I Almost Went Back To My Ex

My life was quiet and uneventful until my divorce. It seems that life changing moment triggered a series of crises that would change my life in ways I could not imagine. I couldn’t see the quiet before the storm until it started. If I could have, I would have taken off running and never looked back. It’s a good thing because I hate the idea of any kind of exercise.

In the early spring of last year, I had a fire in my home. The worst thing I think that could possibly happen to a home. You can’t just put a bandaid on it and hope it gets better. There was major damage to the kitchen and thankfully no one was injured. I had to deal with an unsympathetic insurance adjustor and a contractor who was a perfectionist. I was about to lose my cool. The contractor literally tore my house apart before all the repairs were complete. The exact week all the repair work was complete, my dad died. It was unexpected even though he had been ill for some time. I think I expected him to live longer. Two weeks after my dad’s funeral, my 16 year old son had to have major surgery. Even though his surgery had been scheduled weeks in advance, it was one thing right after another. I kept thinking to myself, who had I angered in heaven? All the bricks were falling on me at one time and I was about to crumble.

I didn’t expect my ex-husband to be around for our son’s surgery. I had been trying for weeks to talk to him about the surgery and he had just put it off. So, I was surprised to see him show up at my house the morning of the surgery. He was at the hospital for check in and stayed until after the staff was done prepping our son. He remained in the waiting area with me. We talked nervous parent talk. This was the man I had married almost 17 years ago.

I couldn’t see it then, but I was in trouble.

The first night of our son’s surgery he was put in intensive care. They only let two visitors at a time and only one person could spend the night. My ex was very hesitant to leave. I could see the look of concern on his face and he stayed with us late into the night. The nursing staff gave me a chair to sleep on that could let out to a bed. I offered for him to lie down with me. We were both exhausted. I didn’t think very much about it. He had been kind and considerate to me. He had even been loving.

I WAS IN TROUBLE!

Moments after we laid down, I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I had felt it hundreds of times. I could feel his heart beating. I could feel other things rising also, but I will save that for another time. The sound of his voice was very calming to me. I sniffed him just to get his scent. I could feel myself sinking fast. After that night, I began to notice the small things.

I WAS IN TROUBLE!

Our son stayed in the hospital for 4 nights. My ex was there every night and most of the day. He made sure I was comfortable every night. He would call and check on us both before he went to sleep. He took care of the other kids. I was walking around in a fog. I looked forward to seeing him. Even our families noticed the way we were acting. Who was this man? Where was the man I am no longer married to?

I WAS IN TROUBLE!

I was prepared to take care of our son alone after he was discharged from the hospital. The day of his discharge my ex was there to help us. I wouldn’t admit it, but I needed the help. The kids were so excited to see their dad everyday. I could see who my ex was. This was the man who made me pecan waffles for breakfast. This was the man who took care of me when I was sick. This was the man who had my bath water waiting when I got off work. This was the perfect love who swept me off my feet. This was insanity! He had a girlfriend/fiancé. Did he tell her what was happening?

I WAS IN TROUBLE!

A few weeks after my son’s surgery he began to get up on his own and move around more. I took a few steps back from my ex. We could have been intimate with each other. It would have been easy. However, sex only puts off what the real issues are in a relationship. We would have still been divorced afterwards. I know that my ex felt a pull to the past just as I had. This was an end to the chapter of our life. Did he cheat? I don’t know the real answer to that. I am just happy that my son is well and that after all the hugging, touching, and longing looks that I wasn’t in trouble anymore.

Have you moved on after divorce?

photo credit: Ryan Smith Photography via photopin cc