Your bills are piling up, your kids need new shoes, new clothes, and money for their activities, but your child support check is nowhere to be found. If this scenario describes you, you are not alone. The total amount of unpaid child support in the United States in 2011, the last year for which data was readily available, was $14.3 billion dollars.
Of course, if you are one of the unlucky people whose ex isn’t paying child support, or is only paying a fraction of the amount that is due, it’s small comfort that hundreds of thousands of other custodial parents are in the same boat. You need money – not sympathy!
Unfortunately, no one has a magic wand they can wave over your ex and make your past due child support magically appear, but there are some steps you can and should take if your child support checks stop coming in.
5 Steps To Take When Your Ex Doesn’t Pay Child Support
1. Talk to your ex.
Yes, I know how hard this is. For some of you – those whose ex is awol, or violent, or who refuses to talk to you at all – talking to your ex may be impossible. If that’s you, go ahead and skip to step 2.
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But, if you can talk to your ex at all, it makes sense for you to find out the reason why he isn’t paying support, especially if he had been paying support in the past, but then suddenly stopped.
Maybe your ex got laid off or lost his job. Maybe he got sick. Maybe he crashed his car and has hospital bills to pay. Or maybe he is just being difficult. Whatever the reason that he stopped paying child support is, it would be for the best if you could find out why.
Why should you care what his reason is? Because it matters. If your ex is not paying because he can’t pay you then you need to immediately skip to step 2 and start working on a way to close your financial gap until he gets back on his feet. No matter what you do to get money from him when he is down and out, you can’t get blood from a turnip.
If your ex is honestly unable to pay you, by talking to him you may be able to make a deal that he will, at least, pay you a little something until he gets back on his feet. After that, he can make up the difference in what he owes you.
If you find that your ex is not paying you simply because he doesn’t want to pay you, or because he doesn’t think he needs to pay you, or because he thinks you will just “let it go,” then it is time to consider stronger measures.
2. Get a “Plan B” for covering your financial gap as soon as possible.
No matter why your ex is not paying you, you need to get a “Plan B” in place for covering your financial situation as soon as possible. That means that you are either going to have to find a different way to bring in more money, or you are going to have to cut your expenses. If you are lucky enough to have a wealthy family member who is willing to step in and cover your financial gap for awhile, that can work, too.
The unfortunate truth about collecting past due child support is that generally speaking, it takes time – often a lot of time. Whether you are chasing your ex down in court or riding out his wave of unemployment, you are still going to have to find a way to pay your own bills in the meantime.
3. Talk to a lawyer about your options.
Regardless of whether you decide to take your ex back to court or not, you still need to know what your options are. You need to know, from a lawyer, what your legal rights and responsibilities are. You need to know how much your lawyer estimates that going to court will cost you, and how long it will take to collect what is owed to you.
Once you have the legal information you need to make a decision about your next step, you need to analyze that information from a business perspective. It may suck that your ex has not paid what he owes. But if your he owes you $1,000, and the lawyer is going to charge you $2,000 to collect it, hiring a lawyer doesn’t make much sense.
If your ex is unemployed or working for cash under the table, and judgment proof, you need to seriously think about the time, energy and money you will spend chasing down the support he owes you, versus the amount of money you are realistically likely to collect.
If your ex has a job or has assets he can use to pay child support, then you have to decide whether you are up for taking him back to court. While dragging your ex into court for past due child support may be as appealing to you as getting a root canal without anesthetic, ultimately, if your ex will not voluntarily pay you, going to court to enforce your child support order is pretty much your only viable alternative.
4. Contact your local government child support agency.
There are government agencies in every state that are charged with collecting child support for you. If you don’t have the money to consult with an independent lawyer about child support, you might want to investigate having a government agency pursue your case.
Government agencies will typically enforce child support orders free of charge. They also may have child support enforcement tools available to them that local attorneys may not be able to access.
The problem with using a government agency to pursue your child support case is that they are beyond busy. So, if you choose to use a government agency to collect child support, you really need to find a way to survive without receiving support for a long, long time.
