to drag others into the light once I find out how amazing it is to live there. In some ways it would be great if we could. However, that would deprive them of the opportunity to learn their own lessons (the hard way if they so choose) and ultimately just drains us of energy and stalls our own spiritual development. The Genius will learn his lessons, in this lifetime or another. How freeing for you that now you don’t have try to be his teacher anymore!
Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to your posts and am cheering you on from where I am.
Maggie
M,
“How freeing for you that now you don’t have try to be his teacher anymore!” How freeing and CHALLENGING! I spent the day with the dudes reading and making soup and trading candy, doing homework and laughing. I thought about not having this time with them and it killed me. I wish I could get The Genius to realize how important it is for them in light of what is going on to have me there as I have been since the beginning, but it’s a lost cause. So I will have to make whatever changes in life I must make to give them what they need right now and forget the idea that The Genius and I are on the same page when it comes to parenting our children.
Your guidance about proactively filling the void with positive energy is key. Being present in the moment shows us how easy it is for the negative to intrude, pushing aside love and peace and wreaking havoc. By not being present, the negative has full access to my core. Being present shows me that, and provides me with the opportunity to proactively nurture hope, love and optimism.
Thank you for helping me to remain present and for your kind words. I love knowing you are there for me, for us.
Love yourself,
Cleo
I have been following your blog for some time now, but this is the first time I have felt compelled to comment.
Thank you (& Mr. Simplicity) for this post. You have put into clear words something I have been struggling with for longer than I care to admit. You have said it in a way I can not only understand, but put into practice for myself. I don’t want to sound overly dramatic, but I think you just saved my life.
With more gratitude than i know how to express,
Kk
K,
I’m so grateful our words have helped you to see more clearly that you are magic, and all the muck that swirls around us begs to be explored to discover the jewels that are within it. I wish that tomorrow our paths could cross on Mt. Tam as mine did with Nancytex – so unplanned but timed perfectly. I’d hug you like I do the little dude when I drop him off at school.
Alright, Mom. I have to go line up now. I finally release, begrudgingly.
Your life is yours. Let’s live it large, together. It’s going to feel so great when we’re 90, still with fire in our eyes, recalling our bravery, the struggles, the many moments of pure bliss, and our adventurous push ahead as we left behind the life we thought we were living to live the life we were always meant to live. I want to be wearing kitten heels and really cool garden dress, drinking a Clear Conscience.
I’m grateful you were so open in your comments for a personal reason. I want Mr. Simplicity to know how much he has affected my life. In reading your comment he will see how his insights, when put into words, change people’s lives. He’s a gifted guy. And apparently a tad on the reckless side!
Stay close, K. Do not hesitate to tap into the wisdom of the kittens. And I am here for you always.
Love yourself,
Cleo
No doubt Mr S’ advice was spot on and that you need to remove the 50 lb bag of sand (I actually envision some really nasty,vile contents (not sand) inside the bag), but I can’t help but to wonder if there is a way to attach said bag to the boat (TG) as you let go?
Sorry, one last snarky comment about TG before I let go.
Brava, C – so excited for you as you move through this next brilliant phase.
Nancy xoxo
N,
Thank you, N! Thought of you fondly today as I plan for a long hike on Tam tomorrow. The full moon will rise over the mountain as I wrap my hike at the beach. Blowing a kiss to the Pacific for you while I recall that magical day when our paths crossed. So very wild.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Have an amazing hike! I’ll be thinking of you too next week when I’m hiking the hills and trails in Malibu. But first a weekend at my place in Vegas with 2 girlfriends (assuming Sandy lets me fly out Wednesday…). One of my gf and I are driving from Vegas to Malibu for a week’s stay at Fitness Ridge (the Biggest Loser resort!). 6 hours of workouts/day, starting with a 2-3 hour hike each morning. Cannot wait! And although I believe booze to be contraband at Fitness Ridge, I’ll have a Ginger Tea whilst there and clink teacups in your honour!
N,
Thank you, m’lady. And while you clink that tea cup, I’ll grab my mug of Clear Conscience and pretend it’s all spa water! Topanga is a beautiful place to hike. Perhaps you’ll make it down there. I have many amazing memories of Malibu – my grandparents lived there. The ‘bu will always have a very special place in my heart. Blow a kiss to the ocean for me! And work that fantastic body!
Love yourself,
Cleo
Hi Cleo,
I have read your blog from start to today and am in the middle of my own similar experience. This post hit me hard. Hard enough for me to finally comment I guess. I want to thank you for helping me not feel so alone. I have been struggling with the holding on part myself and am trying to honor my heart and my feelings but struggling with the conflicts they have with my brain. There is a great song by Pink “blow me on last kiss. the lyrics I think will resonate with you. ” White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight, clench shut jaw, I’ve got another headache again tonight, eyes on fire, eyes on fire and they burn from all the tears I’ve been cryin I’ve been cryin I’ve been dyin over you, tie a knot in the rope trying to hold tryin to hold but theres nothing to grab, so I let go” It’s a great song.
