If he has a history of cheating, you can bet he will cheat on you too.
It was Dr. Phil McGraw who said, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” In other words, if you want to know how someone will react to certain situations take a look at how they have reacted to similar situations in the past. Whether or not you’ll marry a cheater will depend on whether or not they have a history of cheating.
For example, if you are dating someone who is divorced due to their infidelity the fact that they cheated once is a good indicator that they will cheat again. In order to predict whether a future spouse will cheat it is important that you have knowledge of their behaviors in past relationships.
I had a friend who became involved with a married man. He eventually left his wife and married my friend. This sweet, naive friend of mine was quite secure in her relationship and marriage. She was 100% sure he would never cheat on her.
They eventually divorced due to his infidelity. In other words, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” My friend learned a valuable lesson, never make excuses for someone’s bad behavior and never assume that they won’t do to you what they have done to someone else.
I encourage clients to find out all they can about the past marriages of those they are involved with. During the course of a relationship, you can learn a great deal about the character of the person you are involved with and the caliber of his/her past relationships.
Some say we shouldn’t disclose private aspects of past relationships with a new love interest. I say if you don’t explore private aspects of past relationships you are setting yourself up for trouble because most people take the same issues from past relationships into new relationships.
Why Past Behavior in a Relationship, Predicts Future Behavior in a Relationship
We all have unique personalities and well-developed ways of dealing with relationship problems. If our family, friends, and co-workers woke up every morning with a new personality and little evidence of how they would react to different situations that day, it would be impossible to form any real relationship with anyone because you couldn’t get to know them on a deeper level.
The only reason we are able to get to know people well enough to form true relationships is due to innate characteristics and personality traits we all have. I tell those who argue with my position that past behavior can predict future behavior that, that is where the smart money bets.
If a racehorse finishes first place in the majority of his races, more than likely that horse is going to continue to place well during a race. The same goes for how someone will behave in a relationship.
Evaluating a New Loves Relationship Potential
Below are a few indicators of whether or not a new love is someone who will eventually cheat. Remember, whether or not you are marrying the right person will depend greatly on that person’s past relationships.
- A history of cheating,
- An inability to own his role in the demise of the previous marriage or relationship, and take responsibility for his cheating.
- Complaints of being controlled by his ex,
- How he dealt with and deals relationship problems,
- A refusal to take responsibility for his past cheating behavior by showing remorse or guilt.
- Uncomfortable with the idea of you and his ex communicating.
- The character traits of his friends. Low life’s hang with low life’s. If his friends are less than ethical, so is he.
If you are in a relationship with someone with a history of cheating and he tells you the ex drove him to cheat, this is a huge red flag. A person of character does not cheat when the relationship goes bad, they choose to divorce rather than deceive and betray.
Now divorced after 31 years, I married a cheater; though I did not know until the end. (He’d never been married before nor had I.) I did know he had a history with women that always resulted in a lot of anger on their part and no further contact. Red Flag. He also always had guy friends who were single, immature, and disrespectful to women. Red Flag. I found out later, he apparently always cheated and he used me as the reason- (I made him do too many things around the house; I was mean., blah, blah.) Wish I’d known so many years sooner, but eventually I did and I divorced him immediately. Anyway he has ended up with the one that stuck it out the longest, (while the others eventually learned he had no intention of getting a divorce). This is her 4th marriage and between the two of them, they’ve left a long, long trail of scandals, job losses, broken friendships, and in his case, no contact with his two children.When you don’t confront the Red Flags you are an enabler of an emotional manipulator. If you date a married man you are a disgusting person with a lack of morals or self-respect/both. Infidelity is a crime two people commit against another person and that person will experience self-hate, grief, sadness, hurt and anger.