Last Day Of School! And The Worrying Begins

Summer break has officially begun in the “Running” household.

Today was the last day of school.

In September Denver will be in 4th grade. (Don’t mind me weeping over here.)

In September Bubba is off to middle school. Denver is excited about 4th grade. He thinks it will be sooooo fun and all his friends will be in his class and his girlfriends and 4th grade gets to take lots of field trips… It’s going to be awesome! I guess he doesn’t care that it will also be a lot of hard work, too. Third grade was tough. He struggled with Math. He struggled with reading. He continues to receive speech, and gets extra help with tests because his speech provision provides for the extra help. None of this bothers him. He takes it all in stride. For now. I fear the day will come when he is embarrassed by needing speech and the extra help. But we aren’t there yet. For now he s comfortable with the hand he was dealt.

Bubba struggled this year, too. In every subject. Most of it was his own fault. He never studied, didn’t hand in assignments, he often informed me of tests or projects that were due the next day. He does not do well in Math. End of story. I hated Math, too, so I get it. But Science and Social Studies? Those were his two favorite subjects and he almost had to attend summer school because of both those grades. Thankfully studying and hard work paid off and he passed both final exams. He is worried about middle school. He hates to admit it, but I can tell he is. A new school, different kids, and he will have to take the bus.

His anxiety is terrible. He doesn’t handle change well. He also doesn’t handle a change in schedules well, and now without the day to day routine of school he is floundering.

He can’t get comfortable. He is crying more often, saying the divorce is too much for him. He blames the divorce for his anxiety. While I do think the divorce has made him more anxious, he was being treated long before the divorce. I try not to take it personally when he blames the divorce, but he does blame me. He says everything is all my fault.

I want to many times to explain to him why I had to divorce his dad. I know he is too young to understand. For now all I can do is re assure him everything will be okay.

Yes Bubba, summer will still be fun.

Yes Bubba, you will do okay in Middle School.

Yes Bubba, your friends really do like you.

Yes Bubba, there is still plenty of summer break left.

Yes Bubba, you are okay. Mom is okay, Denver is okay, Dad is okay. Everyone is okay!!

This is about the time that I lose it. He never stops with the worrying. And so as much as I love the summer break, its torture for him and me.

I just hope that he can relax. Find some way to calm himself. Stop worrying about everyone and everything. Just enjoy summer.