It’s tough when your ex moves out. But tougher still, is when he only moves across town when you were hoping he’d relocate to another state or at the very least, another county. What this ultimately means is that you have a 50% chance of running in to him at any given moment. And the odds only increase the closer you inch towards his zip code.
My ex’s new neighborhood happens to boast several of my favorite haunts such as a wine bar/art gallery I adore as well as a coffee shop and the best little one-of-a-kind clothing boutique in the city. Unfortunately that means I’ve had to wean myself off that part of town entirely, even though it pains me to do so. The thought of an awkward chance encounter with him, let alone the real deal, sends me into a fit of apoplectic shock and avoiding the area altogether seems like a worthy trade-off in the scheme of things. But I do dearly miss shopping at that little boutique.
Another problem with his not having the sense God gave him to move a respectable distance away, is that I continue to run in to people we both know who feel compelled to share the latest news about his progress or lack there-of. Honestly, I could care less if he’s dating or looking for a new job, although when I hear negative reports, which I often do, I find that I am embarrassed to admit I was ever married to him. “Why can’t he go be an idiot in some other town?” I ask the bearer of these unhappy tidings. But alas this is just one more question I have to file in the “I don’t understand him” column, which has gotten larger and heftier over time; a fact I didn’t even think was possible.
Really, divorce and its aftermath is all about trade-offs. I got to keep our rambling old Victorian because I was the only one who could afford to do so and he moved into a cramped duplex. This almost made me feel sorry for him but then I thought better of it because he was the one who wanted to trade our happiness for the freedom he thought he wanted. He couldn’t find the life he needed in the vicinity of my heart which made me sad for a really long time. I’m over it now and I hope he eventually settles in a place where he can find what he’s looking for. But oh, how I pray that that place is in a land far, far away from here so that I can go shopping again, sometime soon.
This story was like me telling it with you. My marriage ended in October 2013 and was final last month. My ex had an affair with a 12 year younger coworker who is also married. We moved to the south in 2009 because of his job. Why he would risk his job and destroy families is beyond me. Shortley after I discovered his affair he was telling me off and on how he was going to move back to Ohio. I had been promoted shortly after we split so my job was keeping me here at the time. I at times wanted to move back to Ohio too, to escape him and this crap. Thank God since 2009 he didn’t make any friends and the ones we had together were his coworkers, not the one he cheated with he had only hired her two months before they slept together and I never met her.
After it all hit the fan, I saw her FB page as he had showed it to me before I found out about them. I knew what she looked like and what her husband looked like (Who I informed about the affair via FB). I ran into her in a restaurant with all her friends My daughter saw her cower by the table. Then I saw her husband at a Christmas tree lighting. I have no reason to cower or hide from them, I did nothing wrong. I am not perfect but I didn’t cause this.
Here is my WTH moment, her mother works for the same company I do so I see her a lot as she works a floor below. I talk to her a lot and I have never told her how I know her and I never will. That is not my story to tell. I respect her mom as she is a sweet lady.
A part of me wanted to move too. A part of me still does. I left Ohio for a reason and I have to keep that in mind. My husbands promise to move stuck about as well as his wedding vows and he is still here. I have seen him at various businesses and one time he followed to me one of them to talk to me. Nothing he had to say made any sense as to why he needed to stop me. He told me I looked good. (barf with his compliments) I have nothing to say to him. I think I have ran into him more in the past year then I did when we first split. I told him in January I can’t talk to him and I don’t want to be friends. Sure I miss him, but he is toxic to me and above all he is a liar.
I thank my lucky stars we have no children together.
Today I got up to make breakfast and was smiling until I heard a commercial for the company he is a GM for. There was the grand opening of the houses he built and there she was standing right next to him. My heart sank. She goes home to her husband every night and honestly I could not tell you what he does or who he is with.
I like you wish he would move away but he won’t. He hates change. He won’t leave that job even though he has threatened to many times. He makes too much money and leaving would be a huge change. He would rather be stressed out and bitch about it daily then make a change in his life, He did make a huge change in getting me out of his life so maybe there is hope.
I eventually plan to move out of this state but why should I? I live here, I have a job I love and friends everywhere. I refuse to allow him to control anything related to my life anymore and my decisions about them are the biggest ones. He is miserable and negative. I was always the positive one and trying to make things be better. I don’t have to hold him up anymore and that’s the best thing about my life. He lives in a small apartment with his 2 cats and a fish tank. He works 7 days a week and hates people. He still has no friends. I have a nice home with a large yard and my boxer. I go out and I travel a lot. I am content and happy.