5. Use a private child support collection agency.
Given the amount of unpaid child support in this country, a number of private collection agencies will now go after your ex to get your back child support for you.
Private collection companies promise to be much more efficient and faster than government agencies. If your ex is hiding, they have private investigators who will work to find him. They will also help you calculate the proper amount of money you are owed, including any applicable interest on the past due payments.
Private collection companies typically work on a contingency fee basis. They keep a percentage of the child support they collect for you (typically about 1/3 of the amount collected) as their fee. If they collect nothing, you pay them nothing.
BONUS TIP: The 5 steps listed above are what you CAN do to try to collect past due child support. The one thing you CAN’T do is prevent your kids from seeing your ex if he owes you money. Child support and visitation are not interchangeable.
FAQs about Child Support:
How much is the amount of total unpaid child support in the US?
The total amount of unpaid child support across the US was $14.3 billion dollars, according to the available data in 2011.
Is unpaid child support a commonplace in the US?
It’s common for people to withhold child support in the US—either completely or partially—leaving hundreds of thousands of custodial parents in dire financial straits.
What to do if my ex is unable to pay child support
If your ex is unable to pay child support because of legitimate reasons, you should get down to work immediately to make up for the lost funds. It will be a good idea to talk to your ex about why he isn’t able to pay the child support. You can make an arrangement for getting whatever he can pay until he is back on his feet again and let him know that he would need to pay up for the difference later.
How do I recover due child support?
Even if you were to take your ex to court to recover child support dues, it’s going to take a lot of time. Meanwhile, you should work on making up for the lost funds to pay your own bills.
How do I manage my finances if child support is delayed?
You should look for a job to manage your finances if child support is delayed for one or the other reason. If that is not the option, you can ask a wealthy family member for financial help until you start getting child support. Remember there is no shame in seeking help!
How can a lawyer help with getting child support?
Regardless of whether you decide to take your ex back to court or not, you still need to know what your options are. You need to know, from a lawyer, what your legal rights and responsibilities are. You need to know how much your lawyer estimates that going to court will cost you, and how long it will take to collect what is owed to you.
A lawyer can tell you about your options if your ex has stopped paying child support. A lawyer will be able to tell you not only about your options, but your responsibilities and legal rights as well. Your lawyer should also be able to tell you how long it would take to recover the child support funds and what you need to pay to make it happen.
Should I hire an expensive lawyer for collecting child support?
You need to do a bit of cost analyses before you hire a lawyer to take your ex to court for recovering child support. Would you be able to pay your lawyer double the amount of due child support? If not, hiring an expensive lawyer is certainly not an option.
How to collect child support if I can’t hire a lawyer?
You can consult the government agency, which is charged with collecting child support for you in case you can’t hire a lawyer to do it. Do a bit of research about the agency tasked with helping you out on getting child support in your state.
Do private collection companies charge for getting child support?
Private companies that collect child support on your behalf do charge you for their services. They usually take one-third of the amount collected as their fee. You would not have to pay them anything, if they don’t recover anything.
Can my ex lose visitation rights for delaying child support?
The one thing you CAN’T do is prevent your kids from seeing your ex if he owes you money. Child support and visitation are not interchangeable.
Any tips on how that conversation with the ex? When my ex and I divorced, we agred to share parenting time equally. Because I make significantly more than she does, it means that I pay her child support. Now that reality has set in, she can’t pull off 50/50. The kids are with me about 60% of the time. When I run the numbers through the states child support calculator, she should be paying me. We get along well and I don’t really want to upset the apple cart, but… For now, I’ve decided to keep it in reserve and if she decides to go back to court for any reason, I’ll address it then.
you post this all about men, i am a dad taking care of 3, dead beat mom is behind, the mom is not always the good guy by far
John Adams, the post is about men because this site is called Divorced MOMS. It only makes sense that deadbeat dad’s would be the focus of an article on a women’s website.
