Disappointments Abound, So Why I Am Still Surprised?

I have made the big step to be the one who decides we need a trial separation. And I tell Spousy-Boy, aka SB. After a lot of denial and tears he agrees. Not that he had that much say in the matter. I was leaving with or without his approval. But I honestly thought I couldn’t get more disappointed than the destruction of my marriage and the loss of our family (as it is now).

Let’s see… how many more ways can a gal be let down? Here you go:

• Our counselor immediately dismissed me when she discoverd I’m moving away. She doesn’t think the marriage can survive a separation, and she has yet to lose a marriage. Somehow this made me feel like the only reason she wants us to stay together is to keep her winning streak alive. Sorry to disappoint you madam, but we all gotta lose one at some point in the game.  

• The same counselor, who also treats my tween for autism-related anxiety, did not tell my daughter she wasn’t going to see her again. Instead she blissfully ignored the impeding separation and my daughter losing her father to talk about the American Girl Feelings Journal. I think I speak for my daughter and myself when I say “f#%$ your feelings” Madam Counselor. At this point SB may return to her on his own, but my tween and I spoke and we are both done with Miss MC Bee-yotch. Her gluten-free diet didn’t work either, so at this point neither tween nor mother have any desire to see her again.  

• The woman who is suppose to be my bestest friend in the whole wife world basically deserted me and my girls (who refer to her as a big sister) and no longer seems to care about our friendship. I think it’s because I canceled my Amazon Prime Membership without telling her so she can’t watch old repeats of “Seventh Heaven”. Well, technically I didn’t cancel it, I just left SB the task of making sure the renewal information was up to date. He and ex-BFF are the ones who use it anyways, and if they want it so badly they can pay for it. I got Netflix instead (multiple-days long road trip with two girls in a small car-it is worth every penny). But I’m not telling ex-BFF that, she can pay for her own damned crap. So can SB. Or they can share together. I no longer care.

Author’s Note: after writing a first-draft of this article late one night, the next day ex-BFF did call to find out how I was. Because I still hadn’t told her what happened to the Amazon Prime Membership. When I told her it was up to SB, she hung up on me. Five minutes later she called back just to confirm we were seriously, honest-to-goodness getting rid of the Amazon. She wanted to know whether she should keep the app on her phone. When I told her I still didn’t know, she hung up on me. Again.

• Another supposed friend has also flown the coop. I’m learning who really cares about me, and it seems to be the ones who don’t think my marriage problems a horrible inconvenience to their own lives. I’m sorry you are have such a rough time at work and your house is losing value. Tell you what, next time I plan to break up my family I’ll make sure to check the Dow first, okay? Really people, I’m sorry if it makes your life more difficult but guess how much harder my life is?

• Finding out I have a potentially serious medical issue, but cannot go to follow up care because I’m moving a thousand-jillion miles away. But hey, at least I know my body ain’t perfect and it’s not all in my head! Of course I also know that technically I’m too young to have these kind of problems, but that hasn’t stopped me yet. Now comes the big question – will SB, who is supposedly madly devoted to me, remember I had all these tests and labs and then had the follow-up to find out what’s going on? Cause so far he hasn’t said a single word. I’m not holding my breath. 

• And finally-the biggest disappointment is one that shouldn’t disappoint me at all, but does. After he promised to put his family before work, guess who literally dropped everything and went to work early and won’t be home for 32 hours? Yep. My dear husband. Guess who is disappointed? My children, who actually love their father. Guess who wasn’t surprised? Me. And my children. Instead we just did our own thing and realized it’s been just the three of us for a while now so it’s nothing new. Just sad. A little bit. But mainly just disappointing.

We are used to it. It doesn’t make it any easier though. At this point I’m counting the days until we make our big move, concentrating on what can fit in our car (not a lot) and how many days I have left before I can file for separation (169 and counting).