Tragedy plus time equals comedy. It’s as much a law of nature as the law of gravity or E=mc2. The farther you travel from a hurricane, the less you feel its power. But once you are free of it’s ire, you can look back and laugh, pondering the near-death experience you had while in its eye, and it’s a healing moment when you do. Comedy is the nectar of life; the elixir and the fixer; it’s a great equalizer. If you can laugh at your troubles, they will weigh upon you less and less. I like to think of it as aerobics for the soul.
I had to be able to see to the absurdity of my marriage before I could even admit how much pain it was causing me. And the more I looked, the funnier it got; ultimately, that was what saved me and I made it through my divorce one laugh at a time. Forget about one day at a time; just keep the jokes rolling, I told myself, and you’ll get through it.
Before long, I had enough material to take my act on the road. Literally. I packed up what was left of my sanity and my self-respect and off I went, traveling as far away from my husband as I could get, without losing myself in the process. And once he was out of my life, I continued to try to see the humor in every situation; even the ones that really pissed me off. I had to – the alternative was way too bleak for me to contemplate.
Everything is funny eventually but most of the time it takes longer than you think it will for those old wounds to heal. But trust me, they do. And in the meantime, ask yourself: what is funny about this? And when you find the thing that is, be sure to share it, because it’s a hell of a lot more fun when you have a crowd laughing along with you. I once heard about a man who cured himself of depression by locking himself in a room for a week with funny movies and laughing himself back to mental health. And I’ve always held that picture in my mind as something to strive for. Go for the laughs, go for the gusto and perhaps you won’t feel like going for the jugular anymore; at least not your own.
My marriage to my husband of 33 years is anything but a comedy, and plays more like a tragedy the more I analyze it, every day. In fact, I am writing a book about my marriage and my tragic life, with my husband starring in the first two chapters of the book.
The first chapteer, called “Utteerly Crushed” is about my husband walking out of our marriage and me last Sepember 1th, 2013, without a clue to me that he was unhappy and nothing was ever said. He left me sleeping on the living room sofa, with no affection, nor sex during the entire time. The book that I read called “Runaway Husbands” by Dr. Vicki Stark, whose own husband left her for another woman, and married for 21 years, interivew over 400 women who this also happened to. My husband could never talk about his feelings or show his emotions, and that truly explains the horrific relationship I endured. Yes I had a roof over my head, food on the table, and we had 2 sons, and every dog or cat I ever wanted, but… I was more like a “roommate with Benefits” that married to someone I thought loved me.
Now, only a little over a year since he left me, I have a hard time finding much funny, but maybe I will one day. Three months after he left, i went out to the carport, and found a box with photos that never made it into albums, and cut up or ripped up every single picture with “him” in it. No more memories of that man, ever again. my wedding album also too a hike into the round can to be taken out for the trash the next day.
i am hoping my book will get published, because not only did my husband walk out, but only 4 months later, I gpt a call from my brother, Dave in NY and he told me to sit down, because he had something astounding to tell me. That is when he said, while he was cleaning out our dad’s apartment that he found my adoption documents! What? Never eas told about it, and he never knew either, but all my relative knew my mother was from France, and I even had another name other than Deborah.
In 5 years, hopefully, I can laugh and bust up at everything that has happened to me, But until then, I am treading lightly, until the next “house falls on me”, like the wicked witch of the west.
LOL