Five Things You'll See On (Almost) Every Guy's Tinder Profile

Swipe Left. Nope. Maybe you have a mutual friend in your yoga class or you both like Ted Talks. Swipe Right or click to find out more.

Tinder has brought a Candy Crush Saga aspect to dating — or hooking up. For Tinder virgins or those who’ve been swiping for a while, what are the five most likely things you’ll find on a guy’s Tinder profile? What are your deal breakers — and what flips your lid in a good way?

1. Monumental Photos: The Eiffel Tower. Leaning Tower of Pisa. Great Wall of China. Wait! Is that the Vegas Strip? Depending on the age range, travel photos are rather common. Perhaps the guy is trying to impress us with his sophistication. Or that he might have enough frequent flier points to take you along next trip? Extra points if he appears photo-shopped in or we just see half of his face.

2. Group Shots: Pick your favorite from the three to five guys. Chances are he’ll be the 4’11” balding one in the middle and you’ll show up in your highest heels. Maybe he’s planning on bringing the bowling team on your first Starbuck’s date.

Buddy Shots: The one where he has his arm around some guy, perhaps his best friend from high school or just some random guy at a bar. At least you know he has a BFF!
Body Shots: Posing with a beer, shot glass, bottle of Tequila or Makers Mark. Maybe a glass of Cabernet or a wine flight if he wants us to know he’s been in Napa.
Plus One: You know, the one with an attractive woman on his arm. Could be his wife? Ex? Friend? Friend with benefits? Last Tinder date? Maybe he’s trying to make us jealous? The oddest one I’ve seen was a 40-something guy in a suit, poolside, surrounded by six playmates.
The Dad: I get the appeal of kids for those of us who are single moms but displaying the kids on an R or unrated dating site to score dates? Not so much.

3. Celeb Profile: Hold on! I thought Cary Grant was dead! Who knew Sean Connery, Elvis, and Will Ferrell were on Tinder. Will Ferrell in his Elf costume? Shouldn’t there be a celebrity version like there’s a Celebrity Jeopardy? Hey, don’t steal my idea!

4. Blank Profile: On dating sites like OkCupid, we women can maybe consider a guy with a silhouetted shadow where his face would be. The dating equivalent of a scrambled witness on Dateline. If… and it’s a big ‘If” the guy has a compelling enough profile and can exchange witty banter. Heck, I even flew photo-less to meet a guy who turned out to be an attractive accomplished author. But, Tinder is all about the image… and showing up without a photo is kind of like showing up without pants.

Showing Up Without Clothes: Now that we’ve headed down that path, let’s talk about the shirtless and headless reflection in the mirror. Chiseled body, a six pack. PG-version of sexting. This guy is definitely in the market for a booty call and not dinner and a movie.
Inanimate Object — or Logo: Attraction by association? I’ve even seen a guy two decades out of the frat house who featured a shot of an open fridge filled with beer. Closely related is the logo of his favorite sports team. Sox, anyone?

5. Work Shot: Typically a pilot in the cockpit or guy posing in front of a firetruck, in a cop uniform, with a stethoscope or at some sort of premiere.

Will you likely meet a significant other or someone you can introduce to your on Tinder? You never know… but guarantee a few laughs as you swipe through the photos.

Unless you get sidetracked by the “There’s no one new around you.” message! Tell us something we didn’t already know!

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photo credit: “i saw you on tinder” Trastevere 2014 via photopin (license)