Actually statistically proven….you are one of the few in comparison. So good job, Dad. Unfortunately for every 1 Dad who is owed child support, there are 9 mothers owed child support. So to your statement….it is not very factual.
Kudos to you for being such a great dad! Picking up all the financial slack for a dead beat parent is tough no matter whether you are a mom or a dad.
I agree, it’s not always the dad who is the bad guy. But, at least at this point in history, more men have been ordered to pay child support than women. By default then, more men are behind in paying support, or not paying it at all. But, women can be just as bad at paying as men.
The point really isn’t whether men or women are worse at paying child support. What matters is that both parents contribute to the support of their children, financially, emotionally, and in every other way.
This is the most stupidest article I have ever read.
Sorry you feel that way.
My Daughter’s ex not only will not pay court ordered child support but when he has the Children 9, 7 & 4 he pays not attention to them.The last time he was to have the children they got scared because he was high or drunk or both. Since my Daughter delivers the Children to him she went inside to see what the kids were talking about and found him beating the walls with a hammer and appearing to talk to someone that was not there. My Daughter got scared and took the children and left. That has been two weeks ago and this Weekend is again his time with the Children. She has not heard a word from him since then and is apprehensive about the Children being alone with him and worried about their safety. What recourse does she have? I did tell her that she should not deliver the Children to him but to have a Safe meeting location like the Police dept. and to let them know that she will be doing that. Typically he does not make the children wear seat belts and more often than not he drinks and drives. Since he usually is verbally abusive to My Daughter every time he sees her and even in front of the Children I thought it my curb that behavior along with maybe a verbal counseling from the Police. I know she is frustrated and worries about the Children the entire time they would be with their Father. I am just trying to find a way that can remedy the horrible situation that My Grandchildren are subjected to every two weeks. The Neighbor also tells my Daughter that she has not seen him leave his house since last weekend and thinks that he may have quit his job. My Daughter has asked Social Services to pursue the non payment of Child Support and I think maybe that they had contacted him and that is what got him upset last w/e and He is the type of person that thinks if he does not work he is off the hook. I am sorry for the long narrative but I too have no idea how to help. Please help. THANK YOU.
Hi Suzanne, if you’re daughter feels that her children are in real danger with their father, i. e. him drinking and driving and speaking to people who aren’t there etc… then she has a right to protect her children and would not be in trouble for not taking them to him. She needs to consult an attorney asap and possibly get visitation modified. It sounds like he is not fit to be alone with the children. Best wishes.
What happens if your ex went mia; cant find him to start devorice; cant do child support nore proper custody case.
He wont even give property back to us. He took off and left. Now im a disabled spouse trying to provide.
You can still get a divorce even when you don’t know where your ex lives. To do it properly, though, you’re probably goign to need legal help. If you can hire an attorney to get you divorced that would be the best. If not, then at least consult with a local divorce attorney. S/he can tell you the steps you have to take to get divorced by default.
My Ex is court ordered to pay $630 per month and currently in arrears of over $56,000. He pays what he wants to child support when he wants and Child support says there is nothing thy can due because he is self employed. I have been amicable for the sake of our son but I get no help from him what so ever and our son is with me 95% of the time. If im lucky I get 1 full child support payment a year after his license is suspended and then like clock work he pays 1 payment and then its insulting pays I get each month like $0.76 cents, yes CENTs or $28 sometimes 100 but nothing consistent, He tells me he isnt going to pay me ever or wont pay for me to baby sit my son or what you think Im gonna pay Child support until hes 18?? I have been diligent in retaining these text messages as proof considering he lies to the courts about his income but no matter what info I provide they continue to condone this behavior. He lives in a mansion OWNS other properties but he covers up by using family to put in their names , just bought a new car, a pair of jet skis but cant pay child suppport? My son is my everything to me and I go above and beyond so he will not feel my struggles he doesnt need to worry or stress at such a young age… now 12.. I have lost all hope in the child support system I feel like I had so much Hope in the beginning,hope my son would have financial support of both parents and opportunities that I can provide solely, now 10 years later and enforcement of that support order seems a joke literally my ex laughs it off, he actually had the nerve to say he was a professional at this. Its not funny to me one bit.
