I have a warning for all of those who may be starting new relationships…Beware of charming strangers bearing pedestals.
It’s a lovely thought to have someone see you through fantasy filled eyes and put you high on a pedestal. It feels good to be the object of their admiration and desire, to be treasured and honored and loved. But each pedestal should be emblazoned with these words:
Abandon all hope ye who are elevated here.
Yeah, I’m paraphrasing Dante Alighieri, but I think he’ll let me slide. He’s dead, after all, and he was describing the warning at the Gates all sinners see before starting the decent into Hell. Very fitting for someone who is placed on a pedestal.
It’s not a bad thing to treat a loved one as special or as one-in-a-million. We all want to feel that our charming stranger picked us out because of our uniqueness. The problem arises when the pedestal height is elevated by false and unrealistic expectations for the one being placed on it. Fantasy will never equal reality. Eventually the goddess on the pedestal will show her human side and will quickly fall down, down, down. The illusion of fantasy perfection will never recover.
For good or bad, Love leads to pain. There’s no avoiding it. The people we love will abandon us, disappoint us, hurt us, and disrespect us no matter how loving they are. It’s human nature.
But on the flip side, Love leads to intimacy. Unlike pain, intimacy is a conscious choice. The people we love will caress us, shelter us, soothe us, excite us, and nourish us…IF WE LET THEM. Opening our hearts by being vulnerable will allow us to share who we really are and, in return, we’ll get to see our loved ones as they really are. It’s not easy and it takes practice but think of how rich our lives would be if we weren’t constantly hiding behind a shield of anger and fear.
I know I will be hurt again in the future, but the risk is so small compared to the huge reward. I’ll never close myself off from love. But I will avoid strangers bearing pedestals.