Divorce Changes Everything: A Dog’s Tale

**We are blended at the nest now all the way down to the dogs.  As a tribute to the resilience of my dog, Maggie, I am allowing her a forum to vent her troubles today. **

My name is Maggie and I am 8 years old.  I am a Shorkie, a Shi-tzu Yorkie mix.

I look like this.

My life was all good until I was 3 years-old.  I lived with a  Man, who Smells Like Hops, a Soft Person Called Mommy who smelled good and fed me, and 3 smaller people who liked to play.   I was treated like a queen.

Which was appropriate.

Then, the Man that Smells like Hops and the Soft Person Called Mommy got bitchy.  Sometimes they would yell.  I didn’t know why they were yelling because I hadn’t eaten a shoe or broken their glasses or shredded their paper that day.

Sometimes I would hide under the bed, just keepin it down low.

One day, I realized that they were never home at the same time anymore.  It was good and bad.  Good, because when the Man that Smells like Hops was there, it was chill.  He would sit beside me for hours and never get up.  He let me sleep on his bed and there was always food to nibble on the floor or left on end tables.  That part was GREAT.  Then, the Soft Person Called Mommy would come in.   I loved her too because she always made sure my bowl had water in it and bought me bones and treats.  But, she was exhausting because it was my job to follow her around the house and keep her company and she hardly ever sat down.   It was hard to always know the rules when the person in charge kept changing.  I didn’t know if I was supposed to sleep in the man’s bed or in my crate.  Sometimes I would bark just to show them that I was confused.  Boy did that make us all tired!  That woman would fuss because I was free to sleep and she had to go to work.

I didn’t let it bother me a bit.

 

Then one day, the Man that Smells Like Hops quit coming to see me.  I hear he got another dog.  I have been replaced.  It is terrible.    The Soft Person Called Mommy said, “Bless your heart, you’ve been hosed” almost as much as she said, “No, Maggie! Bad girl!”

The nerve of him.

It wasn’t too long before another man came.  I call him New Daddy.   He is awesome.  We play and play and play.  He gets on the floor with me and lets me sleep in the bed and play ball.

 He is home all day and we play so much that I never bark at night.  I’m too busy snoozin.

 

Yep it was all shaping up pretty nicely for me.

Until last weekend, when New Daddy came into the house holding 2 DOGS that are supposedly something called my ‘Stepsisters.’

What. The. Hell.

 

The  Soft Person Called Mommy said that their other Mommy was a bitch and was going to take them to the shelter even though they had lived with them for 10 years. New Daddy’s children were too sad and so my ‘stepsisters’  had to take an airplane and move in with us.

I have been HOSED again.

How much am I supposed to take?

The Person Called Mommy says that it will be fun for me to have friends.  Whatever, I’m not buying it.  One of them barks and growls at me.  She is a bitch.   Plus she tries to get my food.  They are also using my yard which I do not appreciate one bit.  Every day I get up and hope they are gone.

But nope.  There they are.

Divorce sucks.