Krista p, your entire post is my life. Can you contact me? I’m really struggling with what decision to make as to pursue his $690 court ordered child support, even though he has threatened to kill me if I do, or just continue to struggle and worry about trying to support our kids by myself while he’s at the club/bar every week, eating out everyday, buying his new girlfriend snakes and sex toys, even taking her and her 3 kids on trips, but won’t help me with ANYTHING for his own kids. I reached out to a lawyer for free consultation, but she really just wanted a case and a $4500 retainer..like seriously lady, I’m here telling you I struggle everyday with $ and am here about child support, where do you think I’m gonna get $ like that from?!?! I’ve already gone through divorce and mediation, which is where he agreed to the cs and yet I haven’t received anything, but now you say I’ll have to take him back to court, at my cost?? It’s messed up and he just continues to get away with everything with no consequences..the justice system truly sucks!
I have 3 kids I’m raising and my ex has stopped paying child support. The kids live with me and go to school here. He lives 1 1/2 hrs away and hardly sees them. I have our kids 95% if the time. We live off of my income and we are struggling bad. The child support system is a joke. It’s a waiting game unless you can afford a lawyer. There would be no way I could afford one. I work my butt off to make sure my kids are taken care of and there is no end to the struggle. Meanwhile my ex builds a new home, travels, own multiple vehicles, owns a boat and an RV. But he won’t pay his court ordered child support. I’m so pissed at the system for letting him get away with it and him not having to suffer the consiquences for it. I’m sick of the games and waiting.
My son will be 5 in January I took my POS ex- (sperm donor) to court he was in arrears when I put him on already over 9,000$ I judt went back last month of November. The court put a “strict probation” for him to only pay $156.00 per week. I live in NJ. I raise my son on my own!!! I do not have money for a lawyer. He paid TWICE!!!! NOW HAS completely stopped, didnt even show up too court on the day I went.. I test him try to talk to him, NOTHING!!!! He lives with his mother who protects his sorry ass. My son stays over with him from Saturday until Sunday evening. That’s it. No phone calls during the week nothing!!!!! He has no car I check his social media, he has his own clothing line, roofing side jobs all getting paid under the table!!!! 6 months I’ve recieved nothing!!!! His mother dosent want to hear it when I tell her HER SON should be responsible for his CHILD!!!! I work as a lunch aide busting my ass every day for a nothing $200.00 check!!!! I’m so sick of the court failing me!!!!
This is my story as well. My ex owes over $40,000. He is remarried and has three step kids and one more kid with his third wife. And yet, he doesn’t pay a penny to our three. I am a teacher and I work all the time. My kids are on state insurance. I have a court order but that doesn’t matter when he switches jobs or just plain doesn’t work. His new gig is “stay at home dad”. It really makes me mad.
Well, at least I’m not alone. My ex owes me about $13,000 in back child support and the system keeps failing me. I have to miss work and pay for parking downtown to go to hearings every couple of months when they do NOTHING to him. He lies to the courts, changes jobs every few months and they just shrug their shoulders. I even hired a lawyer with a good reputation and it made no difference in the outcome. My son was just diagnosed with a medical condition and I owe $800 out of pocket for the MRI. Brought it up in court and the hearing officer actually said that they couldn’t really do anything to collect the half my ex owes me and “we prefer you work that out between the two of you”. I am beyond disgusted with the system! 40 years old and my elderly parents have to help us just to get by.
I got divorce 35 years ago can I make him pay child support
Great content and I agree with it. It’s always best to consult lawyers in those matters.
I am so offended first you assume the person not paying child support is a male. There are plenty of deadbeat women that or court order to pay the male child support. I am a the ex husband who has custody. Former Wife is the deadbeat.
Please catch up with the times.
Mark, this is a website for divorced WOMEN. It only makes sense that when we publish an article about an ex not paying child support that that ex would be a man. Get over yourself!
Well said brother!