One of my biggest fears was that this person would leave me, and he did. So now I figure, there is nothing left to fear. thank you for writing.
R,
Great song. The dudes and I dance to it whenever it comes on. All of the lyrics are great, but none better than this line:
“One of my biggest fears was that this person would leave me, and he did. So now I figure, there is nothing left to fear.”
You figured right, m’lady. Now fill that void with love and the spirit of adventure. Go do something wild.
Thank you for being here and for taking the time to comment. I’m so glad you did.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Thank you so much for this. I’ve read it through at least ten times. My soon to be ex left today–and his married mistress helped him move out! “Let go or be dragged.” I need to remember the things you said about the Genius as well. It hit home incredibly hard. Thank you
J,
You are so very welcome. I keep reading it, too. I don’t want the message to be diluted by time. I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you.
Love yourself,
Cleo
My favorite post, too — and it’s a tough competition, believe me! You have so many amazing ones. We all should probably have “Let go” tattooed (or perhaps beadazzled!) onto our hands. Mr Simplicity, you are our hero! (And “momastery,” too, whoever you are — I’m going to check that one out next!)
All blessings upon you as you let go of that enormous sandbag and move into freedom and joy!
Oh, and — GO GIANTS!
Love again,
Phyllis
P,
Thank you, m’lady. And CONGRATULATIONS to the San Francisco Giants! What a ride! I have to admit, I was hoping for a victory tomorrow to seal the deal. For many reasons. It couldn’t be sweeter, tho. Tres happy.
Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling freer and much more grounded. Much more serene. As always, it’s a delight to have you here, P.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Pure genius, the real kind. “I must not desire to affect any change with the Genius.” Yes! This is exactly what I am struggling with. Head games: ” if I do X maybe he will stop lying/ be nicer to he children/ be reliable / be the man inthiughthe was again/ stop drinking/ get help/ fill in the blank. ” It’s exhausting. My hands are burned from the rope grip. I hold on in other ways, wanting it to be different, wanting to make something out of our past. Here is where i deeply struggle. I am afraid if I let go, what does the past 18 years mean? If I let go and accept the very grim facts I’ve come to learn, how do I view the past 18 years? What dothey mean? I realize there is no logic here in my thoughts, but I sobbed literally reading your post because it hit me why I am holding on. I don’t want him back, but… I want it to be different and to make sense. I want him to get it. The part about showing him his dark side, oh that hit a core with me. I can’t what that either, and am ashamed to see I have.. Bc if he sees it, he’ll stop,lying/drinking/ here we go again! I can’t play that role for him. Nor should I. Looks like I have got plenty work to do with and on moi-meme;)
This post may be my catalyst.
Another poster quoted Pink. Excellent! I’ve wanted to quote Katy Perry – I’m Wide Awake… Do you know this one? Is a good one.
Hugs,
Caitlin
This post and comment are approximately 1000 years old but I am here right now. My h cheated but I still love him. We had issues (like everyone else) that feel surmountable. But after a long talk last night he can’t or won’t fix himself. He KNOWS he is broken, he KNOWS he is doing wrong, he can’t. That’s the bottom line. He said if he could disappear for a year and fix himself he would. But he can’t so he won’t. Makes me so sad. I loved him deeply for a decade and he can’t. I’m really trying this week to let go because he will be moving out shortly but it’s so hard when you know there is more but the person is scared and can’t make the choice.
C,
I am so sorry I wasn’t able to post this comment sooner. Man, Halloween was a one day affair when I was growing up! These puppies get to party for a whole week! It’s been a horror! (I kid, I kid…) It was a blast, but I am behind. I would have liked to congratulate you sooner for being so open to letting my words run wild within you. It seems that a lot was kicked up, no? Much the same for me, as you know. One little quote – Let Go or Be Dragged – that is so shifty! In a very good way, of course.
It seems I need to let go of dozens of ropes a day. It’s not one big Let Go! But a series of little let go’s that all will eventually add up to one free chick. I’m determined, C. Utterly and totally determined to ride this one out. I’m letting go all over the place! Goodness, let’s hope this doesn’t get out of hand.
Pink rocks. As does Wide Awake. Both apropos. I also love Nine Inch Nails’ ‘Starf*cker’. Oh, wait. Wrong blog.
(Sorry, Mom!)
You rock, C.
Love yourself,
Cleo
Ahhh, Caitlin, I’ve been doing that dance for so long. I truly feel your pain. In good news, it’ll get better. I read this all and while it resonated more than almost any post, I wasn’t crying. THAT is a big deal to me.
The women (and scattering of men) here are so inspirational. We can move through this. We ARE moving through this together, with the wisdom and wittiness of our friend Chloe. xoxo
H,
Thank you, H. From all of us.
Love yourself,
Cleo