Wedding Planning: I don't recommend it

Wedding planning is hell on earth if you are over 35 years old.

Pinterest was fun at first but this is what I learned:

everybody is younger than me.
everybody is thinner than me.
everybody is richer than me.

In addition, I have a failed marriage under my belt and people are clueless and stupid. I am suspicious pf their pins. And roll my eyes a lot.

This sort of thing is particularly eye roll worthy

Also, I don’t want your damn advice.

Umm no. Nobody is that perfect, no offense.

Apparently you have to propose to your bridesmaids now, with gifts.

(not to be confused with bridesmaid gifts for the actual wedding)

Gross. Being a Mrs. ain’t so great.

Burlap is everywhere. WTF? Burlap? Grain sacks?

Cake is now served on logs.

(srsly, logs.)

I say at least 10 times a day, “I just want to elope.”

Al and I are trying to plan this shindig via text mostly. His family, OMG. They want a wedding. They want a party and they want everyone invited. They see no reason for this to be small.

Could happen.

Initially the wedding was planned for June 13, at our venue with about 70 in attendance, at least half of those from out of town. Then I freaked out and got him to agree to holding the ceremony a few days earlier so that it can be more private and then on the 13th I can host the party without having to worry about the ceremony or any kid issues. In Feb I sent out Save The Date cards to out of town guests for the reception on June 13, 2015.

This is the invite I ended up choosing.

I sent the proof to my mom and his mom just to share it with them. His mom was delighted and responded back immediately, asking if we are having a rehearsal because they want to host it and then gave me a list of who should be there for it including his 3 cousins and their families. I have already agreed for several of his relatives to be there that will be in town early because they are coming from overseas.

OMG. We have been over this before with her. No rehearsal because there is nothing to rehearse. No bridal party. Small intimate family ceremony only. Parents, our kids, our siblings and their families. I have aunts and a cousin that talk to everyday that I am not inviting to the wedding ceremony just because I need it to be intimate.

Again, I just sent out save the dates for the 13th.

Well, I had a total hissy fit.

Poor Al. He agreed to talk to him mom again. He reminded me over and over that they are just happy for us and excited. He reminded me that it isn’t any sort of attempt to take over, just excitement. He told me that when his mother welcomed me to the family she meant

The Family with a capital F.