Are you newly divorced and feeling like an outdated, less than fresh version of yourself?
Going through the angst of divorce and the whole grieving process can totally take its toll on your body, mind, and soul.
I’ve put together a list for all newly (or not-so-newly) single moms out there who never really have the chance to put themselves first and would really like to bring their sexy self back. Enjoy *wink*wink*
1. Get a full body wrap. Asap. Make an appointment at a spa and ask for the full body weight loss wrap. (if you are a size 0, please eat a cheeseburger…my treat) It’s embarrassing to get naked and have a lady wrap these wet, clay soaked bandages around your body, but I’ve had two kids and farted on a doctor…so I got over it. And, after they wrap your body, you lie on a table and they cover you with heating pads and warm blankets, you get to listen to rainfall music, and relax. It is heavenly! Another plus is that I actually lost inches off of my body…way cool!
2. Buy yourself a new outfit. After my husband left, I realized that during the course of my marriage, my choice in clothing had gone from hip and cool to frumpy humpty dumpty. I mean, I could totally rock the sweatpants, but I knew that I should only wear them at home from now on. So, I started buying a few new pieces of clothing here and a few there until my “housewife” clothes were extinct. And splurge if you can every now and then to get the essentials that every single woman needs…amazing jeans and cute shoes! I have splurged on 7 for all mankind jeans and they are the best.
3. Buy some sexy underwear pronto! Buy the sexiest bra and panty set that you can find. For me, I stick to Victoria’s Secret…probably because it’s the only place that sells a 32DDD for a reasonable price. (Too bad the wrap didn’t work on the boobs!) Any kind of new lingerie items will make you feel so much sexier than the granny panties you’ve been wearing for the past few years. If you’re feeling adventurous, buy a garter belt to match! Before you know it, you will be feeling French Chic!
4. Buy a sex toy. Or in my case, a whole box full. I’m going to be frank here…(mom & Jenn, please skip to #5). Every single woman needs a few sex toys. You for sure need one good dildo and one good vibrator. I have a few of each of those, along with anal beads, benwa balls, an anal plug, a g-spot vibrator, a bullet, and a cock ring. I don’t have a cock…but wishful thinking for one to come along (no pun intended). You can order sex toys online and they arrive in discreet, unmarked packages. I was terrified that the box would be stamped with “CAUTION: DILDO INSIDE” and start vibrating whenever the postman handed it to me, but I can assure you it did not.
5. Get a bikini wax or shave. Treat yourself to a bikini wax or a Brazilian wax and I can guarantee that it will make you feel extremely sexy. “I want to make love to Chewbacca” said no man ever. So get to waxing! If you prefer to shave, then get a really good bikini razor and don’t forget the after-shave lotion.
6. Get your nails done. I am in love with the gel manicures. Absolutely LOVE them! The gel lasts for 2-3 weeks without chipping or peeling off and for some reason, having my nails looking good makes me feel more girly, which makes me feel more sexy, which makes me do number 4 on this list… Dammit!
7. Exercise. Exercise does amazing things for your body AND your mind. I’m not a gym rat, but I’m really into walking. I get my iPod and earbuds and go walking for a few miles. Walking has not only reshaped my body, it has given me the confidence I was needing in my life. Exercise makes me feel better physically and emotionally.
8. Get your hair done. Getting your hair colored on a regular basis does wonders for the self-esteem. Try out a new color or a new cut, get a streak of hot pink, but don’t be scared to try new things! A great way to find a new look is to ask your best friend to look at pictures with you. If you have a friend like mine, she will be happy to say “no, that would look like shit” or “seriously? No… Just no.”
9. Flirt. That’s right, I said flirt. All it takes is a cute little smile or a smirk in the right direction to flirt with a man. Flirting is fun, free, and a fantastic way to make you feel sexy again.
10. Selfies & Social Media. Everyone wants to look great online and I am the all time worst at taking selfies. Seriously…I have a trophy. Every picture that I take of myself makes me look like I should be riding the short bus and licking windows. Here is what you can do if you would like a good picture of yourself: Go to your best friends house, put on lots of makeup (shows better in pictures), and wear something sexy but not slutty. Let your friend take pictures of you on YOUR phone, that way you can go through them and pick out the ones you want to use on your social media accounts. And don’t try to pose, just do things naturally until she gets a good shot or two. Do Not Vogue…I repeat, Do Not Vogue!
Get your sexy self back out there and have fun! We only have one shot at the little thing called life, so we better make the most of it!
Not yet divorced after my husband left me only 18 months ago, but at age 57 years old, I know I still look pretty damn good, if I say so myself. In fact, people are shocked when I tell them my age, because at 5’3″ tall, weigh 109 lbs and weat a size 4, many women tell me that they weren’t born this size. LOL
You are very funny with the sex toy description and the story that happened to me recently. If you are post menopause like me, vaginal dryness is a huge issue, especially with the toys, much less the real thing. After trying many lubricants, most which burned, I found a porduct called “Yes”, and ordered it via Amazon since it would come faster that where the product is made in the UK.
Besides ordering this lubricant on Amazon, I also ordered a laptop battery for my computer, a box arrived as planned on April 16th, at my door. But, I chose not to open the box, and sent Amazon a “lost in the mail” email, letting them know that my lubricant hadn’t been delieved, but the shippment said the “Yes” product had been delivered.
So. I then went to the Amazon box, opened it, and low and behold… both the laptop computer battery was there, and also the personal lubricant I ordered too. Can you imagine how surprised my computer tech guy would have been when he found this? He knows my husband is no longer around and sent Amazon a “blast-o-gram” telling them what they did, and they gave me a refund for both products.
Wonders never cease to amaze me while I am getting ready to go through my divorce, and hopefully, one day, I might even have real sex again, and not with myself either. LOL