My parenting weekends seem to be very full lately. This weekend is no exception. We have my niece’s birthday, court ordered “church” time (Super Christian narcissist daddy puts on his production of taking Grant and Kristy to church) and Grant went on his first date.
Side note–I’m not old enough for my oldest child to be dating or have his first girlfriend yet. He is 15 and a freshman in high school but I am not ready…just throwing that out there. I have already warned one of my best friends I may have her on speed dial to get me started on all this because she has a 17 year old son and two others Grant and Kristy’s ages. Long ago she gave me the “WHENEVER YOU NEED ME” speech so we are all good.
Kristy and I decided to hit the mall and get some ideas for her upcoming birthday while Grant was at his matinee of Super Hero 6.
We stopped for drive thru between the mall and movie theater because ‘lil miss had trouble with time management before we left and neither of us ended up with any lunch. We decided to skip drinks and get something we could walk around sipping once we got to the mall.
As soon as we walked in we were hit with Christmas decorations….blah. Christmas has become my most hated holiday because I have to ask for help every year from my parents and Dane just to feel like I can give Grant and Kristy any kind of Christmas. Even with 4 jobs I am barely scraping by so it’s going to be another rough year. Wonderful to be reminded of what is to come, the weekend after Halloween.
We grabbed our fountain drinks at the food court and started shopping. Kristy tried on some super cute combat boots at a few stores and we talked and laughed a lot and had a most fabulous time.
While we were walking around it dawned on me…I can’t remember when or if Kristy and I have done this since “before.” She is almost 13 and I can’t remember a time we have gone shopping like this since before I left Ted when she was 6. I am allowed so little time (10 overnights /month) with Grant and Kristy now that I hate to dump one kid to do special things with the other, and we always try to do neutral activities both will enjoy. Grant is always drug shopping kicking and screaming the whole way and wants to leave after we have been there maybe 5 minutes, so ‘girly window shopping’ never makes our list.
Kristy and I quickly decided 2 hours was nowhere near enough time to hit all the stores we wanted to shop, but were thankful for the time we had.
Later that night she jumped in her fuzzy pajamas and climbed into bed for some cuddle time with me and the dogs. We talked about our day and then she said, “Thank you for spoiling me today, mom.”
My heart crumbled. Then the old anger, sadness and guilt started to creep up again. I was angry our time and money are still so controlled by Ted that I can’t have window shopping days with my daughter.
I replied this is what normal people do.
And in typical Kristy fashion she replied, “I don’t need to be normal, mom” and made a face causing her eyes to twitch as if she were on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This is a face we make to each other quite often when any subject of being like everyone else comes up.
We both giggled and said I love you and somehow she fell asleep…again. That girl, I swear, can fall asleep in 10 seconds and go straight to stage 3 nearly comatose sleep instantly, just so she can sleep with her pups.
All I know is time is going fast, and I have got to figure out how we can have more girly time together. Who knows, now that Grant has a girlfriend, maybe more dates will be coming into “our” weekends and we can take advantage of our alone time.
Just one more year until the court will hear her….
I just stumbled across your blog this evening via a link in One Mom’s Battle. I just spent the last hour snuggling my kids and quietly reading your every post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I, too am a non-custodial mother. I am remarried with other children who do spend full time with me, and my heart aches for all of my kids to be in my arms. I live in a predominantly LDS community and “super Mormon” ex-n also makes a big Sunday production as Mr Perfect. I am exhausted, exhausted from the 7 years of fighting, the money it is costing, the constant returns to court to try and raise my child support amount I pay, the contempt charges, the mediation, the custody battles, the 5th trial in 7 years coming up, the lawyers fees that are causing me to drown, drown my husband, drown my two small children in my new marriage. At what point do I give in? Say, “you win. I can’t do this.” I don’t know. But I haven’t quit yet. So thank you. To all the strong moms out there willing to share their struggles and hopes and conquests. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment!! It is so hard. From always feeling like we aren’t good enough to the exhaustion from the daily fight. I understand completely. Please email me if you ever need to talk. I have these feelings often as well. My email is [email protected].