Sexual Evolvement

My guest posters are proving to be shy.  So, I might as well keep going.

A friend of mind told me yesterday via text that I am becoming less inhibited.  

Inhibited, me?

I didn’t quite know if she meant in general with the stuff I put on my blog 

or 

if she meant that it seemed that I was becoming less inhibited sexually 

from what I have shared on my blog.

It could be either because this friend probably knows more about my sexual life through the years

than anyone else that doesn’t reside in my head.

We have been friends since our second year of college.  As a matter of fact, when I told her I was talking to “AL” again, she said his whole name, “Al _____________?”  it stunned me because he came before college and she never met him (plus I had a few other college boyfriends with the same first name that she actually knew) but I guess I talked about him fondly and she deduced quickly if I was talking to an “Al”, it was sure to be that one.

After we graduated from college we moved to Chicago, got an apartment downtown in Lincoln Park,  got jobs, and had waaaaay too much fun for nice Southern girls.

Our lives weren’t too far from this movie.

I would say she knows most of the things in my life that I have done that I am ashamed of and apparently loves me anyway.

And she thinks I am becoming less inhibited. 

At this stage of my life I can look back and see that I am different now than I was in my 20’s and even 30’s.  In my 20’s, I guess I was just learning.  I don’t remember any earth shattering experiences and I do think I was sort of inhibited.  To be honest, it really wasn’t that good for me.  Probably because I didn’t have a relationship that was great or one in which I had great communication.  In hindsight I can see now that I have to have that to really let go.

But that might be unique to me. 

Because I have a friend who tells of guy she dated that blew her mind in the sack.  She said that was the best sex of her life.  But he didn’t have an education and wasn’t very smart and they didn’t have much to talk about.  Her husband is brilliant but I don’t think he curls her toes like the dumb one did.   

I was always an accomplished flirt

I could usually get the guy but then what to do with him once I got him?  I think I was ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’ to quote Waylon Jennings.  I think I was always looking for a love connection which resulted in some bad sex. Embarrassing but when I was about 30, I thought maybe I did have a problem and bought this book.

I read it and decided, check, check, check, no it’s not me, these guys just SUCK.

Really, a whole lot of men could try harder.

Then came along Stanley who quit trying the day after the wedding.

During my 30’s and early 40’s it was all Stanley, and much frustration as previously shared.

Now in my late 40’s, I think I am coming into my own sexually.  (yes, I see I said it.)

Sometimes I feel like a sex kitten.  

(Wish I looked like Brigitte Bardot!)

I am comfortable to initiate it even.  I’ve never really done that before.

Is it because I am open to him emotionally?  YES.

But also I think it is because at 48 y.o.  I am so over bad sex.

As a matter of fact, I’m not going to tolerate it.

I’m not going to tolerate lazy in any form in a relationship really.

I’ve had my fill.

I think that knowing that, and knowing what I want and don’t want, means I’m ready to let go and go for it if I am in the mood. Hell, I can finally see promise for my 50’s!