Earlier this week a certain web site offered a certain fashion magazine $10,000 to run un-retouched photos of an actress whose body has ignited a tiresome and insipid media conversation.
That anyone is spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about an actress’s body, whether or not she should be naked on TV, and now, the meaning of her retouched photos (by the way, the actress whose name I refuse to mention seems perfectly fine with them) when there are so many truly important things to think about, is ridiculous.
Also egregious is the polarization of views on women’s bodies — not only how they are discussed and displayed by the media, but also the way we judge women for how they choose to look.
I had professional photos taken for my business web site. The photographer offered me two free re-touches, and I debated which ones to use: the real-me with a middle-aged lady’s crow’s feet and smile lines, or the photo-shopped me with smoother skin.
For research purposes, I sent out a mass e-mail to friends with both pictures displayed, and asked them to choose which they liked better. The results were 50-50, with no consistency in gender response. Some people preferred me au naturel because they felt they would want to talk to that person. Some voted for the photo-shopped version. The reason? Photo-shopping is de riguer for 21st century self-promotion.
After much pondering, I chose the photo-shopped pictures for the reason above. AND because I preferred myself without the crow’s feet and lines. Does this make me vain? Maybe. Does this make me a victim of female objectification? I think not. Does this mean I suffer from internalized hatred, that I devalue my un-retouched self because I’m a slave to beauty and age bias? Please. My choice was a personal one, no better or worse than someone else’s decision to display herself with her imperfections.
I dye my hair. I favor fire-engine-red nail polish on my toes. I do arm exercises because I like my triceps toned. I don form-fitting clothes. I wear nice lingerie everyday, even to the grocery store, and have been called, at times, a vamp.
And yet I vehemently reject any suggestion that I am anti-feminist, or a hostage of convention. I am particular about the way I look, much the way I’m particular about how I arrange the picture frames and vases on my vanity. I’m comfortable in my skin, and how I choose to present myself to the world — which is pretty much the same as how I present myself to myself when no one else is around.
I make personal style choices based on my own preferences, not anyone else’s. I am able to do this because I have a confidence that comes from maturity and a desire to live life on my own terms. Ultimately, it is this confidence that makes me more “desirable” at 50 than I was at twenty-five, when my self-concept was far less defined than my appearance.
We need to stop judging women for whatever external choice they make. Someone who foregoes Botox isn’t any better than someone who partakes, just as a Pilates enthusiast doesn’t trump someone without the time, money, or inclination, to visit a gym.
It is my hope that we deep-six either bias, both of which diminish women. And that we start having conversations that matter. This week, for instance, The Atlantic hosted The Shriver Report Live, a summit on women and poverty. While not as click-baity as articles on women’s bodies, that is the woman’s issue that should have taken hold of the Internet, not the bounty put on an actress’s photos.
So let’s start talking about real dilemmas facing women, and how to solve them.
Even though I applaud Loreal for using mature and larger women in their ad campaigns- they continue to photoshop all of their images. Diane Keaton is beautiful without all of the touch-ups, but she has agreed (maybe even insisted) in these images being used. Selling makeup is important to our economy (a billion dollar industry) but we continue to ignore the women holding signs saying ‘Need Help’ on the street corners as we make our way to the mall. Let’s start solving REAL problems.
Agreed, Cheryl!
This is interesting. I think this is a somewhat reigional issue. I live in New England and many of the women I know are bookish, proudly prematurely gray, hand-knit sweater wearing, highly educated feminist who would never consider Botox or implants. I’m originally from the South and was raised that wearing makeup and having a “good” hairstyle was non-negotiable. My mother visits me here and makes lots of comments about how my friends have “let themselves go.” My mother is 69 and is still a blond. She recently had surgery and her first concern was being seen without lipstick. Women judge each other so harshly. My mom judges my friends for not meeting her standard of grooming/beauty, and my friends judge women like my mother as being vapid.
I lived in NYC for many years and the Southern-Belle look was ridiculed by all black wearing, sleek, minimalist wth $250 haircuts.
Taste is highly influenced by place. Choosing to fit into our place and station in life is a choice that many make in order to feel more accepted. It is a surface thing. It does not define us. I accomodate my look to my environment at times.
I agree with you that getting wrapped up in such an unimportant issue is just shooting ourselves in the foot. Put the time and energy into equal pay and equal rights!
Modern Matriarch, I agree that this is a regional issue. I grew up with a Southern mother as well and was also told never to leave the house without lipstick. It really comes down to what a woman is comfortable with and no one should be judging.
I agree, the focus should be off what women choose to do – or not to do – regarding their appearances and on the larger issues we face.